April Dawn - posted on 11/27/2014 ( 22 moms have responded )
I have a daughter, my oldest, 19. I grew up in a loving home, still made mistakes and still accidently ended up pregnant at 21 when I was on my way to get birth control. My daughter up until recently has been kind, gentle, honest, hugged me every day kind of girl. I knew to expect some resistance sooner or later on things. But my daughter, as beautiful as she is only had two boyfriends in high school. They lasted about 2 wks each. the other factor including is her best friend she has had since she was about 7 years old. this girl grew up with her mom in jail for drugs and her guardian being the yelling, cussing, chain smoking, do everything in the world for me kind of person. She has had the same boyfriend since before high school ended. He was a good influence for her. she got out of her bad situation and for what she went through, I was proud of her. She got a job, she got a car, now they have a trailer together and the boyfriend is educating himself for a better future. But the life experience she has and my daughter is worlds apart. My daughter was going to go to college and had goals, but she wanted a job for a while to save up for a car. She got one at Walmart. the downside is she has my vehicle all the time and I am stuck. But the problem is that she met a boy there who is 28 years old. he could see she was there for the taking. She might as well have , "i'm an innoscent virgin" taped to her forehead. he bought her flowers. She craved the attention, so she was hooked. He is bad news. We already talked about that we felt at that point in her life, she was too young for a 28 year old. Her no life experience, no boy experience. and we know what most 28 year old boys have on their mind. We told her we didn't approve; however, we could met him, talk to him and get a better sense of things. He wouldn't meet us. And as it turns out, he has 2 DUI, no car, licence gone until a three year period is up and that isn't half of it. Inside of less than a month, she started lying, sneaking, and he convinced her to have sex with him(her virginity) right there in the Walmart parking lot in the person's car that brings him to work. Now, I feel that normally you don't invade your child's privacy, but if their behavior changes, if you suspect anything of any bad nature, you have every right to go through their phone, laptop, what have you. as long as they are under your roof. Found out much more that horrified me. He was pressuring her to have sex again and again, and sending her pics of his weiner if you know what I mean. I am at a total loss. The problem is, she is over 18 and I can't make her break up with him. I have talked till I am blue in the face about all the things a mom should say. Then she gets her friend involved and she says a lot of rude and hateful things to me on Facebook. she got her Aunt on daddys side against me. And she is no person of good advice. she just got the aunt in on it because I asked my daughter to make dinner because I was ill and I wanted to get it done before my boys came home from school because they would be hungry. her aunt texted her, "who the hell eats dinner at 1 o clock." She didn't get the whole story. Then she went on to advice my daughter behind my back that I was a stupid b****, crazy, not to listen to anything I said and gather her pennies so she could get out of this house. Now my daughter still hasn't got rid of the boyfriend. I have told her that she has ruined the trust between us and she had to work to get it earned back. she has set limitations that she has to follow. I can't and won't throw her out. I am afraid she might try. She would only have either the friend to live with which I expect would get old quick, especially when she has to spend a lot more money contributing or she would live with the boyfriend until he got through using her for sex and she ends up pregnant. Today, descent enough day till her friend decides to want tot travel 1 1/2 hours to a shopping mall for black Friday. She wanted to leave at 5 am. I didn't like that, but after much discussion and and review of rules, I agreed. I go to bed, wake up a little later and find that she has told my husband that it has changed and now they want to leave at 3:30 am and he told her to wake me up because that wasn't' going to fly. She did not wake me up and he told me when I woke up a bit later and I informed her it wasn't going to happen. 5 am, I was willing to live with, that early in the middle of the night in high traffic for 1 1/2 hours to save a few bucks? No. So I got the, "well, now I can't go at all" the friend won't wait till 5. and I got the flow of tears. And tomorrow, she will text or facebook everybody she knows to tell them how mean I am. I mean, I told her over and over lately, "I do this BECAUSE I love you, BECUASE I care. If I let you do whatever the heck you wanted when you wanted to do it, that I wasn't a very good mother." It's my job to know exactly how she feels and what she is going through. I was there once. I didn't do nearly what she is doing to me, but I did plenty. And never knew what I put my mother through until I was faced with it myself. But it's too late for me to let my mom know. She is in heaven now. Do I really have to wait that long for my daughter to know how much I love her and I do and say it all for her. what do I do to get my daughter back on track? I know she will make mistakes. I expect them. I know she will learn from them. But times are harder now and some mistakes are too big to stand by and let her ruin her life. Ruin her chance for a future where she doesn't have to work quite so hard to make a living, be able to experience life for all it has to offer. Not stuck her with no place to go, no money and possibly a baby. I got her on birth control pills months ago in case because I knew sex would happen eventually. Never dreamed she would give it up to the first boy who gave her attention and in less than a month. However, they did not use a condom. She doesn't know where he's been and I know he's been involved with drugs before. And I know her birth control refill is coming up and she has to have a physical again first and she has not mentioned it. I pray. That is all I have felt I can do is pray to God and keep talking to her. But I feel so out of control. I feel helpless and hurt. what do I do, what can I do?