Kay - posted on 10/02/2015 ( 5 moms have responded )
I am not a Mom of an asberger but a sister in law. I have only been married less than 4 yrs and am no kid - have raised my 4 children... This brother is 57 yrs old and lived his entire life with his Mother until she died at age 87. He has had no job in 9 yrs, no money, can't live independently, argues about anything, and knows everything there is to know about everything with a huge inability to keep his mouth shut. His Mother never had him diagnosed but expected my husband to take care of this guy the rest of his life. We were already in marriage counseling - and the counselor advised against it. But where do adult asbergers go?????? I have contacted the state -- got him SNAP benefits - Medicaid -- he interviews poorly so cannot get a job - and I have contacted every volunteer agency I know of to get him active. He is a slob. He can't even go to the grocery store to buy one thing without making a mistake - My husband is ADHD and a narcissist. So.. how can he help his brother??? He really can't.
We had an argument a few weeks ago that the brother overheard so he went to his job counselor and told her all about it. Personal business that had NOTHING to do with him or his job hunting. He totally destroyed my reputation - and now these people refuse to talk to ME. I have done nothing but try to help this guy and THIS is the treatment I get?
If his Mother was still here.. I'd demand an explanation of why she would be so presumptuous and SELFISH to expect someone else to house this guy who has learned NO independent living skills ( can't handle money - can't use a stove - gets lost every time he goes somewhere - has NO friends - NO hobbies and what do you do???
Ladies -- you who have young kids - you are at a distinct advantage to get them diagnosed early - that will enable you to get state benefits if you need them - even housing for them when the time comes. You have resources that are offered in your community.. Use them. It's too late for us -- this man is too old and there was no documentation to support our claim prior to 2015. If there had been - he would have been taken care of. Now it's just stressful - frustrating - counter productive - causing problems in our marriage - and I didn't ask for any of this.
Good luck to you all. Asbergers is challenging enough.. But to have a husband with ADHD and narcissim?? Heaven help me. I always believed I could make a difference by bringing order to the chaos.. Now I'm asking why should I?? Why?