Morgan - posted on 11/15/2014 ( 7 moms have responded )
When my husband and I got married and had children we decided that we would do our best to split the holidays every other year. So one year Thanksgiving with my parents and then Christmas with his parents and the next year switch. Simple enough....we thought so. Therefore, I was surprised to find out that there was an issue with us traveling to see my family for Christmas this year.
The quick synopsis is this: his family lives 10 miles away, my family lives across the county. The first Christmas we had as a family, my son was six months old. My husband is a firefighter and at the time was in his first "probationary" year, so we assumed he would not be able to get holiday time off to travel. When he ended up having surgery that Oct and was taken off work for 8 months, due to an injury to his knee, we thought we might try to go see my family for Christmas, if he was cleared to travel. When we let his parents know, his dad was furious and his mom cried. Our solution, we spent Christmas Eve with his family and flew out Christmas morning at 6:00am to go see mine. After the flight and two hour drive to my parents, it was dinner time before we got there on Christmas day. The next year we stayed home and spent both Christmas Eve and Christmas Day with my in-laws. Last year should have been my parents year, but we had a brand knew 8wk old baby and did not want to travel. So my family came to us and we had a joint Christmas. We still went over to his parents house for Christmas Eve and then Christmas morning we had both sides over to our house and also hosted Christmas dinner.
This year my husband was scheduled to work Christmas Eve, but someone was kind enough to trade with him and we booked tickets to go and see my family. My husband had a conversation with his mother about this. Then just this week. His father attacked him basically telling my husband that he needed to control the situation and how hurt his mother was that we were leaving for Christmas. I think their opinion is that my family had last Christmas because they were here. Whereas we look at last Christmas as a "hybrid" Christmas that was really no ones, but joint because of our new addition. We were all together...is all that should matter.
I understand that they are sad and disappointed and will miss their son and grandchildren, they are allowed to feel this way. But I am upset that they are putting my husband in the middle and guilt tripping him about this. My family sees my children 2, maybe 3 times a year...that is it. They see them 2-3 times a week! I asked my husband if I could talk to his parents and let them know where I am coming from and how hard it is to live so far away and not be confrontational with them but just be able to discuss my feelings. I am hurt and I am hurt for my husband. My 3 year old is so excited to go visit his other grandparents for Christmas and when I heard him tell my husbands parents one day and talk about being excited they didn't even acknowledge him. This is wrong. My husband asked me not to say anything because his parents asked him not to share with me that they were even upset. I am respecting his request, but this entire situation is driving me crazy. This is not how we should all be exhibiting the Christmas spirit.
Any advice on how I can let this go and move on without being hurt and angry is welcome. I don't want to put my husband in the middle and they are great grandparents and my children love them. So I do want to move on. Mostly I just needed to vent too!!!!