Is having my 14 year old son wait til he is 16 years old to have a girlfriend silly?

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Kathy - posted on 12/16/2011

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i am 14 and i know!!!!!!! IT IS WRONG TO FORBID UR SON FROM HAVING A GIRLFRIEND BEFORE THE AGE OF 16 ,IF U PREVENT HIM FOM DOING SOMETHIN , HE WILL DO IT BEHIND UR BACK SO IT IS VERY IMPORTANT TO LET HIM CHOOSE WHAT TO DO , BUT U SHOULD RAISE UR KIDS WELL AND BE VERY VERY OPEN TO THEM

Misty - posted on 06/16/2011

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My parents were against having GF/BF till I was 16. The result was me going against them and getting married at 17. I think with my kids I will let them have their little crushes as long as there is a responsible adult with them at all times . That won't leave much room for them to do something they shouldn't

Jodi - posted on 06/16/2011

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"Nope that is the rule in my home too. ZERO dating or even mentioning girlfriends till you are 16."

Not even *allowing* them to talk about a girlfriend until they are 16 is going a bit far IMO. You are FORCING them to then lie to you.

Kathy - posted on 12/16/2011

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ppl listen to ur children , i am 14 and i think it's VERY VERY wrong to forbid ur son from having a girlfriend before the age of 16 let him have his own expreriences , if u raised him well , at the age of 13-15 he won't get sexual or do anything wrong with his girlfriend, he'll just talk to her and they might kiss , they won't go further i am 14 i KNOW , so to answer u , YES it is SILLY , if u forbid him from having a girl friend he'll go have one without telling u and if u make him feel that he can't do anything he will get desperate and he'll go do stuff without telling u , like having sex, smoking, drinking .. and the list goes on, but u're open with him if u tell him what u think and let him tell u what he thinks , he will behave , and he'll come to you when he's in trouble or when he needs help , instead of going to his friends

Amber - posted on 06/16/2011

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I personally don't have a problem with it as long as the teenager in question is mature and responsible and there is some sort of supervision.

I was allowed to have a "boyfriend" at 14. That meant talking on the phone, sometimes seeing a movie, going to the roller rink, going to friends birthday parties "together", etc.
You know what my mom would say to me? "I trust you, Amber". Good grief!! Those words work your conscience in a knot!
I never wanted to do anything to break my mom's trust because she offered it so freely. I respected her for trusting my judgement, even if the guy was an asshole. She let me sort it out for myself.

Then, when I was 16 and going out for dates without a chaperone or supervision, I didn't make the same stupid mistakes that I made before. I knew how to say no when I felt uncomfortable. I knew how to not pick the jerk because I had started to learn about the qualities that I liked.

As a mother, I can appreciate what a genius my mother is :)

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Jodi - posted on 06/16/2011

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"Why must you take it to the extreme. Really!!!"

I wasn't taking it to the extreme. I was simply saying that I found it strange to ban mentioning girlfriends. But I see now that you mean he can't even mention DATING a girlfriend until he is 16. That wasn't clear in your first post. That's all.

Sherri - posted on 06/16/2011

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Why must you take it to the extreme. Really!!!

My oldest has a crush on a girl but is so mature and they have been friends for so long that he won't risk their friendship and ever date her because they are way to good of friends and he doesn't ever want that to change. Extremely mature for a 14 yr old don't you think?

Really we have an open relationship. I was really referring to the fact that I won't even relatively entertain the idea of dating till they are 16. School for now is their one and only concern. Can they talk about a girl sure, can they discuss dating this girl. NOPE!! not till they reach that magic age.

Jodi - posted on 06/16/2011

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No worries. I just find it strange to ban even mentioning girlfriends. I would think it would be a good opportunity to discuss the responsibilities of having a girlfriend, etc. But anyway, each to their own. Hope it works for you.

Sherri - posted on 06/16/2011

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Nope no lies they aren't interested in girls yet. So it is working quite nicely in my household but thanks for your opinion Jodi. :)

Leandra - posted on 06/16/2011

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My parents made us wait until we were 16 to date. Obviously we could have a BF/GF at school but we were not allowed to go on dates with them until 16. I personally will not allow my kids to date til they are 16 either. Just be prepared for fights. I had lots of arguments with my parents

Christy - posted on 06/16/2011

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Not really but you can't force him not to have one in school or in the neighborhood behind your back. If you allow him to have a GF, chaperone the activities (bowling, movies, etc). If you feel OK, drop them off at the local pool and pick them up 2 hours later.

Gwen - posted on 06/16/2011

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No. If that is what you feel is best for your son and fits with your family's value system, it's fine. I applaud you for setting firm boundaries.

Sherri - posted on 06/16/2011

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Nope that is the rule in my home too. ZERO dating or even mentioning girlfriends till you are 16.

Sarah - posted on 06/16/2011

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Hmm that's a tough one! Is there a particular girl?

I guess it really depends on your situation.

I don't see a problem with inviting her over or going out with a group of friends, even taking her to the movies or something!

I think most teenagers will find a way to get what they want and if they don't have a bit of freedom they will rebel.

I remember the boy i was with when i was 13 and 14 wasn't allowed to date me so he lied to his parents about what he was doing and dated me anyway, for a year lol

I think at that age it's mostly innocent. I don't think there's anything wrong with him having a girlfriend if you keep a close eye on what he's doing and stay in contact with the girlfriend's parents.

I think a bit of dating is important for teens even that young.

If there isn't a particular girl then telling him not til he's 16 might be a good thing, until there is a particular girl. :)



Edit to add: I'm in Australia so there might be cultural differences lol :)

JuLeah - posted on 06/16/2011

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Depends on the kids. How old is the girl? What do her parents' think? I am all for group dating at this age, not one on one. I think it is too young.

Jodi - posted on 06/16/2011

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I guess it depends what you mean by "girlfriend". I certainly wouldn't let my son go out on a date (he is almost 14), but if there was a group of kids going to the movies and he happens to have a girlfriend, there is not a lot I can really do about that, short of not letting him out of the house :) So I have no problems with him having a "girlfriend", but I certainly won't be encouraging a romantic relationship at this age.

Jane - posted on 06/15/2011

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No. Most 14 year olds really aren't ready to date officially.

I had my daughter wait until she was 16 to go on one on one dates. Then she had her first official boyfriend at 18.

There is no reason he can't go on "group" dates, where 5 or 6 kids all meet at the movies or the bowling alley. But not one on one romantic dates.

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