In-laws overstaying their welcome

Kim - posted on 09/20/2012 ( 14 moms have responded )

7

0

0

Hi all! Me and my hubby just had a baby, the first grand baby on both sides. I live extremely close to my In laws and they are ALWAYS over at our house and stay late and very controlling about our baby. I know they are excited about their new grand baby but it's over bearing and I feel like I'm about to explode. I'm a very private person and like my own space, I talked to my hubby and he too feels the same way but refuse to say anything to them cause he doesn't want to offend them. Please advise?

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Kim - posted on 09/20/2012

7

0

0

The funny thing is, I have tried that and they still keep coming over. Me, my husband and baby all go to bed and they are still here and lock the door behind them. They just don't get it! We have even tried telling them we will go over to their house but now they just show up with out calling. During the week they show up at 4ish and don't leave until 11 or even close to midnight and for weekends they arrive noon and stay until 1, 2 in the morning. While i was in the hospital, they came and rearranged the nursery and my bedroom, they also made the call to have my little Yorkie not be in my bedroom anymore. They are very controlling, I told my hubby, there is only so much a person can take and evertually I will explode.

Elfrieda - posted on 09/20/2012

2,620

0

462

Would it work to kind of leave them with your husband if they stay too late? For example, it's getting late (8 pm can count as late, imo) and you're tired and they keep giving "helpful" suggestions, then say, "Well, I'm bushed. I'll try to get the baby down and then I think I'll go to bed. Thanks for coming over." Then give them the baby's head to kiss (don't let go! If they offer to take the baby just say, "No thanks." and don't explain why.) and take the baby away into your bedroom. Feed it, put it to sleep, then take a shower or read or go to bed yourself, and don't worry about your husband and his parents in the next room. New moms are allowed to behave like this, it's not rude, and it might be a gentle way of getting the message across that them being there all the time is tiring for you. If it doesn't, you've still got the evening to yourself!

Lacye - posted on 09/20/2012

889

0

221

Remind him that if it was your parents that were doing this, he would have already been saying something. If he won't talk to them, you are going to have to.

14 Comments

View replies by

Kim - posted on 09/25/2012

7

0

0

@ruth- thanks for the advise and this situation is a difficult one especially since I'm not very confrontational. Both me and my hubby feel so oberwhelmed and wanna jus get out of town to e away from them. I will try and will let u all know the outcome.



Thanks all, I really appreciate it!

Ruth - posted on 09/24/2012

6

0

0

Hi.. My daughter had the same problem when she had her first child.. We ( my husband and I honored her wishes by staying away , give her privacy , until she needed help... His parents, disregarded her request, and barged in ........ Her husband was very upset, no privacy with their newborn.. Its not easy to find a simple solution with these kind of people. Obviously they have no respect for your time - bonding with your child.. This is where you must set up boundaries

This may not be the perfect thing to do , but simply ask them to come back another time..

No one is forcing you to open the door.. .. Be kind and cordial, but let them know , that you are tired , and need time to get back on your feet.. Gently remind them to please call before coming.. .. You say.. He doesn't want to offend them.. But, he is offending you... by allowing these two tornado's to whip thru the door, and pitch their tent for who knows how long..??

Get bold and be stout- hearted.. This is your precious time with your child.. Not theirs..



Don't be afraid.. They will bark , complain, drool , etc.. in the long run they will respect your wishes.. Get tough........ God Bless you...

Sheryl - posted on 09/20/2012

2

6

0

OOh, I forgot about the dog. You need to make it clear that your dog is your first baby. In no way will you tolerate any derogatory remarks about your kids. With or without fur!

Sheryl - posted on 09/20/2012

2

6

0

His parents are his problem. If they don't have a key, don't let them in. He needs to tell them that your child needs your house to go back to "normal" Refuse to allow them to lock up your house, its as simple as "We don't sleep well when we don't lock our doors" i remember when my daughter was born I tried being really nice to my mil, she didn't get it. Eventually I had to be blunt and then unavailable. I would be in my bedroom listening to her ring the bell. She would question me later and I would respond I saw your missed call sorry I was out with my sister. If I don't answer you it's cause Im not available. I also found that giving her a couple hours on the weekend of alone time with the baby helped. Don't worry first babies are the hardest, its when you have to establish your "rules" for everyone. I found out that by the time number 3 in 5 years arrived she didn't find my house so comfortable anymore. Good luck stay strong

Elfrieda - posted on 09/20/2012

2,620

0

462

Wow, that is crazy! I think you have to go Lacey's route. Think about what you would like/could live with long-term and just talk to them about it. If your husband doesn't have the guts to actually start the conversation, he needs to at least be sitting there nodding at everything you say. Once you have the conversation, stick to it. If they come over at the wrong time, block the door, talk pleasantly for a while, then say, "Well, see you Thursday." Don't let them in. If they stay past a certain time (10 pm seems late to me) say, "Well, thanks for coming. It's time for you to go now." They are obviously not capable of taking hints, so you'll need to be very direct without being mean. (good practice for when your baby is a toddler!)



It's way better to talk to them now before you explode from lack of space and damage the relationship.

Lacye - posted on 09/20/2012

889

0

221

Let them know that you need to talk to them about something important. Sit them down and tell them that it is your husband and your house. Not theirs. While you appreciate them helping every once in a while, they are starting to wear their welcome. Let them know that from now on, they can only come over at certain times during the week and on certain days. And even then ONLY before they call first. They have to leave by a certain time. If they can't follow your house rules, they will not be welcome to come back over for a while. I know it sounds harsh but sometimes you have to be to get the point across to some people. Especially when they are being overbearing. You need to have your husband with you, backing you up the whole way.



I completely understand what it is like to have in laws who want to control everything. I finally had to put my foot down with my own mother in law. But if you don't do it now, it is going to get worse and you won't be able to stop it.

Vicki - posted on 09/20/2012

380

0

175

I hear what your saying, nobody does want to know that they are emtionally hurting someone else, however they are offending you! What makes their feeling any more important than yours and your husbands?

As long as it comes from a loving respectful place im sure they will understand and if they dont then thats their issue not yours,

Kim - posted on 09/20/2012

7

0

0

@ vicki - No he is always telling me to say something but I just don't wanna offend them cause they will take it to heart.

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms