Is it appropriate for my boyfriend to fly out of the country to his ex's grandfather's funeral?

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Chet - posted on 09/22/2014

2,093

0

587

Sometimes you don't realise how much a person meant to you until they are gone.

Also, the period of time when a person is sick and dying is completely different than a funeral. A period of illness before death can be a fairly private time for a family, and not a time when they are prepared for visitors who aren't very closely connected. On the other hand, a funeral is generally open to a much wider group of people.

There's nothing strange about your boyfriend's feelings or actions. It is reasonable for him to go to the funeral.

In the future, it's good practise to just ask someone if they would like you to go a funeral with them. Some people really appreciate having the company, even if it's someone who didn't know the deceased. But how people cope with death and grieving and showing their respects is very personal, and as much as possible, it's best to give people the space to do what they need to do.

If you have issues with not having met his ex set those aside for now. They should be dealt with them completely separate from this.

I'm sure it will also be really good for the boys to have their father there with them.

This conversation has been closed to further comments

5 Comments

View replies by

~♥Little Miss - posted on 09/22/2014

21,273

9

3058

He will always have ties with this family because he has children with his ex. I obviously don't know how long they were together before you came along, but he wants to go and give his support and pay his respects. If he is going to cheat, he will do it with or without this funeral. You may need to trust him on this. Also a funeral is not a place to bring a date, and that is just what you would be. It is not your place to go, especially if you would not be welcomed. Why would you want to anyway?

Now if you go out of the country with him, and not to the funeral.....I don't know. It is still weird.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 09/22/2014

13,207

21

2014

Perhaps he feels the need to be emotionally supportive for his children. After all, they've just lost their grandfather!

Until you've actually been in a situation where someone who you are close to is terminally ill, you won't understand the emotions, the internal arguments, etc that one goes through.

Perhaps, even though its his 'ex' inlaws, he was emotionally closer to the grandfather than you realize, and it was difficult for him to see the man dying. More people have problems with that than most realize. Now that the man has passed away, perhaps his decision is two fold: to support his children, and to say goodbye.

Either way, it's his decision.

Jodi - posted on 09/22/2014

3,518

36

3906

If you love him and trust him, you need to trust in the fact that he says he feels the need to be at that funeral and it really isn't up to you. If he wants to travel out of the country to do that, and it isn't actually putting your family finances in jeopardy, it is time for you to take a step back.

Ev - posted on 09/21/2014

7,227

7

909

I can not respond to his not visiting this ex's grandparent before death. But I can respond to his going to the funeral no matter where it is. If he had any kind of relationship with this grandfather (you said that the grandpa meant a lot to him), then it should not be a problem for him to go to the funeral. He is not only saying good bye and paying last respects to the grandfather but he is paying respect to the family and if he has a friendly relationship with them still, it is not a problem. I would have gone to my ex father inlaw's funeral a few years back but did not feel comfortable going. There were some and still are issues with the current wife and I felt staying away was for the best. Needless to say, I still have a good re pore with my ex mom inlaw. I do not understand your uneasy feelings on this. This man is also the grandparent of his two boys and maybe he wants to be there for them too. You might want to talk calmly about this and ask why he wants to go. It would be awkward for you to go to having not met the ex and know many of the family members. I do not think this is an unreasonable thing for him to do. It shows his kids support and respect to the family.

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms