In a tough situation and need some advice!

Anna - posted on 11/12/2012 ( 8 moms have responded )

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Im in a pretty tough spot right now, i have a 2 year old son and havent been with his dad since he was about 6 months old. I got married about 5 months ago to a great man after dating him for a year almost. my son calls him daddy and he is the only dad my son has ever known. My sons "real" dad has never paid me child support hardly ever called to see him, dated 18 yr olds and he is 28 mind you and has since knocked up an 18 year old. i moved across state 4 months ago and havent heard a peep from the real dad, well me and my hubby are looking at moving home soon and i know just as soon as we pull in back home my sons sperm doner is going to just be up my butt trying to take my son cause its convenient for him to care at that moment. i would tolerate it for a while until he got sick of "caring" but ive heard from 2 close friend while ive been gone that his house is nasty nasty and when his older kids come to visit he doesnt feed them more than 1-2 times a day and they get yelled at for asking for more food and the 18 yr old prego gf offered a ciggarete to one of them even!! the situation is to the point where the other kids refuse to go over there and the mom wont send them. so now that you know most of the situation what would you do? we have already gone and set up custody which gives him visitation and i have a child support case set up but he just never pays hes about 5000 behind on actually. but my son is too young to decide and too young to tell me if he is being fed properly and in a clean place. And needless to say my husband doesnt want to send him at all and thinks i should refuse visitation for these reasons and feels like he is my sons dad. i honeslty just dont know the right thing to do here??

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Abigail - posted on 11/12/2012

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at the moment you dont have any proof on how he treats the children. l suggest that you make an anonymous call to social services and have them look into the matter that way they can back up what your two close friends have said. am sure with evidence you can prove that he is an unfit parent. someday your son will have to know his real father and as much as it also upsets me he is still the father. you have been so blessed with the current man you have who loves your child so much. why dont the two of you sit down and map the way forward in relation to your sons biological father so that he doesn't make life nasty for you or use your son to make your lives miserable. l wish you well.

Anna - posted on 11/12/2012

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nope lol its a small small small town where everyone know everyone! yay huh lol. and i could talk to her about it i think she just tries to keep quiet and keep the peace, me on the other hand, will not put up with it. id just as soon just arrested but need to avoid it haha. and no the baby shouldt either at all. and ive not seen for myself how bad the conditions are but i know they arent fit for a 2 yr old who roams the floors and puts things in his mouth and i know the yard is just as bad. so i may have something there in my favor

Anaquita - posted on 11/12/2012

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If you do have to go back, then you and the other mom should talk to CPS. No child (the baby on the way included) should have to live in horrendous conditions, not get proper nutrition, nor have the girlfriend offer cigarettes.



Is it a large enough town/city that he could easily not know you moved back?

Anna - posted on 11/12/2012

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pretty sure we are going to have to move back for a year or 2, and the other mom is where i get alot of my info haha and will work on documenting it. thinking about getting child protective services involved and sent over to his house that may dissuade him for a while, or just honestly printing out the ors records of him not paying (which he always lies and says they take it out of his check and he just doesnt know why im not gettting it) and telling him how i feel and how its going to be and hope to hell i dont get arrested for being in contempt of court lol

Anaquita - posted on 11/12/2012

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I wouldn't move back then, if I could help it. Heh. Document everything. Get info from the mother of the other children too, and have her testify on your behalf if needed.

Anna - posted on 11/12/2012

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Ive tried he doesnt want to give up his "rights" to "his" son, and i can be put in jail if i refuse visitaion. So its kinda stinky

Anaquita - posted on 11/12/2012

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I wouldn't want to send him either. Ever thought about having your husband petition to adopt him? You will need the ex's permission, but if he really only cares if it's convenient, and it gets him out of the child support he owes, he might go for it.

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