Is he really transgender???

Cat D - posted on 03/31/2016 ( 5 moms have responded )




I am beside myself today. Today my 14 yr old son decided to tell me that he is transgender and identifies as a female. Now he wants me to call him Katelyn Nicole and I just don't know what to do! I feel bewildered! My son who has never shown even the slightest feminine tendency is now telling me he has felt this way since he was 9/10. I just don't get it. I am having a hard time buying into it all. I hate to be the parent that says it is because of who he is hanging with but we moved to a new community, new school and now he is hanging with a group of LGBT kids and now he tells me this. I told him I love him no matter what and we would talk about it when he comes home but honestly I don't know how to handle this. I truly feel he is just confused. Like maybe he is attracted to men and equates that with a need to be a girl or something....IDK has anyone else dealt with this before?


Raye - posted on 04/01/2016




Well, many kids who struggle with sexual orientation or gender identity try very hard for a long time to fit in the "norms" of what's expected by their parents, community, church, etc. So, it can be very shocking for the parents and family. It may be that the new environment is more accepting and has allowed him/her to feel more secure in "coming out" to his/her family.

If you're not sure if he's just gay (sexual orientation) or truly identifies as being the opposite sex (transgender), then talk to your child. This is the time to not rush to conclusions or be judgmental, but to ask, listen, and try to understand.

I have a friend whose daughter identifies as male. She went from being Catie to being Caesar. But my friend can't seem to get the hang of calling her "daughter" a boy's name so just calls "him" C. If you're not comfortable calling your child a different name, then maybe come up with your own nickname or just call them "honey" or other term of endearment.

Counseling might be a good idea to allow you both to better process your feelings and try to understand what the other person is going through.

Bunchalotta - posted on 03/31/2016




You will need to be very patient. Explain to him that you love him no matter what and that you will respect his wishes to identify as a female, but he is also going to have to be patient with you, too because this is surprising to you! Just always be clear that you don't think there is anything wrong with him, that you're not embarrassed about him, but you don't know anything about being a mom to a LGBT child and it's going to take some time to learn. Welcome his friends and get to know them. Ask him what are the right words to use and for him to be understanding if you mess up and say the "wrong" thing. If it is against your religious convictions, now is not the time to hash that out. Learn to be as accepting as possible, this is scary and hard for him too! You'll need to start saying she instead of he, her instead of him. I think counseling would be great idea.

I'm a devout Roman Catholic and my daughter first told me she was bisexual when she was 18. Now she's 27 and has only had close female relationships. I just love her, accept her, welcome her girlfriends to dinner and explain to the younger kids what exactly it is that our faith believes about same sex attractions. We've been really low key and never had any fights, hateful words or anything. I've never had any reason to explain this to my church friends because she lives in a different state. But I'm sure they can figure it out by her Facebook.

It's just a new way to think about your kid and you will grieve for your lost son and what it means that he is now your daughter. Hang in there, it'll be OK!


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Sarah - posted on 04/01/2016




IMO a counselor who specialize in LGBT teens will be the most helpful. You'd be able to sort out your feelings and your son, as well sort out his own. Does he dress as a girl, have you ever found girl clothing, or makeup in his room? If not, then I wonder if this is new and he is still questioning his identity. If he is trans, he'd be wanting to stop his male puberty, and the only way to do that is thru an endocrinologist that specializes in this topic. You'd need the backing of a psychiatrist to begin. Do you think he really wants to live the rest of his days as a woman?

Jillian - posted on 04/01/2016




I think that you need to let him be who he wants to be , even if your not buying it , if thats how he feels , let it be because if you try to make him think hes not transgender then hes goign to think you do not accept him and it will ruin him and also it will ruin your relationship with him. All he wants is acceptance. Thats all any transgender wants.

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