Intro about myself and why i am here

Tina - posted on 10/25/2012 ( 10 moms have responded )

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Hi, my name is Tina. Im 24 and currently pregnant with my first child. My boyfriend also has a four year old from a pervious relationship. I am here to get advice on becoming a first time mom and dealing with a child who is not mine.

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NEWMOM-E - posted on 11/10/2012

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I COMPLETELY UNDERSTAND! It gets hard. You don't want to seem like you're the evil step-mother but you also don't want to let him/her run over you and when you're boyfriend/husband actually says that you're lying on a CHILD! I mean it's ridiculous. It's extremely stressful and pisses you off. I've also felt like maybe calling it quits. It's difficult when you're being portrayed as this horrible person when you're not. When it got to that point with us I would just leave for the night. Go to a friends house and take our daughter with. No one should have to be subjected to something so stupid as that and I refuse . I mean as I said I hope that it will all end soon. I've sat down and thought about what I was maybe doing wrong and corrected it, still didn't get anywhere. I don't think you're a bad person. Maybe just keep talking to him about it. Tell him how you feel and that it's forming this huge unnecessary wedge between the two of you to the where you're thought about leaving and take it from there.

Tina - posted on 11/10/2012

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I am glad to know someone else is going through the same as me. Hopefully one day they will grow out of it. I dont know about you but there are some days I feel it would be better to just pack up and leave but then I dont want to start my daughtets life out in a broken family and I want her to be close with her dad and I know if I leave that they wont be as close or at least not as close as he is with his other daughter.

NEWMOM-E - posted on 11/03/2012

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I understand completely. I've been going through the same thing with our daughters. My boyfriend and I have a 1 year old and he has a 4 year old with a previous relationship. His oldest and I used to be extremely close in the beginning and one day she started acting out and never looked back. My boyfriend doesn't believe the things I say she does. He has caught her in the act a few times but continues to think that I would lie on her for whatever reason. It's stressful. Righ now I'm just trying to be more patient with her, thinking maybe it's me, I've been more active and let her know a lot more often than before that I love her. Nothing has really changed, it's been going on this way for about a year now but hopefully it's a phase or something she'll grow out of.

Charlie - posted on 10/31/2012

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Get the book parenting with Love and Logic I believe it's by Gary Chapman but I'm not 100 percent on that It teaches logical ways to discipline Without punishing a child And all the ways to discipline are full of lots of love

Tina - posted on 10/31/2012

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Merly I do love her and let her know everyday that I do. I play with her and read to her and always give her attention because I know at her moms with having two younger siblings she is probably acting out to get negative attention when she is at her dads and my house but she still seems to act out so much its frustrating. The last couple days it seems to have gotten worse where she is not only doing it to me her dad finally has gotten to see what I mean because she is acting out when he is around.

Tina - posted on 10/31/2012

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Sorry I havent had time to get on here to reply back. Yeah I dont tell him everything she does because I realized that didnt work and I dont want him to think I cant handle things myself. Its when I tell him the bigger stuff and he just ignores it that aggravates me. I have tried different ways to discipline her and nothing seems to work. I dont spank her because for one she isnt my child and two for the last few months she has gotten into a lieing stage and its n in ot just little things its lieing about things thay could get people in trouble like going back and telling her mom her aunt hit her which never happened so I just choose not to spank her to avoid that. She either stands in the corner, sits in time out on the couch, or has to go lay down. Them havent seem to work so well because she will get right out of time out and go back to doing what put her in there in the.first place. Any.suggesstions on what other things to do to.discipline?

User - posted on 10/27/2012

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I would give her lots of hugs and convince her that you love her, even if you don't you might get to love her. Also when she talks back to you I would look sad and say it hurts you when she talks back. You know what I mean just give her attention and read to her also. You will be too busy soon with your new baby to do that but let her know she is an important part of the family. And your boyfriend will love you more and appreciate your kindness, don't you agree Tina?

Charlie - posted on 10/27/2012

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Congrats on the new baby. I have spent the last ten years helping to raise a child that's not mine and I have three of my own it's extremely hard my first recommendation is that you read lot's of books on how to be a step parent and my second is that you don't put him in the middle all parents feel like their babies are perfect and if you tell him every little thing she does wrong he's always going to feel the need todefend her find a discipline method that works and be consistent and then let it go don't report to him every bad thing she does just deal with her and eventually she will follow your rules and most important remember that she's just a kid and she probably doesn't know how to deal with the emotional crap that comes from having split parents

Tina - posted on 10/27/2012

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I am 31 weeks. Some advice I would be looking for is the best way to deal with behavior issues coming from my boyfriends daughter. I quit my job to become a stay at home mom. He has joint custody of his daughter so she spends a week with us and then a week with her mom and so on. When she is with us I have her most of the time and within the last six months or so she has stattedbeing disrepectful to me. She doesnt want to listen, she talks back and so forth. It has statted causing problems in my relationship because he thinks she is a perfect little child and that i make up half the things I tell him. And he also thinks I am to rough on her because I wont let her get away with everything like I feel everyone else does.

Jazmyne - posted on 10/25/2012

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First off, welcome, and congrats! How far along are you? I also have a child of my own and a who is 'not mine' What kind of advice would you need? This forum is a wonderful site for advice IMO. I hope to see more of you on here :)

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