Is being a young mom of many bad?

Kendall - posted on 05/17/2011 ( 78 moms have responded )

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No bad comments please.... I will be 17 in a couple weeks and I have 4 kiddos and one on the way! How bad is that if I can provide for them all an I am engaged and have my own house. I am also with the father of all but my oldest!

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Jenni - posted on 05/19/2011

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Well Vanessa, I'm not going to deny that it is a bit outrageous to have 5 kids at 16 or 17. It is. And it is very hard to believe. I, myself, was skeptical.

It's not exactly something you hear about too often.

When you put yourself out there on an open forum. Describe a somewhat controversial scenerio. You have to expect not all comments are going to be about sunshine, rainbows and puppy dogs.

If you are not prepared to be judged, then posting something controversial on an online forum is probably not the best idea.

You can't say I'm a 16 year old with 4 kids and one on the way, is that good or bad? But no negative comments please. That's a bit of an oxymoron. Some people are going to think it is bad and list reasons why. Some people are going to think as long as you're self-sufficient and your kids are taken care of... to each their own.



If she's wondering if it is good or bad. Why the heck would you want only good comments? If she's looking for approval only... why post it? I'm sorry but there isn't going to be too many people that think having that many kids at that young of an age is the best decision someone can make. If you think everyone is going to tell you how awesome you are and pat you on the back for having that many kids so young, that's a pipe dream. It's not reality. Reality is, that's it's probably not the best idea to have that many kids so young. If she's defying the odds and it's working for her... that's great. Then she shouldn't need random stranger's approval.

Carolyn - posted on 05/17/2011

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im really really curious as to how you are manage to provide for these children at your age.

are you using government assistance to "provide for your children"

is your own house, low income housing?

Unless you are with a much older guy who has an education and a good paying job, I really cant imagine your being able to provide for all these kids at your age without some serious assistance. And if serious assistance involved, "you" are not providing for them.

allthough its far beyond what you asked, it is what first went through my head in all honesty. My husband and I both work, I have a well paying career, and I cant imagine providing for 5 kids off our income and our financial obligations ( which arent extraordinary). Atleast not "providing" to my definition of the word.

Is being 16 with 4 and one more on the way bad ? i wont say its bad... but i do feel it was irresponsible after getting pregnant at the age of 11 , to continue to have unprotected sex, and pumping out 1 baby per year after that.


Yes our grandparents and great grandparents were having babies at ridiculously young ages ( compared to now) but the world was also a very different place then as well. People worked their farms, provided much of their own food with their own hands, built their homes, money was more valuable and went alot further. People sewed their own clothes, made their own diapers, children meant farm hands and help on the homestead. Life expectancy was also much shorter than, so when people were dying at much younger ages, families started earlier. You could get a "good" paying job without a highschool education, never mind college...

so to say " well my grandma had babies at 13, and so did her mom" is a very negligeable statement. That world was a much different one than the one we live in now, and what it takes to provide of your own hard work for your family takes alot more investement in education and being grown up than it ever has before.

Jenni - posted on 05/17/2011

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I have a feeling she's not going to reply anyways. I think we're wasting our time.
I'm not entirely convinced this isn't just someone 'trolling'.

Amy - posted on 05/22/2011

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I know I'm catching up late on all this. Can you just clarify something for me?

How can a child under the age of 4 model "by choice"?? If you and your guy are providing for them, hopefully whatever money they make is going into an account just for them and not being used to pay the bills. Kids aren't trophies or for show or for monetary gain. A young mom doesn't bother me, but if you're using the kids for means to survive, not okay for me.

Sherri - posted on 05/19/2011

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Yes I am sure she is and I am sorry but you can not expect everyone to throw a party and be thrilled about this situation. Also honestly if you post something like this you can not expect to just hear the good. There is going to be negative comments and she needs to hear those too. Although most have been more than supportive in my opinion.

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Kimberly - posted on 05/23/2011

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Supporting her kids not 1, 2, but 4 and one on the way at 16...I call B.S you aren't supporting nothing but a free sperm bank!

[deleted account]

I wanna know how big you are that you survived a twin pregnancy while caring for a 2 year old... considering that I'm about the size of a 14 year old and it just about killed me (well, not quite, but it was absolutely brutal).....

[deleted account]

Sorry if I don't sound so overwhelmingly supportive, but there are so many red flags here!

1. Congrats on early high school graduation. But now what? Your life skills are making babies.

2. Modeling as a career? And now expoliting your children? Way to go! Your infants are paying your electrical bill.

3. Regardless of your maturity level, you ARE still a child, a minor. Even if you are emancipated, you have no life expereince out there in the big bad world if all you have been doing over the past 5 years is child-rearing.

4. I do find it hard to believe that in between babies, you and your baby daddy actually had the time and energy to take care of 5 kids, maintain a household, go to work-photo shoots are an all day event I assume? Also, complete high school and college classes.

5. I also question why your state did not intervene when you gave birth at age 12. At age 12 you are not emotionally, physically, and financially to care for a child. So I would like you to respond to this concern. Did your mother or other adult assume guardianship over the child?

6. So....your modeling career pays your health insurance bill every time you birth a child or have to take your children to the pediatrician for updates and vaccinations? Highly doubt it! Do you pay for private insurance?

7. Welcome to the world of public forums. You might not receive the open arms lovey-dovey welcome you were expecting. You might receive a lot of eye-raising doubts. You might receive even some hate-mail. But that's what to expect when you air your business on a public forum.

Stephanie - posted on 05/21/2011

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Thats really good that your with the father if he is supportive to you and your children. I have a college degree and am struggling to provide for the two I have. I dont know how your doing it? I would say that you have alot on your hands, but the deed has been done and your going to have five babies to take care of and can only wish you the best of luck in providing the love, support and care that they need.

Mrs. - posted on 05/20/2011

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Wow, I've been acting for over a decade and I had to take a big hunk of time off to have my kid...and get back to making money. I just have one kid.

The people I know who are models have all had to do the same when they've had kids. A lot of them had to give it up or just out grew the profession while caring for their kids/getting their bodies back in shape. It is a very limited shelf life and most model don't make big money.

I totally wanna know how you managed it all and have a sustainable career in modelling? Me and several of my friends in the modelling biz would love the tips. I'm kind of being sarcastic, but I'm hopeful this might actually be real and there is some magical solution we all don't know about.

CHERYL - posted on 05/20/2011

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That is super, glad to hear this. I've never heard of anyone your age with the same guy, of all kids except the oldest nor having your own place. Super job.
Did you finish high school is my question? IF not I would look into getting my GED at least.
Best wishes with them all and with the lil one on the way.

Cynthia - posted on 05/20/2011

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yes i saw that. so how is it that she is 5 months pregnant with a 4 month old. thank you for clearing that up. i still dont think so!!

[deleted account]

OK... well, upon further investigation the last baby was born in December and the next one is due in October, so 'technically' that is possible. I still want to know how you have time and energy to model.... or even just breathe w/ a 4 year old, two 2 year olds, a 4 month old.... and being pregnant.... Guess lack of energy is one of the 'curses' I got by waiting to have twins til I was 25. ;)

Cynthia - posted on 05/20/2011

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Teresa i can believe she has 2 babies. at 16 but 5???? i just cant believe that.

[deleted account]

Did anyone else bother to check out her profile? I need to go back and look closer, but at first glance it appears that she has a 4 month old.... but is also 5 months pregnant.....

Cynthia - posted on 05/20/2011

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is this even possible? do you have twins or something? how old were you when you had the 1st?

my answer is yes it is bad. if its true you parents should be in jail for allowing you to keep making babies. its not fair to you or the babies. and who took care of the babies while you were growing up? i dont even believe this. do any of you think this story is true?

Tanya - posted on 05/20/2011

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I think the only "bad" to be found in having 5 kiddos before 18 is that it holds you back from becoming an independent adult! I became a mom at 17, and didn't adjust to being an adult until I was 20. But then again, my life has never been easy!

[deleted account]

I'm curious how you're modeling when you've been pregnant so much in the past 5 years. You're kids are models too? You said by choice, but that seems a bit young to be making that choice. What are your plans when your modeling careers are over?



I'm not trying to be trouble... just still trying to wrap my head around the entire situation. It's still not adding up, but maybe that's just cuz I'm too 'old' and tired. ;)

[deleted account]

I thought it was a joke Vanessa BUT,I still had the decency to apologise to Kendall for my comment.Like most of the other moms who said sorry for thinking it was fishy.Were only human, we can make mistakes but whats important is we said sorry and then gave positive, helpful advice to Kendall.Which i am sure she respected.

[deleted account]

I'd say that as long as you can provide and are lovingly engaged with all of your children, then it's not a bad thing. There are trade offs of course. You are a missing a lot of your youth. I started my family at 22 and am considered a "young mom" by most of my friends. Good luck to you!

Taryn - posted on 05/20/2011

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I don't think it is bad , but how many do you want .. kiddos do get expensive and just to have them all safe in a vehicle can add up . good luck to you and all those little kiddos . I was a young mom too .. not as young as you . but I have done ok for my kids and now i have 8 grandkids .. good luck

Christina - posted on 05/20/2011

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I am not judging but i wanted to make a few comments. I was 17 when I had my first child which she will be 16 in Oct and I am glad I had her early but I knew I couldnt afford another anytime soon until I got myself together.I have 4 children all together and they are 15, 11, 7 and 9 months. I have help from the father and I have a good paying job but it is still hard. I read that you dont get any assistance. Im trying to figure out how, when it cost thousands to have a baby and thats not including prenatal care. You also have to be careful about having so many children at a young age because it does somethings to your body once you get older..well at least thats what I was told. Before I end this I would like to say sorry about what happened to you when you got pregnant with your first child. You are a good person to keep the baby after the rape because a lot of woman wouldnt

~♥Little Miss - posted on 05/19/2011

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And yes, Krista...you worded that well, and so did you Jennifer.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 05/19/2011

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Yup, I certainly thought it was an attention seeking thread. I have no problem admitting that. It is very unusual for a girl (yes girl) your age to have so many children. I am sorry for the way you conceived your first born. That is horrible circumstances. I am sure you do not regret it becouse of your child that you have from it, but still. Why have more at such a young age? I just don't get it. Not really my place to approve or disapprove either way...but it should not be posted if you wanted to avoid a critical eye.

Krista - posted on 05/19/2011

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In my opion most were bad. Some were even real bad thought she was joke.

Vanessa, we HAVE had people before come on to COM and post outrageous things that turned out to be untrue, for the sole purpose of having the fun of riling people up.

So when someone, who has made VERY few other posts, posts something so shocking, and so biologically improbable, is it really that surprising that several people figured that it HAD to be a joke?

Meghan - posted on 05/19/2011

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Kendall, I think years ago, alot more women did this kind of thing more than we realize. Hunny , if you are happy in this life and the descion to have children so young was all your decision, then I wish you all the best! Good luck sweetie!

Michelle - posted on 05/19/2011

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As long as you can take care of your kids and provide all the emotional, mental and physical nurturing and love they need who cares how many kids you have.

Vanessa - posted on 05/19/2011

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Jennifer. I so agree with u. Then y post it. Im just not goin to be negative. .i think it is outrageous also. But its already done n if shes stepping and taking on the responsibily I do pat her on the back! Not for her or amount of children cus it bizare. But for not giving up on her children..

Roseanne - posted on 05/19/2011

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I don't see anything wrong with that, as long as you are as responsible as you say. If someone can't afford them or is more concerned about themselves than their kids (which can happen a lot with teens), or if someone just plans on pawning them off on their parents, then there's a problem and birth control is available for those people. I am in no way implying that you, yourself, are like this. You sound like you have your stuff together, and that's what counts. Just my opinion. Just be careful not to overload yourself. Burnout sucks :)

Vanessa - posted on 05/19/2011

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In my opion most were bad. Some were even real bad thought she was joke. N few were good. In my opionion. Im sure the negative ones needed to be heard but judged. No. were nobody to judge. Some people wait n think thats best and some dont. I dont agree with the age and amount of children at that.age but has already been done. And being a teenage mother myself I would like to support her. Espesially of those mothers who did decide to wait and had no good to say at all and thought she was a joke, ridicilous, outrageous. We are all mothers regardless of age. And support from mothers wouldnt hurt. N like I said I was a teen mom and I proved that I could do it and stil am.....

Jenni - posted on 05/19/2011

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It was a general statement about being a young mom. The OP was asking if it was good or bad so I imagine she's concerned about people judging her.

Sherri - posted on 05/19/2011

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FYI reading the comments I have seen few rash comments. Most have been very positive.

Jenni - posted on 05/19/2011

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Yeah, Lindsey reminds me of a good point. It doesn't matter what your situation is; as a parent, strangers are going to pass judgements on you. I don't know why it is that when we become parents, others think it's kosher to make rash judgements of us.... but they do. It's something all of us parents have to/have had to deal with at some point. And it's something we are all guilty of at some point. Whether it's your toddler having a meltdown in the grocery store or giving a child a bottle instead of the breast. We ALL get sideways glances and unwanted comments. It's your initiation to becoming a parent. If it's not for one thing, it'll be for another.



I'm 29. I have a step daughter who is almost 4, a son who is almost 3 and a daughter who just turned 1. I had my first biological child at 26. Even *I* constantly get sideways glances and comments when I'm out in public with my 3 kids, 3 and under: "Oh my! You must have your hands FULL!" to flat out telling me I must be "insane".



There are some people out there who will look at every parent they see under a microscope. Whether it is to make themselves feel better about their own life, express elitist parenting methods... ie: The way I did it was so much better than the way she's doing it... and yada yada yada



You just learn to ignore said comments and focus on what you feel is right and be confident in the choices you've made for yourself and your children.

Yvonne - posted on 05/19/2011

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I too was a young mother. Age 16 when I had my first child. I'm now in my 30's with 3 children. I have found there are a lot of benefits to being a young mother, but it is also a harder road to take. It sounds like you have a lot going for you. It's too late now to question wheather or not being a young parent is bad, all you can do now is prove to yourself that you CAN raise your children just as good and with as much love as any older parents can. It's a hard job for anyone, and being younger can make it even harder, but you can do it, I'm proof of that. My daughter is now 15. We have a very open and honest relationship. She respects me for the sacrifices I've made to raise her and her brothers, but she also is determined to finish school and college before she starts raising a family. She will not be a statistic, and that shows me I'm doing something right. As a young parent we can relate to what our teens are going through, as it hasn't been that long since we too have been through it. Keep your head up and never let anyone make you feel bad about your decision to have your children.

[deleted account]

Wow 12, you poor girl..that must of been so hard for you.
I think you are doing great, if you can afford to care for your children etc.I think no one can judge you.You might be very young but if you have your head on your shoulders and are doing a good job, which it sounds like you are.Stay doing what your doing.Do you plan on more after baby number 5?.I say far play.
I was young at 19 having my first, i am now close to 26 and i have a second daughter age 2.Its hard and right now.Its even harder in the recession.I take my hat off to you.Your doing very well to be able to provide so well for 5 children and still being a child yourself.
I would like to apologize for thinking it was a joke.Best of luck to you, i really wish you nothing but the best.

Lindsey - posted on 05/19/2011

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i think 5 children at 17 is a bit to much, but my answer is as long as you love your children, and you can provide for then it is no problem. i was a teen mum to. long as you can look after your children. it doesnt matter if u get weird looks when your out, or people bein nasty about it. if your a good mum then its fine.

Vanessa - posted on 05/18/2011

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Of course I do. Im sure she knows that but why ring her down and slam her. I no my child would not even be having a child concieved by rape and aafter that she would have been put on birth control for sure. She obviously had a rough childhood and a little support from anotha motther woulndt hurt especially from all the negativty. Tthat im sure she always hears n gets from others.she knows but if shes able to appeartly,take care of her own n handled it like an adult and stood up for her resposibilitys I give her around of a plause. I see teen moms wit one baby n not even be able to handle that one let alone 4. Im sure she knows she missed out on allot of teen things. ALLOT! But to stand up and take care of your resonsibiltys I find very very very brave n good n I applause her!!!!

Sherri - posted on 05/18/2011

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Okay Vanessa but you don't think 5 children at 17 yrs old is a tad bit much for a girl who is still a child herself and by law not even an adult yet herself???

Vanessa - posted on 05/18/2011

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Teresa, yes 23 is young I agree. But some people love being a mothet and love children like myself. I wanted a big family a I have my big famiy. I could not imagine life without my beautiful babies. My life is never boring. And family trips bithday parties are always so fun. I think when its one child for a long period parents tend to spoil them n then when the next child come the 1st becomes jelous well thats from what I c from my sisters children the 1st is quite bratty n has been found trying to hurt his lil sister.cus he was use to being the only one. And I wanted to b a young mother not an older mother. I want to be able to do things with my cjildren as a young mother that some older mothers may not be able to do or cant do. And I plan to b done having kids and enjoy my adult years without becoming pregnant. And after all my kids my body has stayed a size 5 n I think if I had my children at an

older age I think it would be much harder to loose the baby wieght. :) I think personally.

[deleted account]

Vanessa.... you're also over 6 years older than this poster and pregnant w/ the SAME number child....

I do think 23 is rather young to be having that many kids (hey, I was 25 when I gave birth to my first 2), but there is a world of difference between 23 and not quite 17. And sorry.... if one of my girls gets pregnant at 12.... they'll be 'locked' up until 18. ;)

Vanessa - posted on 05/18/2011

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Kendal im 23 and goin on my 5th child dont let what anyoneget you down. I have taken allot of negativity but it has never got me down. I marrid and am still married to my childrens father. My family never approved but lkke you me and my husband work and we have a beautiful house!!!

Erica - posted on 05/18/2011

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No matter what your financial situation is, I think it's absolutely ridiculous to have that many kids at such a young age. Birth control is easy to access and affordable. Get some.

Jane - posted on 05/18/2011

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If being the mother of lots of kids is what you really want to do with your life and you have the income to support them, then fine. There is absolutely no problem with that. I do have a friend who eloped when she was 16 with her boy friend who was 18. They married and raised seven kids. She was a SAHM and he worked hard to care for his family. They had been married 50 years when he died from a heart attack.

However, that isn't usually how it works out for most people.

A lot of young moms think that motherhood will change something in them, give them some kind of love they didn't have. They don't end up marrying the father of their child, or if they do, they end up divorced and having to find a job which pays very little since they stopped school to have children. Then, in 20 years or so, when others are doing well in careers with kids still at home and in school, these moms discover they don't have a job any more because their kids have left to live their own lives. They don't have a husband and they don't have any paid work experience. It means a difficult and fairly grim future.

Most teens simply can't plan for the future well enough to even have a credit card of their own. There are, however, exceptions to every rule. More power to you all. Good luck.

Stifler's - posted on 05/18/2011

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I have to agree with Carolyn too, back then when people were having kids young... women didn't vote or work or get any kind of respect from anyone. Invalid argument.

Stifler's - posted on 05/18/2011

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Why do you care what we think if you can provide for them all and are engaged and have your own house? Just curious.

Sherri - posted on 05/18/2011

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I am with Teresa on this one. I am just going to be respectful and keep my mouth closed.

Medic - posted on 05/18/2011

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I am a bit optimistic about this because her response was the topic of another thread same typos and all.....troll....or something.

Toni - posted on 05/18/2011

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Honestly if you can afford it or not having children so young is crazy. You missed out on so much. Where were your parents? Rape I understand but then to continue having more, wasn't your life difficult enough? I'm surprised you even wanted to have sex after such an ordeal. How long have you been with your BF? I mean you were and are so young to even have a BF, your parents let you date and have sex? How are you even legally allowed to live on your own? I don't know how your a model after having so many babies. What do you model maternity clothing? You must work out like crazy. I'm just so shocked to hear your story I don't know what you are thinking 5 kids in this day and age wow.
I'm sorry for my comments but its just so shocking.

Krista - posted on 05/18/2011

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And yeah, like Jennifer said, I hope you can understand why some of us were skeptical. Your situation is definitely quite rare.

Krista - posted on 05/18/2011

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Hey, good for you! You're obviously making it work.

I'd still recommend taking a break, though. Having that many babies so close together is hard on your body.

And you are probably already doing this, but make sure to put as much into savings as you can -- your line of work tends to have a fairly shorter lifespan than most. But I'm assuming that the college courses you're both taking are so that you'll have something to fall back on when you retire from modeling.

Bonnie - posted on 05/18/2011

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Kendall, you sound like you are on the right track. You have a fiance, your own home, you and your fiance do all the providing. This is just not something you hear of, or at least I have never heard of. I find it interesting.

Jenni - posted on 05/18/2011

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That's great. You have to understand why we were all a bit skeptical. Normally, when you hear of someone having 5 kids by 17 it is usually not the most optimal situation. But if you're defying the odds, that's amazing and you should be proud of yourself. Why the heck do you need us to validate you? lol

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