Inviting a second man into our marriage?

Nina - posted on 01/25/2013 ( 3 moms have responded )

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My husband and I have been married for four years and have a great relationship and a new baby born in December 2012. My husband and I have a great sex life. We have never been sexually open to other people or anything like that. We both love our best friend very much, he is the godfather of our child. Our friend is a great guy, very smart and skilled in many ways, not to mention extremely extremely attractive. We are all in our early twenties, and have traveled a lot. My husband and I are considered inch asking our friend to join us in our marriage. My husband has never had any sexual attraction toward other men but wouldn't mind sharing me with our friend because we love him so much. I really only want my husband sexually but I do like the idea of being the center of attention and being showered with love by two amazing people. My husband also said he might like seeing me with another man. I think having three people to take care of each other sounds ideal, but maybe I'm being idealistic... Has anybody ever been in this kind of relationship? Can you share your experiences and tell me if you think it's a good idea to open our marriage to our wonderful friend? Who has experience with poly lifestyle ?

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Denikka - posted on 01/25/2013

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You have a rough road ahead of you if you choose to do this. Don't expect that you'll just be the center of attention and that everything will be rosy. There will be jealousy, there will be bad feelings. It will happen at some point from everyone.
I would personally advise against bringing such a close friend in. It can destroy your friendship should anything go wrong.
I'm in an open relationship with my partner. I have been with other people and my hubby is fine with it (and encourages it), but mostly not in a serious relationship. We tried a serious relationship with another couple (close friends, another male and female couple) and it ended in disaster. There were other problems than just relationship issues, but things exploded pretty badly on that one.

It takes very special people who are very willing to work very hard on the relationship to be in a long term poly relationship. There is twice as much grief to be had, and at LEAST twice as much work. If your husband is not 150% committed to sharing you and you are not 150% committed to being in a relationship with this man, don't even consider it.

My advice in this situation, given the wording you've used and what you've said here, is don't do it. Stay friends.
If your friend has experience in the poly world, maybe sit him down (both you and your hubby) and let him know how the both of you feel. He may have some insights to share with you.

Besides, here's something else to consider. You are potentially willing to bring him in to your and your husband's relationship. But what if he chooses to bring someone else in later. Or what if your husband wants to bring someone else in later. There's a LOT to consider. Do some research on poly relationships. There are plenty of forums out there where you can get a lot of good, first hand knowledge on the difficulties. Spend some time talking to people in your potential type of poly relationship (there are many different types). If you really love this guy and want to be with him, and the feelings are mutual from him, he'll still be there in a year or two.

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Terrie Lynn - posted on 01/26/2013

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WHILE IT ALL SOUNDS GOOD!! IT WILL COME BACK AND BITE YOU IN THE ASS!!

Nina - posted on 01/25/2013

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Oh gosh I didn't even think about if he wanted to bring somebody else in later... You raised a good point I would be so jealous if that was the case. Thanks for your wisdom, I think I should probably wait and not risk putting my already great relationship in jeopardy

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