Inlaws and husbands EX

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♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 08/19/2014

13,207

21

2014

Ah, yet ANOTHER 'adult' who cannot admit to her original post, so rather than just closing the damn thing, she deletes her original post, all of her responses, and runs for the hills.

SMH

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 08/18/2014

13,207

21

2014

Well, then hopefully you'll have a mature answer for her when she asks you why she can't see her grandmother, but her brothers/sisters can...

Good luck with that!

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 08/18/2014

13,207

21

2014

Well, first of all, my mother STILL associates with the asshole that I left (because of controlling and abuse) to marry my husband 25 years ago, so BEEN THERE, honey, and still living it every f*n day!

You are not realizing that, while your sentiments are valid, you still cannot control other people, nor can you dictate who they do or do not associate with. Its your own choice that you don't continue to keep up contact with your ex-MIL, if you truly did enjoy the relationship and develop a friendship. That was YOUR choice, and you made it. Your current MIL obviously enjoys the relationship she shares with her former daughter in law and mother of (some of) her grandchildren. You cannot control that. Sorry, but that's the way it goes.

So, you can either be the adult in the situation, and put on your big girl panties and handle it well, or you can be a child, cry about it, and spitefully withhold her access to another of her grandchildren. It's up to you.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 08/18/2014

13,207

21

2014

Wow.

First, you need to realize that no one is going to act exactly the way that you want them to.

Second, you need to understand that individuals will act differently. Your mother, for example acts differently than your MIL. Different people, different mannerisms, different actions. Totally normal. You cannot force your MIL to accept the step kids, nor should you try to. I don't agree with her method of treatment, but that's beside the point. Its her choice.

Third, if your husband wants his mother to be involved with your child that you have together with him, it's HIS CHOICE TOO. You don't hold all the cards simply because you possess the womb, my dear.

Good luck with your over the top attempt to control your MIL's behaviour.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 08/18/2014

13,207

21

2014

You need to understand that you cannot choose someone's friends for them.

Your husband's mother has every right to have a relationship with the ex, as the woman is the mother of some of her grandkids. Just because you noticed that his mother is hanging out with the ex at about the same time you discovered you were pregnant doesn't necessarily mean that there's a correlation. Are you saying that the woman should completely cut the ex out because you're in the picture now? That's not how that works.

As far as how often the ex has her kids, you should be thankful that the woman has worked it around to 50/50, because that reduces the responsibility that you have for having them in your home all of the time. That should make things easier on you.

You are jealous because your MIL associates with the ex...have you taken the initiative and invited MIL over for coffee, afternoon tea, dinner, anything? If not, stop complaining that she doesn't visit. Maybe she hasn't been made to feel welcome. Maybe she senses the hostility you have for the ex, and in turn her relationship with the ex.

And, I'm sorry, but if your son is not your husband's son, for you to demand that he receive equal treatment is a bit pushy. Yes, as adults, we should treat all kids equally, but honestly, could you say that if your son (who isn't related to her in any way outside of your marriage to her son) showed up with a woman who had another kid from another relationship that you would treat that child as your own flesh and blood grandchild, regardless of parentage? Because unless you have BEEN there, and done that, you don't know how you'd handle the situation.

There is no law that says one must associate with their inlaws. If they stress you out, don't associate with them.

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