Anna - posted on 01/10/2010 ( 9 moms have responded )




I feel like my mother in law isnt happy that IM married to her son or that we have a child together. Everything I do isnt good enough for him, and she doesnt say this, but I get a vibe. Also, she doesnt really acknowledge the fact that Im Ali's mom. Its always "your dad dressed you cute today" or "daddy loves you so much". Even down to the clothes she buys my daughter. All so far have been father related. Dont get me wrong, my husband is one amazing father and I know shes proud...I dont know. I dont want to cause problems with my husband and his mom so I usually dont say anything but its wearing on me. Is it all in my head? Im just tired of feeling like an inadiquite mother and wife when Im around her. How can I fix this without causing WW3 with my family?

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Ola - posted on 01/21/2013




Hey, it's not in your head! My mother in law is the same. However she is worse! she is jealous that her son loves his daughter and cares for her. She is also driving me crazy by interfering in what i'm doing with my baby " are you not going to feed her?" " are you not going to change her into her Jammies" are you ,, are you...etc...
I'm also being patient with her as I now pity her cause she is a cancer survivor and has diabetes. You are surely an adequate mother. Mothers in law try to always make us feel bad and not good enough for our kids or hers (your husband). Don't continue to ignore her, take a stand with a firm voice saying " thank you for the advice, but I like this way with my daughter...etc".

I did this a couple of times and it did stop her for a while. Will start to hold on to my grounds again!
Good luck, let me know how you will get on.

Susan - posted on 01/15/2010




Breathe. This is where you have to do a scary thing first. Step back and see if there is ANY truth to her treatment of you.
Are you as good of a wife as you say?
Ok then - glad THAT'S settled - This is HER problem. All you can control is how YOU deal with it and react or don't react. You need to get really strong and rise above it. Always treat her with respect - not fear. Don't allow her to get under your skin. I teach my own children that if you are doing your best and are not doing anything wrong you need to be comfortable and confident with that. Don't allow her to shove doubt into your head. Don't doubt your ability as a mom, wife and person. She sounds insecure and very protective. This is REALLY common with moms and sons. I come from a huge loving family and it's still there.

Treat her with the respect of someone in her family "status" but don't walk on egg shells. She'll respect you more if you blow off her poor treatment of you and rise above it rather than play into it. Smile (not smirk), laugh (not cackle), hug (not crush her) through it.

Think of it as an opportunity to teach your child about respecting elders AND respecting yourself. How exciting. You can give both of you tools to live by and flourish.

Best of luck!

Jessie - posted on 01/14/2010




Hi! I think you should sit down and talk with your husband about how you feel and why you feel this way. At some point the two of you or if your confortable with talking to your mother in law alone you should speak with her also! No it's not all in your head!

Cassandra - posted on 01/13/2010




I hate to say it, but sometimes you just have to tell HER how you feel and if she doesn't make an effort to change than remove her from your life. I've been having problems with my mother in law for 10 years, no matter what I did, it was never good enough!!(so she thought) I kept quiet for about 8 of those years, but just couldn't take it anymore. I finally talked to her, but she just had the "too bad, I do nothing wrong" attitude. Just recently I finally gave up and excluded her from MY life. We seem to have more problems than what you are saying though, because she treats my children unfairly, as well.

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I would go talk with a family therapist or counselor for some advice about how to approach the problem. The solution will depend on many things. Like: Does your husband see the problem? Is he in agreement with you? Is he willing to back you up or is he a mommy's boy? Is your MIL well meaning but ignorant, or is she just "evil" and trying to cause you pain at your daughter's expense? I think you are not imagining it and you should address the issue soon before this grandma has time to mess with your daughter's mind and ruin you marriage.

Sharon - posted on 01/12/2010




Women are good at picking up vibes.

Don't pick nits. She won't appreciate it. But you can beat her to the punch once in a while... "Isn't this outfit adorable? I knew she would be PRECIOUS in it!" "ohhh! smell her hair! don't you just love smelling a babies head/hair? I just can't get enough of her precious baby smell after I bathe her..."

You can't fix it. She'll either come around or she won't. If she never says anything obvious then you don't have anything to confront.

Amy - posted on 01/12/2010




does his mom have any daughters or other daughter-in laws? If so (or even if not) try planning a girls night to get to know her better. One of the best ways to get her to like you and realize that you are good for her son is for her to get to know you.

It may not be the best if you flat out bring up "why don't you like me" kind of thing, but if you really just try to get to know her and try to make yourself more of part of the family it may help the situation some as well.

Beth - posted on 01/12/2010




Tell your husband how you feel and see if he can give you any insight on his mother's thought process. Be careful not to accuse his mother of anything...use a lot of "I feel" statements. That way you won't appear to be attacking his mother or her actions. Hopefully, the two of you can find a way to approach his mother and get this sorted out. Don't let it go and don't minimize your feelings!

Collette - posted on 01/11/2010




it most likely isnt in your head but it is a very touchy subject. I have no advice im sorry but good luck and all the best.

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