In-law drama

Angela - posted on 04/29/2015 ( 8 moms have responded )

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My mother in law constantly brings up my husbands past and events like his previous wedding day with details... It makes me so uncomfortable... Is this right?

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Angela - posted on 04/30/2015

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Thank you all for your advice, I made my husband know how I felt, and he too agreed that his mother was inappropriate, MIL also lives bad with her other inlaws... I get the feeling she just can't let go.

Tanola - posted on 04/30/2015

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I do not agree. It is very disrespectful when inlaws do this sort of thing. I personally feel she is doing so to get you jealous because she realizes how much you mean to her son. But I think you should never let this sort of thing get to you. Ignore the details and realize that you are his present and future. If it keeps getting worse talk to your husband about the issue in a very nice way, let him know what has been going on and how you feel.

Michelle - posted on 04/30/2015

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I agree with the others that you have both over reacted.
The comment she made about the plates was probably just a passing comment and she didn't think it would upset you so much. You also shouldn't have given her the silent treatment.
Apologize to her and maybe explain why you were so upset about the comment. You can't expect her not to mention things in your husband's life before you came along though, he did exist before you.

Jodi - posted on 04/30/2015

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I agree that you are both overreacting. It really is a silly thing to get upset about! I still have plates in my cupboard from my first wedding, and even I mentioned it to my husband myself! Just as he talks about something from a time with a previous ex. Past is past. The point is, we both come with baggage! That doesn't mean we have to pretend it doesn't exist or not talk about it! We are adults. We can handle it. You need to learn to handle it too.

Also, giving the "silent treatment" is a childish way to react. But the way you MIL reacted to it was also extreme.

It's time to apologise. If you apologise for your reaction to the plates, she may also apologise for her words.

Raye - posted on 04/30/2015

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I think you both over reacted. Her reaction was worse than yours, but still the point is neither of you have any reason to get upset over such a silly thing. You both should act like adults, apologize to each other, and move on.

Angela - posted on 04/30/2015

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Thank you Tara and Jodi... But Jodi I understand what your saying because my husband has a child from that previous marriage so he has to communicate with th ex wife.. I'm ok with that and me and the child get along well and we move fwd with our lives.. So I don't mind th ex. But my mother in law and I went shopping and we saw some plates and she says " these are good plates, jus like the plates from Dylan's( my husband) wedding. It made me uncomfortable so I was just quiet for the rest of the evening, so she got mad at me and said I was disrespectful to give her silent treatment and I'm the worse daughter in law and she doesn't wanna see me again. I think that was extreme, cus I tried to explain to her that I was just uncomfortable with the remark, I don't wanna live bad with her

Tara Lou - posted on 04/30/2015

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To be honest, it's only natural to feel like this because he's your husband. If he hasn't got children with his previous partner, then I believe there's no need for you MIL to bring anything up about his past. He's clearly moved on, so should his Mother. How does your husband feel about this? If you feel that uncomfortable about it then you should speak to your husband/MIL about it. Everyone has a past but how you suppose to move forward when the past keeps coming back and there isn't a need to.

Jodi - posted on 04/30/2015

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Well, we can't tell you that how you feel is wrong, because you feel how you feel. What you have to do, however, is learn to deal with it. Because the fact is, your husband DOES have a past. He WAS married previously, and if he has children from that marriage, then his children DO have a mother that he was married to, and by default, she is still part of the family in some way. You can't marry a man who has been in previous relationships or marriages without expecting that to be a part of his family's life and history.

My MIL still gets photos of my husband's ex and her new family and puts them up in the living room. But the fact is, that is ALSO my step-daughter's family. I can't deny that part of his life. Nothing to feel uncomfortable about for me.

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