In the Dog House over a Facebook Invite

Sarah - posted on 03/22/2016 ( 4 moms have responded )

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I have a nephew who is married and has a two year old son. I received an invitation to the shower for the child and I responded, attended and gave a generous gift. They are expecting a girl in April. Her mother had a shower for her this past weekend. I had no idea they were even having a shower, I did not receive an invitation. My relatives hassled me about it at a family gathering last night to celebrate MIL birthday. I was told, that my niece-in-law and her mom were shocked and hurt that I did not RSVP nor attend. The invitation was on Facebook, and only on Facebook. I did not even get an email invitation. I don't look at Facebook much and if I left the alert on, my phone would never stop chiming. I have two issues:
1. I don't think you should have a formal shower, when you have already had a child. Unless, it has been five years and your baby stuff is gone or old or you are having twins and need more items. A small casual "girl baby" shower, sure I can see that, but this was a big fancy shower.
2. I don't think Facebook is the right place to put an invitation. If you do go that route and you don't here from me, call me or email me and ask me if I am coming.
I would not have gone, but I certainly would have sent a small gift for the baby and I already had planned to send a gift after she was born.
I cannot believe that everyone thinks that I am in the wrong for missing the shower and good heavens I did not RSVP! When I send out invitations, lots of people don't respond and if I need a head count, I call. I suppose my question is: What is the etiquette for baby showers for second babies and do you think social media the place for the invitation?

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Sarah - posted on 03/22/2016

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No it wasn't just a few days, it was a month. I looked on Facebook last night. I don't really know her mother, but I had spoken to other family member like my MIL many times over the last month. I have even talked about the baby coming. I just think everyone assumed I saw it, and I think my niece-in-law's mother assumed that my silence meant I was coming. The invite was an electronic response, yes, no and maybe. Not regrets only. Weird. I got an earful about how i was missed (or my gift was), how they paid for my plate and all of her other relatives were there. I think they did not believe me that I did not see the invite. Oh, and my two girls were invited as well, that was part of the complaint too. I would not have gone anyway, I would have clicked no on the invite, but I would have sent a gift.

Michelle - posted on 03/22/2016

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I haven't had a baby shower for any of mine!
I also agree that just doing the Facebook event isn't enough. If they really wanted you there, surely someone would have mentioned it before the event. How long before the shower was it planned? I'm sure it wasn't just a couple of days.

Sarah - posted on 03/22/2016

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Thanks, i was feeling a little crazy. I do get that the "rules" on showers have changed and are more fluid. When I had my first, it was a ladies only affair and my co-workers had a luncheon for me. I never had a shower for 2,3,or 4 (poor Emma, all those hand-me-downs) A man at a shower would have been laughable. My husband was invited to come pick up all the gifts and take them home for me in my oh so delicate condition.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 03/22/2016

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Relatives...LOL...

Sarah, here's my take on the deal: As long as your NIL didn't instigate the shower for the new baby herself, no faux pas. Her mother initiated the shower, so she had no control. As far as having one for a second baby, I have read that is acceptable if baby #2 is a different gender, or in the circumstances you outlined of twins, or long time between kiddos. I was given 3 showers for my second kiddo, one by co workers, one by my MIL, and one by neighbors

As far as the FB invite...I am totally in agreement! If they want a response, send at least an email, if not snail mail!

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