In-Laws and Boundries..Do they Exist???

Glenna - posted on 06/04/2011 ( 5 moms have responded )




I have been struggling with my in laws since my husband and I married 6 years ago. Fist thing my MIL told me was to " handle my pregnancy" when we told her we were xpecting. Now she makes "mistakes" and refers to herself as my son's mama when she talking to him.My FIL has been verbally abusive. First my husband said something, then I did. My husband is in th Navy and is out to sea. We are moving across country and we are driving. My son is staying with hisgrandparents, the mil and fil, 2 days ago my FIL said " well i do not spare the rod". I took it as, he will not hesiatate to strike my child. I have spoken to them both and they "assured" me they wouldn't hurt my son. I am scared to leave him. the only reason I am is because my loudmouth wonderful sister will be there with him at their house. How do I make bounries stick with people like this? HELP!!! PLEASE!!!


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User - posted on 06/05/2011




My husband has distanced us from his parents. His parents are divorced so I have 2 MIL's and 2 FIL's and its overwhelming and they both to not stress us out as a family we dont put the effort in. If they want to see their grandson well by george they can come to us!! It didnt take them long to realize that their houses were the main cause of our stress when we are around them,a nd by making them visit us? Well that just means the ball is in our court about rules, food, and boundaries!

Danielle - posted on 06/05/2011




I would just start distancing yourself.
I have a family like this and they are strictly a holiday family only (if that)..

When we see then, and start bickering we start to wrap up the visit. We never leave our son alone with them because of their faulty mind frames.
They believe in spanking (which I've seen them do to my cousins children... which isn't a swat on the bum type spank... more like throwing them on the couch and hit them anywhere they can reach), they also smoke in the house (which they don't do when we're there, but because our visits require them to actually sacrifice their bad habits for more than a couple hours; they don't invite us to visit often).. as well as many, many other reasons.

Does your husband recognize his parents behaviors?

In my situation it is my parents who are a disaster. First make sure your husband understands why you feel like this...

I wouldn't approach the in-laws about these problems, as long as your husband understands.
I think at this point trying to change their minds is like trying to clean the ocean... it's not like you can drain it. Be prepared to loose the battle if you try to discuss with them. People in older age can be stubborn. They have dealt with their children like this, and I wouldn't expect them to change.. (at least what I've learnt from my scenario).

[deleted account]

If it was me I would tell them straight up either calm down or leave. No one will call themselves Mom or Dad to my kids other then me and my husband. I hate when people try to put themselves as a parent to a child when its not needed. I would never leave my kids with anyone that I would worry while they were there. They need to understand that they are Grandma and Grandpa and nothing more.

Glenna - posted on 06/05/2011




He isn't being left with them, he is being left in the care of my sister while I am away. I am wondering how I set boundries with these people? I have thought aout cutting them from our lives if they just ca not listen. Thank you for your input.

Louise - posted on 06/05/2011




I think if you are concerned about your son then you should not leave him in that house. Take him with you. You are only going to worry the whole time you are away from him what is going on. I would not leave my child with someone who has an attitude like that. No way!

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