In search of a mother to talk to

Melissa - posted on 01/09/2015 ( 12 moms have responded )

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I am 25 yrs old and it's been a life goal to find a mother. My mother is and has been an alcoholic my entire life and I have no one to reach out to please help I jus want a family, a mother!

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Guest - posted on 01/12/2015

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It is never a good idea to "reach out and talk" to anyone who isn't legally bound by confidentiality laws AND not connected to your life in any other way. Never tell other people about any things that make you sad or worried, because they will use what you tell them to hurt you. ALWAYS. People are really mean, and you really should trust anyone but yourself.

It's fun to go out and laugh and have drinks and stuff, but I wouldn't talk about anything personal with anyone other than a therapist--they are bound by the law not to speak. You have to be careful though because some can be manipulative, but as long as you don't give them any incentive to manipulate you, they shouldn't.....unless they just get off on it, but you can keep your eyes open for that sort of thing.

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Guest - posted on 01/13/2015

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Maybe people don't always hurt other people just to be mean or vindictive, but people will always hurt other people if it benefits themselves to do so. I didn't mean to imply that all people are mean and manipulative, but just that it is impossible to tell who is and who isn't. So why take the chance of getting hurt by trusting someone. When I was younger, I trusted several people, and all of them hurt me. Those relationships served as lessons which taught me not to trust people. There are also people who have never hurt me--like my dad, my husband--we still have our arguments, but I know they care about me and my well being, but I can't see the future, so that could change, you know?

I don't assume the worst....I have friends and people I love in my life. I just know that they could change at any time without notice and I keep my personal affairs and my heart steeled up for it.

Sarah - posted on 01/12/2015

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It is very sad, Guest, that you assume the worst of people. I have found to believe the best and trust that people are inherently good is a far easier way to live. I feel sorry for you!

Dove - posted on 01/12/2015

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Wow.... I would not like to live like that. I have several friends that I can trust w/ a LOT. Have I been hurt? Yes, of course.. many times, but intentionally by manipulative and vindictive people? Only one person... in 38 years.

Curi - posted on 01/09/2015

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my mom was not an alcoholic, but i think mine was pretty shitty. she was alright til i was a teenager and then for some reason she hated me and we would have fights, like fist fights because i would be trying to defend myself, she had some weird craving for other mens attention besides my dad. all the things i felt like i needed a mom for, like talking about girl things no father can understand, or friend things, boys, etc i could never talk to her because she was always gone and too busy for me. plus she would never let me leave the house and then she would leave me at home like it mattered if i was at home or not. eventually at 18 i moved out. and even now she still doesnt have time for me she moved to another state to be with some dude she met and knew for a couple months, its not like i see her less than i did before. i stopped talking to her for a couple years and one day i got a letter in the mail saying that she was sorry for what had happened but it was my fault she did what she did.
sometimes we get some bullshit things thrown in our direction for nothing we did wrong. i honestly dont think i did anything wrong to deserve a lot of what my mom did to me and im sure you didnt do anything to deserve that from your mom either. i had given up on our relationship for a long time and now i had some fling where i wanted that relationship with her and i tried so hard for the last couple months and still got the same BS i always got from her. you know i found out that my mom drove 10 hours to see my brother several times since she moved and she always told me that he car cant make it back i only live 8 hours from her...and lots of other BS. im in college and not working so she knows i cant make it out there but then to find that she gives him the time of day.
i have come to realize that it is not me, because she really doesnt know who i am, you could ask her some random question about me and she wont be able to answer it correctly. she knows nothing about me, nor does she try, and that is neither my fault. i have come to the realization that there is no way to change her or our relationship that the only thing i can do is not do it to my kids. there are so many woman online that can give you advice if you need it. or so many sites that can give you info on things. i figure that if i need any advice or dont know what to do about anything i choose what i think is best for me and my family and if i fuck it all up then i know next time or for my kids and i fix it the best as i can. no one can replace your mom and no one can make her be a real mom to you. you deserve a mom and dont blame it on yourself for not having a real good mom you should have had. but the way i see it now is i have gotten this far without her, when she wants to give me the time of day i may listen or be there, but she also has done it to my kids and they think its my fault they dont see her and honestly i tell them the truth. nana moved away and she will be in your life when she wants to be and not when you want her to be i saw her over the holidays for a couple hours and then asked her if we could hang out again that week and she always was doing something else and she told me aunt she didnt care if she saw us again til next visit. so you know things happen and you just learn how to be a better mom to my kids and know what she has done and to be a better mom than she was. thats all i can do.... hope this helps that your not alone in feeling this way and some insite..... btw im 25 also.

Dove - posted on 01/09/2015

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Sometimes if you involve yourself in a church community the older women will take the younger women 'under their wing' so to speak. Other than something like that or the counseling I mentioned... I really don't know what more to suggest.

Melissa - posted on 01/09/2015

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I mostly jus hav coworkers and personal life n coworkers should never be mixed in with each other. I understand exactly what your saying and your right! When I wAs younger I went to school with a good friend and she mom was like a mom to me I guess that jus stuck with me and now during holidays and things it's jus really stuck with me to b in search of someone who could or wuld want to become tht in my life maybe there isn't such a person that would like to but it never hurts to look I don't guess

Dove - posted on 01/09/2015

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Not really. Family isn't about blood.... it's about love. You can make your own family w/ your friends.

Melissa - posted on 01/09/2015

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With all do respect I have a great career!! I have a great outlook n life. I'm sure I'm not the only one that would love to have a family it's hard not to b able to turn to anyone that understands like a mom shuld

Dove - posted on 01/09/2015

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I think you'd probably have better luck finding a counselor to help you at this point than finding a mother. At 25 if your life goal is to still find a mother... you might need some help to change your focus a little.

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