is it ik to send my 5 year old to go on field trip with out me?

Margaret - posted on 10/22/2013 ( 10 moms have responded )

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I'm struggling with sending my 5 year old on a school field trip with out me going. His teacher said I need to start giving him independence because he is very attached to me. I told him this idea and he started crying, and said he didn't want to go on the trip. I don't know how to encourage him or if I should to go. I want him to get his independence because he is very attached to me. Anyone can help me please?

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Verlan Fondren - posted on 10/22/2013

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It is all in the way it is presented. He doesn't fully grasp the concept of independence yet. Just tell him in your best chipper cheery voice "Ooooh!! Guess who is going on a field trip?" or Oh WOW! YOU are going to have SOOOO much fun on whatever day it is. It will be okay!! I know that you may be having a much harder time at his going than he is, because that is another milestone. But trust girl... It will be okay! Just send him off to school as though it is a regular day next time. Both of you will be fine!! Good Luck!! V.V.

Samantha - posted on 10/22/2013

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I have to somewhat agree with Sarah, to your son, going on the field trip would just be another day had you not pointed it out. I wont go into the "shoulda, coulda, wouldas", it's not constructive to your situation. However, I do sympathize that it is hard at this age to develop that independence/separation from you for both you and your son. In the end YOU have to be strong. I agree that it should be made to sound exciting to your son. My son is very much the opposite, any chance he gets its "SEE YA MOM!" and he's off like greased lightening! That doesn't mean it hasn't been hard for me to let go. If his clingyness to you is extreme, start small; let him do things on his own or better yet, give him responsibilities. Right now your son feels insecure, he feels like he needs you (and to some extent he does.) and lacks the confidence to do things on his own. Give him decisions: Let him pick his clothes in the morning, let him help pick out dinner, etc. Every success he has will build his confidence and he will be able to start building his independence. I'm not a child psychologist or anything, and I do not know all of your situation, however I would start with these things :)

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He is going to school without you I am sure you are not with him all day. So maybe a field trip would be a special time together. As long as he understands that it is just for the field trip day. Independence on this day is not going to make much difference since it does not happen everyday. Unless you can't go to the trip.

We always chose to go with our kids because first they don't take a bus, one of us has to drive or trust another parent. Second they go far places.

Sarah - posted on 10/22/2013

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Does he not attend school during the day without you? Why did you point out that you would not be going on the field trip? Why was that an option or an option you pointed out to him? If he is going to school during the day without you then make it be just like another day just that he gets to go to such and such place for the day with his teachers and classmates. Then talk about all the neat things he is going to see or do. That way it does not become an issue of if you are there or not. I would agree with the teacher about him needing independence from you...but this is also you needing to make that change also.

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Margaret - posted on 10/25/2013

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Wow.. I can only imagine how nervous you are for tonight. I no I have alot more mile stones to get over, and boy am I already nervous. Lol good luck to you Samantha!

Samantha - posted on 10/25/2013

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Good job, momma! You're totally right, it is much harder for US than it is for THEM! lol! Hang in there and stay strong, the teen years do NOT get easier in this regard (My 13 year old is going to her first dance tonight!)

Margaret - posted on 10/24/2013

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First of all thanks so much for all of your help. I really appreciate all the that was said. To answer some of the questions.. I was asked does he go to school by himself. Yes this is his second year at the school. I do not stay with him all day; however last year when ever there was a feild trip I volunteer to go and help. He knew there was a trip coming up, and knows I always went so this is why I told him this time I was not going. Today was the trip I didn't go, and he was fine in the morning. Im waiting to pick him up soon. I do think it was harder on me. After the first conversation I left it alone then yesterday I brought it, and asked him if he wanted to go. He didn't respond so I left it alone later he mentioned the trip, and I did point out all the exciting things, also explained that I would not send him if I didn't think it was ok. I also told about all the other kids who's parents didn't go he listened, with no response. Well that night he said he wanted to go, so I got all excited for him, and this morning I made it fun, and he was happy. Im proud of him, and myself cause its hard. Im learning he's my only child. Thanks again everybody!

Jodi - posted on 10/22/2013

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The teacher is right. You do need to start giving him independence. The children who don't cope with school are generally the ones who don't have sufficient independence from their primary carers. Your son needs to learn that you can't always be around.

I, too, question whether he attends school without you. If he doesn't, then you need to start to back off, because you are honestly not doing him ANY favours. He is five. he should, by now, be capable of going off for a day with his teacher (responsible adult) and his friends without you.

Mavis - posted on 10/22/2013

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No because he or she don't know much things so if I were you I will being sending him.

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