Is it appropriate to say Happy Mother's Day to a mom who's only child died?

Aharden02 - posted on 05/12/2012 ( 3 moms have responded )

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My sister's baby died when she was just 21 weeks (still in utero) but my sister still had to give birth naturally. We had a memorial service and her baby was cremated. It was very devastating for all of us, especially my sister.It took her many, many months to get back to her old self. I'm not sure if I would be bringing up a painful memory for her or if she would love to be recognized for Mother's Day just like all other mothers. I want her to be happy on Mother's Day. I don't want to make her sad or depressed.

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Sarah - posted on 05/12/2012

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I don't think there's a way around her not being sad or depressed. I think if you ignore it, it's going to hurt her and make her feel as if her child did not matter, and if you say, "Happy Mother's Day," it's going to downplay her loss. I would simply send her a nice card and some flowers with a note along the lines of "Thinking of you today." If you live in the same town, maybe take her for lunch, just the two of you or go visit the grave together (if there is one). It's going to be a hard day for her because it will remind her of her loss, but she should be recognized and her feelings validated. My condolences to your whole family.

Gina - posted on 05/12/2012

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I think if you write her a personal note where you can count on her being a mother even thou she didn't have the opportunity to have more time whit her baby, still the fact the she was a mother and she should be recognized in mothers day, she maybe will thank you for remember her and supporting her. Give her flowers to bring to the babie's grave. My sister lived the same pain and here we are remember her little baby girl after 30 years, is always good to keep the memory alive. take good care.
Happy Mother's day !!!

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Aharden02 - posted on 05/12/2012

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Thank u so much, ladies. I really appreciate your advice and kind words. Happy Mother's Day to you!

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