introducing the kids to a new boyfriend

Rebecca - posted on 12/30/2009 ( 14 moms have responded )

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I have been broken up from my girls father since August. I have recently found a new boyfriend, he is the best and wants to meet the girls. does anyone have any advise as to how and when to introduce them to him.

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Sharon - posted on 12/30/2009

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no no no no no no no no no no.



Yeah I have advice about when to introduce your newest BF to your daughters, in 6 months. They can MEET him as mom's friend.



6 Months after that they can meet your special boyfriend.



things that bother me - you just broke up 4 months ago... maybe it was a long time coming but I don't see how you have yourself or your daughters emotions fixed in that amount of time.



.. you "found" a new boyfriend. They aren't treasure ships that went missing in the 1800s. How can you tell, in less than 4 months time that he is "the best"? Apparently at one point you thought the girls father was the "best".



You have two VERY vulnerable children who need protection, more than you need a "soul mate", "boyfriend" or whatever. Go slow.

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Erin - posted on 09/12/2011

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My rule was 6 months. I had to date someone 6 months so I knew it was going to work so my boys wouldn't get confused by different "friends" of mom's they might meet (not like there were that many). The first man I dated, I only waited 3 months, and then I introduced him as a friend, and we met with his girls as well as a sort of play date. It ended up not working out, and I was glad that I hadn't introduced him as more, and was even more confident with my 6 month rule.
I just felt that the separation/divorce for my boys was confusing enough.
I think it also depends on how long you've been single...if it's new to the kids, the confusion will be even greater. They might not be ready, and might see any man as a "replacement" that they don't welcome.
I know it is such a challenging decision to make. The fact that you are asking this question shows that you have your children's interest at heart. Follow that, and you will be fine.
Regardless, our kids are injured by divorce. Being mindful of the pain they are experiencing makes you a good Mama. Yet you have to remember to be good to yourself too, and a healthy relationship is one way to do this.

Angie - posted on 12/30/2009

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Your children don't need to meet (or even know about) your boyfriend until you are in a permanent relationship with him. You've only been dating him for a short amount of time.

Rebecca - posted on 12/30/2009

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the father and i were never married. we met in a bar, i got pregnant a month later. had another one less than a year and a half apart. we never loved each other. we did try for the sake of the kids.... never got us anywhere but more miserable. I dont want my girls growing up not knowing love. relationship love that is. They can see im very happy. They have talked to new bf many times on the phone and are wanting to meet him. I will keep you all posted as to what i decide.

Irelis - posted on 12/30/2009

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we never married, i was his wife w/o court appointed papers, i don;t believe in getting married by church or court. i love y sons father to this very day but the fuss of a wedding and if it doesn't work out divorce.... i would prefer to spend the money on other things.....

Medic - posted on 12/30/2009

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i made my husband wait a little over a year till he met my son....now my son is three and he is adopted by my husband and i wouldnt have it any other way but im glad i waited because if my son had gotten close i would feel horrible telling him that another guy was gone

Rabecca - posted on 12/30/2009

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I would say its a littel soon and I have has this happen in my own life as well I refused to be a mom who introduced my son to anyone(men) who I didnt think was going to play a major role in thier lives you just see it way to much kids who start to like the guy may even call him dad and then the realtionship takes a turn and hes gone two and the cycle repeats itself over and over to the point where they don tbind with the now new step dad because why they just come to realize men leave so why get to close I have seen it with my friends over they years and now with thier or other firends kids I just couldnt do that to my child

When I started dateing my now husband 6 years ago I told him I really like you but I hope you can understand I need to devolp and find out where this is going first and it took me a year to let him meet my son I mean people need time to see who they really are before adding kids into the mix but when I decided it was timne I knew I was going to marry this man he was who he really seemed to be and I had no doubts this was going to be my husband and we took it slow at first he came to dinner we went over and waltch tv for awhile and then I told my then 3 year old that he was my boyfriend and they really were jelous of eachother for a awile after neaither one of me had to share but about 6 months after that they were so close that it makes me cry to think how much they love eachother aside from me they have a very speacial bond they dont see eachother as step anything that his daddy he trust him and relys on him just as he should be able to I am very proud of them its not always so good but i told my husband straight off you have to love me all of me and that includes my son because I will not be torn into between my two favorite men and luckly I found one of the good guys but not all step parents are that way and its very important that when you get involved with a man he really understand and excepts so see you child as his own no differences no favoites or anything that you will not allow the emtional hurt that can cause

Irelis - posted on 12/30/2009

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I personally would wait, i have a son and although his dad is very involved in our lives, my boyfriends have had to wait usually i wait 6 months and intro the newby as a friend, my son is at an age that he talks and tells everyone everything, so i try not to introduce to soon, i also prefer if the first time is a fun place for him and then after a while a dinner place. i went super slow and it help. lots of Luck!!!!

Belinda - posted on 12/30/2009

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i have been in the same situation, make sure the relationship is a "forever" one, your children dont need the hurt of someone close to them leaving again. once i thought we may become a perminate relationship i introduced him as a friend and we went on outings the kids liked first, so it was all about them and putting their fun and interests first. once you tell them he is your boyfriend remind them he is not replacing their father, but he is there if they want someone to talk to. works well for my girls.

Krista - posted on 12/30/2009

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What Sharon said. Word for word. You've got to protect your kids' hearts and psyches -- that's the top priority. If he really is "the best", he'll understand that you want to be very careful when introducing new people into your kids' very unstable world.

Natasha - posted on 12/30/2009

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Take it slow, you don't want your children to get attached to this man if it doesn't work out with you too, but depending on the age of your children, I recommend introducing them somewhere like ChuckieCheeses. Good Luck!

Kristen - posted on 12/30/2009

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bring him around as just a friend first... let your girls get a feel for him. depending on how old your girls are, either ask them how they would feel if you start dating or if they are too young to understand, keep up the friend act until they are comfortable around the new guy... keep in mind though, if it doesnt work out between you and this guy, you dont want it to affect your girls. so take it slow, and dont try to force your girls to like him right away... they'll come around.... good luck!

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