Introdcing a "significant other"to your kid?

Carolina - posted on 01/18/2013 ( 3 moms have responded )




I have an almost 11 year old boy. I am divorced and share custody with my ex on a 50/50 basis. My son spends a week with me and a week with his dad. His dad is re-married and has a new baby, and I had a live-in bf that my son adored, so "significant others" are nothing new. I have begun seeing someone new, and am wondering how and when I should introduce my son to this person. I would like my friend to be able to come over for dinner or hang out and not have to wait until my son is at his dad's house. Thoughts?


Dove - posted on 01/18/2013




Personally? I'd wait at least 6 months and possibly until we were talking marriage.

I've actually only dated one guy (briefly) in 5 years and my kids knew him first, so there was no 'waiting' to introduce them possible. I have absolutely no intention of ever going through that situation again. It's not fair to the kids to let them get attached to people that you don't at least HOPE and PLAN for them to be permanent 'fixtures' in the child's life.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 01/18/2013




I'm with Dove on this. No matter how old your kids are, it is unfair to them to continue to bring different SOs in and out of their lives.

By all means, introduce the man to your son, but don't move him in unless you are committed to a life long relationship with him. Your son doesn't need to continue to become attached to someone that you're not going to stay with for the rest of your life. Its not fair to him at all.

I'm not saying that you shouldn't have a relationship, by any means, and that the guy shouldn't meet your son. I'm just saying that by going through different relationships, and having the kids get attached to each one, you are doing your kids no favors when you decide that the relationship isn't working, so all of a sudden this person whom your kids have come to adore is no longer a constant in their lives. It messes with the kids.

Puliti - posted on 01/18/2013




Hello my advice on your situation comes from mine. My now husband and I met while his daughter was 6. He and I actually dated for an entire year before he introduced me to his daughter. We did this after I met the ex-wife first and had her consent and she was also present when I met his daughter for the first time. Are you able to do this? I feel it went very well and though it wasn't fun to wait that long, my partner and I both agreed it was best to wait that long to make sure our relationship was something that would be definite and long-term because the last thing he wanted was to introduce several women to his daughter. We also felt it was important to include his ex-wife so his child could see that the adults were on a united front and the ex-wife could know me as a person and see that her opinion and feelings on such an important event mattered. This made it remarkably easy for his daughter and the ex-wife to adjust and accept me (especially since I was his first relationship after her mother). It also did wonders for me (as the outsider, technically) to feel ready and considered as I'm not sure if everyone knows that it is a very big situation for the significant other to step into, especially if they don't have children of their own like myself. I hope this helps!


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