Is blocking friends of Sig other inappropriate?

Lana - posted on 08/17/2013 ( 25 moms have responded )

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I am happily married to a wonderful man. He is decent looking and takes excellent care of me. We share passwords and have 99% open social media sites. Every once in awhile I come across an ex following him, visiting his pages, or flirty messages in his inbox. He tells me and turns them down, but that isn't enough for me. When he leaves I have been blocking these pushy females, exes. I feel a little guilty for not telling him, but this man is AWESOME. I refuse the thought of skanks getting the slightest of his attention.
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If your sig other blocked several girls w/o your knowledge would you consider it a violation of trust? Would you rather handle the unwanted attention yourself?

Update: I told him about the blocking and he laughed. His only concern was that I didn't just ask him to block the girls. For some reason he gets turned on when I get possessive and feisty.

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♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 08/23/2013

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Getting turned on because you're possessive and feisty is one thing, but you said it yourself, Lana, "his only concern was that I just didn't ask him to block the girls"...

Which means that, yes, it was a concern, yes it did bother him, and yes, you were being controlling. My hubby gets turned on by my possessiveness as well, but I don't attempt to control him through methods that are inappropriate or illegal.

Leah, yes, this is a "mommy" site, but being a mom is so much more than raising the kids. Its integrating your life and your relationships together, to form a family. Its the daily interaction between spouses/partners/SOs, and all that goes with it. This is a great place to vent, to post questions that maybe you wouldn't even ask your closest friend, but can ask a forum because you aren't personally known, therefore you're somewhat anonymous.

We all have drama in our lives, and sometimes the extra input garnered from this website gives us a new perspective in handling things, so that ultimately we can be the best all around parents that we can be :-)

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I think that you might want to stop doing that because he has already shown you he is open and honest by giving you access to his social media and letting you know whenever an ex has attempted to rekindle things with him. If it were me and I had already given my husband unrestricted access to my email/social media and he went about behind my back deleting people he didn't like I would be very angry and hurt and would seriously consider whether our relationship is going to work

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 08/22/2013

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Ok, well, I agree with Jodi.

You do NOT have an "AWESOME" relationship, not if you feel the need to secretly access HIS social media sites and block contact from other women. He refuses the contacts, and tells you about them, what more do you need?

This "AWESOME" man is going to pick up and leave because you're being an over-controlling, insecure, clingy person, and the only one to blame will be yourself, for your (technically) illegal behaviour. You did realize that logging into another's social networking is not legal, didn't you?

When my hubby was finally convinced to join FB, (and any previous sites such as classmates.com), he'd tell me when someone from his past was getting pushy, and ask me to message them in my "jealous bitch" mode...but only after he'd attempted to cut off contact. I've only had to do it twice, and it was the same woman both times...she finally got the hint. All of his other "old" friends are also mine, and we are all on each other's friends lists.

So, in short, what you're doing is not only wrong, it's controlling, and dishonest. If you cannot be honest with your SO, you cannot have an "awesome" relationship. If you WANT an awesome relationship, try honesty.

Michelle - posted on 08/21/2013

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To me it sounds like you have some trust issues. He has been honest with you and not hiding the fact that these women have contacted him.
I wouldn't be happy if my husband blocked people without my knowledge. He's not my Father and can't control who I talk to. It's the same with you, he is a grown man and you can't control who he talks to like he is a child.

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25 Comments

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Lana - posted on 08/26/2013

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Lol! Whatever. Look up bigot please. Like I said. You are HILARIOUS for trying to tell me how he felt. Some nerve

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 08/26/2013

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That's ok, Lana, I'll let my relationship (open HONEST relationship) of 23 years speak for me.

Oh, and please tell me how this makes me a bigot? I have no problems with people of other races, religions, sexual orientations...I have problems with people deceiving themselves into thinking lying, illegal, and shady actions (and, yes, signing in to another's social media site IS ILLEGAL, whether they're your spouse or not) are actually benefiting their relationships.

Good luck to you and yours! Cheers!

Lana - posted on 08/23/2013

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How are you going to tell me how my husband felt? You come off bigoted, and self righteous. How hilarious

Lana - posted on 08/23/2013

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actually Shawnn it seems to me that you are incorrect. He was concerned because I could've just asked him to block her. He understood well that it had nothing to do with me trusting him and no, I wasn't being "controlling. He KNOWS that I'm not controlling and found it a bit odd that I did something like that to begin with. Which is why he was amused and aroused by it. Nothing I did was illegal either. In fact he has read some of you alls response and found some of them HILARIOUS! especially the one about me having a bee in my bonnet. He IS awesome and I thank you all for your input, I took MOST of it into consideration. Crisis averted. He understands me more than I ever could have imagined.

Leah_ballinger - posted on 08/23/2013

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I'm with shawnn with all she said. She has common sense and knowledge.... and no offense to others, but HOW DOES THIS TOPIC HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH THIS WEBSITE??? This topic has nothing to with mommy or mommy to be. This is drama.

Lindsay - posted on 08/22/2013

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Yeah I would be a little annoyed if he did it to me without my permission. If it is that big of an issue he should want to block them himself. I went through this with my husband before we were married. And it was really annoying. But you have to trust your guy. If he has given you no reason to not trust him, then why cause a problem from nothing? There is nothing more important than trust, and he will love and respect you more to know that you are confident in your relationship. Let the girls say what they want, but its up to him to take care of it or just not respond at all. Its unfortunate that their are some girls out there that have no moral values and that would go out of their way to flirt with a married man.

Jodi - posted on 08/22/2013

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Shawnn, I don't know why she has a problem with me either. She won't even explain it to me. You'd think, if she were going to be so outright rude, that she would at least tell my what her issue actually is. To me, a differing opinion on another topic isn't really a reason to be as rude to someone as she was to me here. If I'd been rude, I could understand it, but carrying things on from other conversations isn't appropriate, nor called for, as far as I'm concerned.

Lana - posted on 08/22/2013

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Update: I told him about the blocking and he laughed. His only concern was that I didnt just ask him to block the girls. For some reason he gets turned on when I get posessive and feisty.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 08/22/2013

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I didn't say you had argued, Lana, I was merely posting an observation.

Just so long as you understand that you cannot dictate who responds to your posts on an open public forum ;-)

Lana - posted on 08/22/2013

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I havent argued with a single person on this matter. As for my problem with Jodi, it does not concern you.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 08/22/2013

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Lana, you cannot indicate who will or can respond to things that you post on this site.

Why are you being so rude to Jodi, in particular? She posted a response to your request for opinions and input.

Is this another of your "I found this on FB, and thought it would be good for debate" questions? I've noticed you're fond of doing that, which in itself isn't a big deal, but then you seem to take things very personally if one disagrees with you.

Lana - posted on 08/22/2013

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Jodi please stop talking to me. I have been belittled and disrespected by you enough. Thank you all for your responses.

Michelle - posted on 08/22/2013

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Jodi, You aren't going to get an answer. She has a bee in her bonnet about you so whatever you say on any of her posts she is going to react this way.

Jodi - posted on 08/22/2013

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Lana, what is your problem? You asked a question and I answered it honestly. There is absolutely no need for your rude comment.

Lana - posted on 08/21/2013

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Thank you it seems to me this is the most popular response. I seem to have a fiercer stance on my marriage ever since it became a small family.

Jodi - posted on 08/17/2013

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It is hardly an open social media site if you are blocking people from his social media and not telling him. I don't understand why you can't just talk to him about how it makes you feel. If he is that "AWESOME", he would do something about it if it made you feel like that.

Vanessa - posted on 08/17/2013

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I would for sure consider it a violation especially if it was a secret. Maybe you ought to let him know in a cute funny way and see how he reacts?

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