In Laws and FAVORTISIM! What should I do?!!? Any advise?

April - posted on 01/27/2016 ( 5 moms have responded )

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I have 3 children ages 10, 8, and 7. My in-laws have always been a big part of their life until about 4 years ago. There was an issue and it was hack going through and caused a little tention between my MIL and myself. However, that has been a long time ago, we both apologized and have moved on. Or so I thought. She plays favorites and it gets worse every day. She has missed 3 of my youngest daughters bday parties and I think she missed one of my oldest, but that wasn't entirely her fault. However, she had never missed my middle daughters party's or anything else she is a part of. They live an hour from us, so plans have to be made every time. She missed my youngest daughters party because she and my FIL had an adult party to go to. They wanted to get drunk, BUT my daughters party was over before the other one even started. So....that was lame. My daughter asked her why they didn't come and she lied and said she had to work. And the had the nerve to whine about my kids not calling on her bday! She is a grown woman who acts 10. My husbands brother is the same way. He picks and chose's which kids party's or event they he wants to attend. They didn't come to my youngest daughters party either. My nephews party is in a month and my husband wants to go because it's his only nephew. He's 2. However, I told him that the kids and I weren't going because my children were getting their feelings hurt. My husband said we need to be the bigger people and not be like them. And I get that and I understand that, but it's not about me at all. I could honestly care less if they ever talk to me again. BUT I won't tolerate my child's feelings getting hurt because an adult doesn't know how to act. My husband said they treated him that way when he was younger and in return at 31 years old he is STILL trying to seek their approval over everything. IT drives me crazy! What should I do? Should I confront his parents? Leave it a lone? Help!

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~♥Little Miss - posted on 01/27/2016

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What you all are missing (in laws and you) the kids come first. Stop using them as leverage. They don't want to come? Then they are at a loss. You children are more than free to ask them why.

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Dove - posted on 01/27/2016

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The nephew's party is about the nephew. Don't punish a 2 year old (or discourage your kids having a relationship w/ their little cousin) because of the adults.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 01/27/2016

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I would certainly say something, but try not to be accusatory or argumentative. I know, probably tough. Go to your nephews party. If you don't, HE will be hurt. Please don't hurt another kid in this family to try and prove a point. Quite frankly, the point will be missed, and then really you can't speak up because you are doing the same thing. Plus, this little boy shouldn't suffer. You kids feelings get hurt, so would this little boy.

Michelle - posted on 01/27/2016

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By not going you are just stooping to their level, like your husband said. You will also give them another excuse not to come to your childs' birthday.

Angela - posted on 01/27/2016

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I can feel the strife in your voice. It's as if I said those words myself. My ex mother-in-law and I never got along. She acted the same way. Everything in her life revolved around her and what people could do for her. She would miss important events because she wanted to party. My ex and I practically raised his younger sister that was born 20 years later. We were together for 12 years and it never got better. So, I get it. Unfortunately, you cannot change her behavior. You can only control how your choose to react. Also, your children and hubby will always love her even though she is disrespectful. That's just the way we are. The only way to change from our feelings being hurt is to recognize that we don't need the other person's approval. That's easy to say but incredibly difficult to do.

As for the birthday party... It will be important for your children to have close relationships with their cousins when they are older. I would go. It's not the child's fault.

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