im so confussed i have a 20 year old daughter she finished high school thank goodness and started college but she dropped out of that still lives at home and works but she will not help out with no bills not even her own she had me convienced that if i would get her a lap top and an air card that now is costing me 70 bucks a month for that 1 she would pay the air card cause she needed it for school well now im stuck payin it cause it was added to my cable bill that now i cant afford she pays no car payments no ins not her own cell phone but she can go out and party with her friends all the time and go to gym tanning bed while her step dad and i worry how hes gonna get to work or how her brothers are gonna get to school cause we are broke from payin her bills

Brenda - posted on 04/12/2012 ( 7 moms have responded )

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please help me i have told her she needs to help out but she tells me as long as she has a bed in my home its my responsibility to take casre of her even more so cause i layed down to get her my husband and i r drowning in debt cause we cant pay our bills for paying hers i have 3 other kids that cant even have lunch money because of this what do i do

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Cody - posted on 04/12/2012

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WOW! She really needs a dose of reality. I hate to break it to you but she is over 18 and a legal adult. My parents had a policy that if you lived at home and were not going to school you had to pay rent. When I was between my Junior and Senior year at college I was going through a really rough patch and thought that I would take a semester off to "find myself". My parents told me that they were spending $25000 per year to "find myself", and if I did not go back to school I had to "Find myself" with a job and pay my own bills as well as rent. Don't get me wrong my parents are wonderful people but they did not let us get away with being irresponsible.

So here is my advise to you let her sink or swim. My guess is she will sink first but if you are strong and hold to your guns she will rise to the occassion because what else is she going to do. Take back the laptop, cancel the air card, lay down the law that if she is going to live in your home these are the things she must do. Start with her paying rent and helping with expences and the other kids. If she balks at doing the right thing for her family then show her the door and wish her the best. It is time for her to see with open eyes how the world works because the truth is nothing is free and she is taking advantage of you and your husband without giving anything back. I know it sounds harsh but she has to learn that life isn't easy and responsibility is how to survive.

Just remember this is for her own good as well as yours. You have a responsibility to make her a responsible part of society and you have a responsibilty to yourself, husband and other kids. Going broke to spoil her bad behavior and delusional belief the "if she has a bed in your house it is your resposibilty to take care of her" will be ruining your relationship with your husband and giving your younger kids the idea that what see her doing is fine and how they should act. Call her on it and see what happens and if she still acts like a spoiled brat tell her you love her but she has to go so that you can get back to parenting the younger ones without her undermining your authority with her abuse of you. Take a stand and stand firm, at this point you need to do what is best for you. She will come around just stop coddling her, she is not a baby so don't let her make you treat her like on.

Good Luck!

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Louise - posted on 04/12/2012

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At age 20 she should be standing on her own two feet. Stop her phone contract dead. Sell the car if she cant pay she cant ride! I have no idea what an air card is (sorry English) but I am guessing it can be canceled. You are being walked all over in your own home. You owe her nothing if she is not going to college then she needs to get her lazy butt out to work. You are being more than generous in giving her a place to sleep and feeding her. She is an adult and should be caring for herself.

New ground rules you pay or your out. Sit her down and tell her you will support her for one month in that time she has to get a full time job or two part time jobs and pay her own bills. If not then she has to find somewhere else to live. The other children need that money more than she does. If she can party she can pay. Tough love!

~♥Little Miss - posted on 04/12/2012

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Return the lap top or sell it BTW. Or, if she wants it, she can pay for the bill. Stop letting your family suffer because of one child.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 04/12/2012

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Do NOT tell her you are cancelling everything before hand, just do it. Give her 1 month heads up about the car insurance once everything else is cancelled so she has no excuse to not be able to get to work. Once that month is up, cancel the policy under your name and have her transfer it. She doesn't like the change, she is free to move.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 04/12/2012

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You are the adult, clearly she is not one yet. Cancel everything, stop paying for EVERYTHING! She wants a car, she pays for it. She wants skin cancer, she pays for it. She wants a cell phone, she pays for it. She is not in school, you don't need to pay that extra $70 for that card thing. Just stop. Let her know she is free to move out any time, and that she will be pitching in for what she wants, and for food. I think you are spoiling her, when there are other people suffering from it. She is not the only one in the house that needs your attention. Stop feeding into her spoiled manipulative ways.

Amanda - posted on 04/12/2012

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"she tells me as long as she has a bed in my home its my responsibility to take casre of her"



KICK HER OUT. She has a job, get her out of the house, shes a grown adult who can survive on her own. She is no longer your responsiblity! You did your job as a parent, now its her time to do her job as an adult and stand on her own two feet.

Medic - posted on 04/12/2012

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So STOP paying her stuff. Tell her next month on the first I will stop all payments on your items. Then DO IT. Disconnect her phone, disconnect her internet card, stop paying the insurance, at that age I had to pay all my bills at my parents house and that is fair.

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