is 40 too old for one last baby?

Robyn - posted on 10/21/2012 ( 22 moms have responded )

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I will be 40 an 2 years and want one more baby is 40 to old? doc says no.

22 Comments

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Lacye - posted on 10/24/2012

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If you read what I said, I said most kids will take up for them. Didn't say all. Of course bullying happens. Not saying it doesn't. But just because it happens to one person does not mean it will happen to another. The way I look at it, bullying can be taken care of with a strong, communicative bond between parents and child. Yes the child may get bullied, but if they have a strong bond with their parents or parental figure, it is something they can overcome.

Holly - posted on 10/24/2012

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then your cousin is lucky... but you can't imagine what it is like to not be lucky then, you just can't... some people will stick up for them, my daughter has, but just so that you know, they do get bullied

Charity_knox - posted on 10/24/2012

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I don't know her but it sounded like she had one other child, a 6 month old and wanted another. Sounds reasonable to me. Statistics for down syndrome @ 40 years old are 1 in 106 pregnancies will be effected.(less than 1% chance) For Gee sakes she's not even 40 yet so ? So a less than a 1% chance But yes still a possibility. Doesn't mean the child would be unloved and cast out and better off dead if he/she is born with down syndrome. It is certainly is a personal choice of when and where and how to have your babies. I just don't understand someone so much could think that automatically having a new baby at 40 puts you in the irresponsible, deformed child, horrible parent category.

Lacye - posted on 10/24/2012

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First thing, emphasizing every other word is irritating and annoying. Also, it makes the other person feel like you think they are stupid. Please refrain from doing that with me. I can read fine without all that.



Now to the main point, everybody gets bullied, It's a fact of life. Even you said it. There isn't anything that can change that. But let's be honest here, not all Down Syndrome children are teased and bullied. As a matter of fact, most of the time other kids look out for them to make sure they are not bullied. I have a cousin who has Down Syndrome. Does she think something is wrong with her, absolutely not! She knows she is different but she does not think anything is wrong because there's not. She just so happens to have an extra chromosome that other people do not have. My cousin is not being treated poorly like you seem to think. She is not having people being cruel to her like you seem to think.



Also, yes the risk is higher the older you get, it does not mean that after you turn 40 you are automatically going to have a child that is going to be sick. This woman could have a perfectly healthy child. And if the child comes out having some problems, that can be taken care of and the child can be taught how to take care of themselves.



So no, she is not being selfish because she is financially stable enough to take care of another child and wants to share more of her love with a child.

Holly - posted on 10/24/2012

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i just think that she wont be missing out on it. I just think it is selfish for her to RISK having to put a child through possibly having to live life being mentally disabled, meaning KNOWING he/she is different in a BIG way, possibly be made fun of and KNOWING that the person making fun of them is RIGHT, wishing for the world to just accept him/her, or wishing that he was never brought into this situation, that the mother CHOSE to bring them into just for HER to enjoy the joy of being a mother again. to me if you don't find that selfish, I don't know what you would find selfish.



kids get made fun of EVERYDAY with out the help of disabilities... imagine the pain it is for someone to ACTUALLY have something wrong with them... the SAME mean and hateful kids pick on them, but ACTUALLY have something to target, and that poor kid KNOWS it. he ALREADY will know he is different. he ALREADY KNOWS there is something "wrong" with him/her, but that bully will make sure he never forgets it... and to be as selfish as KNOWING That you are going to increase the chances of having a kid with disabilities, is not worth it, if you have ALREADY had the joy of experiencing motherhood. You aren't missing out, you've ALREADY had it. Besides all the CRUELTY the child is going to be FORCED to experience, the MANY medical complications that come with the other disabilities, this is not selfish?

Lacye - posted on 10/24/2012

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So that should automatically mean she should not experience the joy of motherhood all over again simply because she had previous kids?

Holly - posted on 10/24/2012

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she ALREADY has kids... thats why she said one more.... if she NEVER had kids i may agree with you lacye... but that's no the case, she's ALREADY felt the joy of having kids

Lacye - posted on 10/24/2012

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Holly I may agree with you on some points, but if this woman wants to have a child after she turns 40 that does not mean she is irresponsible. Older parents can take care of children just as well as younger parents. This woman is not being selfish by wanting to wait until she knew for a fact she could financially provide for her own child.

Charity_knox - posted on 10/24/2012

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Yes there is a higher chance of down syndrome if older but it is just that a chance and not a guarantee. The chance of having a healthy child still outweighs the chance of not. You could put alot of "what if's" in any pregnancy. Obviously you won't be a new mom at 40,good for you! But that's not what everyone chooses and just because someone chooses something different than you DOES not make them irresponsible or less of a parent. My mom had my youngest sister at 40+ and she survived her elderly mom,LOL and is still alive today at 22 years old. My older sister had her last one at 41 she is a great mom! Your opinion is great for you but it's not an evil despicable horrifying thing to be gasp! OMG! a new mom at what? 40 years of age.

Holly - posted on 10/24/2012

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is she going to be up to staying up with a child who may have down syndrome? you realize that when you hit 35 the chances of having a child with down syndrome GREATLY increase, and this child is going to need a LOT more care and attention and energy than a child with out any mental disability. this child could be a "child" WELL into his/her 30s, when she will then be 70... will she STILL have the energy then? even if the child has no mental disability... when the child is 16- 17 and is going to be needing different type of energy, as in staying on top of things such as if the child sneaks out at night or goes out to parties and they are in there 60s is this going to be something that they would be able to deal with at that age? to me this is VERY selfish. when you are 40 yes, you are still active enough to HAVE a child... but you have to think at least 20 years into the future. in 20 years will you STILL have enough energy to handle it? ESP if the child is born with disabilities, BECAUSE you decided to have another baby at your age. How old are your other children? will they be old enough to have babies? why don't you just wait so that you can play grandma? then you can support your children, and if they need financial support you can do that too, since you are more well off than you were when you had children

Charity_knox - posted on 10/24/2012

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She(Robyn) sounds like a very responsible mother thinking of whether her and her husband are financially stable for another child. Maybe she started her family later in her life there is nothing wrong with that. For every responsible ,loving UNSELFISH 40 year old mom there are probably 5 SELFISH "younger" moms who pop out kids and don't take care of them properly. My aunt who had her last child past mid 40's is now 53+ is very healthy and you would never guess her age. She keeps up with her kiddos very well and is a wonderful mom. She got married after 30 because she didn't meet the man she wanted to marry till then. Such is life it's how her cards fell in life and she is a great mom to all of her kids. Just because you have a child around 40 does not automatically make you SELFISH or UNFAIR and your kids are going to SUFFER from it. It may not be best for everyone but just because your 40 does not all the sudden make you unfit to become a new mom!

Holly - posted on 10/23/2012

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Physically it is possible, but will you have enough energy to keep up with the little one? When he/she is 10 you will be 50, will you be too tired to deal with the little one? don't you think that wouldn't be fair to the child? Don't you think that would be pretty selfish of you?

Debi - posted on 10/23/2012

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I had m first son at the age of 40 and my twins at 44 years old. Yes, there were complications with both of the pregnacies and I had to be on bedrest with each. My twins are in kindergarten, I am just shy of 50.

Dina - posted on 10/23/2012

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I had my last baby with 43 years old and she is so precious and I am not feel old to take care of them but tired :-).

Lacye - posted on 10/23/2012

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I personally think 40 is too old. I know a lot of people disagree with me but I have always told myself that I will not have children after I turn 30 and I'm sticking with that (I'm getting my tubes tied in January or February).



I look at it like this, after you turn 30, a woman has a higher chance of having more complications with her pregnancy and there is more chance that there will be something wrong with the baby. At 40, that risk gets significantly higher. I couldn't do that to my child or myself.

Barbara - posted on 10/23/2012

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It depends on the individual. If you are healthy and are good at bouncing back why not? Are you prepare to have a teenager at 56 years old? Do you really want to deal with a teenager at 56 years old then go for it. Its good if you can. When I am 56 years old I do not want to be staying up to 11 or 12 pm wandering where my children are. I want to be looking forward to grandchildren and spoiling them and giving them back to their parents.

Bobbie - posted on 10/21/2012

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Just read up on your response and I had to say,,,,,,,I wish every woman who became a mother could be half as good of a candidate for awesome mommy as you are!

Brittney - posted on 10/21/2012

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My mom had me at 43, she considered herself too old and her doctor thought she was too old, but she had a healthy pregnancy with no complications.

Charity_knox - posted on 10/21/2012

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Absolutely not too old or too late. Many women in my family had babies in their 40's including an aunt that had her last a few days shy of her 48th birthday and a healthy home birth at that.You may be considered a bit higher risk but you can still have a healthy pregnancy. Good luck!

Robyn - posted on 10/21/2012

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we did just have a baby 6 months ago and I always wanted 2 little ones about 2 years apart so they can grow up together, Financially we are in a good position and our marriage is great, but we arent near family which is difficult, as my husband is a police officer and I am a detention guard so we move every few years but never in same place as our family,that makes it a bit hard but other then that I cant actually think of a reason not to get pregnant in the summer.

Bobbie - posted on 10/21/2012

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More power to you! You know what your physical and financial picture is better than anyone.

I can't see putting an age limit on motherhood. It makes no sense to me. My best friend was the baby of her family and came along 20 years after they thought they were finished and their first four were all in high school or out of the house! LOL She came along at the perfect time her mother tells me. She was the greatest joy to both parents. Her mother was 46.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 10/21/2012

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Well, you are not 40 yet. Get busy! Also, really it is between you, your partner and your doctor. Good luck.

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