Inconsistant contact with Kids Dad

Charisse - posted on 09/14/2016 ( 3 moms have responded )

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I have 2 kids, have been separated from their Dad for 5 1/2 years. He would see them every 2 weeks and maybe a day during one of those weeks off...maybe. And it would usually always only be my son, not my daughter. Their Dad would call and only ask for him.
We recently moved. Its a half hour further from our other house. The kids still see their Dad every other weekend but the odd day during the week has been cut out. Also moved in with my fiance and his kids. Their Dad now asked if our son could download an app on his ipod to text him (not our daughter). Here are the problems I have with this: 1) he only asked for our son to have it 2) now their Dad texting everyday. Our son is getting upset because he has that constant reminder that he doesn't see his Dad. Asking everyday when he will go over there. When it is not possible until the following weekend. Before we moved he didn't call or text for 9-10 days after dropping them off. After he gets these texts he gets upset and asks when he gets to go to Dads.
I don't feel its very good for our son. We are all adjusting living in a new house with more people. (they have 3 step-siblings) Our son doesn't need the added worry of when he will see his Dad.
I think we should keep things consistent with how much contact there was before.
Thoughts?

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Dove - posted on 09/14/2016

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How old are your kids? There is nothing wrong w/ dad contacting his child every day. That is NOT inconsistent contact. That is him letting his son know that he is there and he cares. If the visitation arrangement has been the same for 5.5 years your son should be well acclimated to know what to expect. If your son is still having a hard time adjusting (not to mention recently moving into a home w/ 3 other children) I would recommend getting him into some counseling to help him adjust to all the changes in his life.

It is definitely not right that he has increased contact w/ his son and not also w/ his daughter, but as long as he is still having his court ordered visitation w/ both of them there isn't a lot you can do about that other than to try and talk to him about staying in contact w/ both children.

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Ev - posted on 09/14/2016

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If there are court orders in place for his visitation then you must stick to it. Your daughter is not old enough to decide whether she goes or not. Dad could decide that you are keeping her from him just because he can or wants to cause issues. Maybe you need to go back to court and stress to the judge the issue of this and see what can be done. He should be treating the kids fairly but you can not force it. He is violating the orders where the girl is concerned.

Charisse - posted on 09/14/2016

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My son is 7 and my daughter 8. Perhaps contact with him is a little jarring to me because I'm not used to having to hear about him everyday. From my stand point I'd rather not hear of him ever. But for the sake of my children its a good thing for them to know their Dad is there for them. I really needed an unbiased opinion. Thank you Dove.
As for increased with him and not her. That has always been an issue which has been brought up time and time again. What usually ends up happening is that she doesn't even want to go to her Dads and then in turn they don't see each other for 3-4 weeks. He doesn't call her and she doesn't ask. Lately since the move, I have been coaxing her to go.

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