Is it just me or is he really an a**hole?

Denise - posted on 01/23/2012 ( 62 moms have responded )

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Okay,this is going to be long.I am a bit hesitant to post this because I believe in keeping my issues private but I am going crazy trying to figure this out.Well,I've been married almost 3 yrs and we have 2 kids.I feel like my husband not only has no respect for me but probably bad mouths me to his closest friends when I'm not around.Lately I have a lot of issues with him that really bother me.The last one was me being angry about him making comments in front of me about other women.We had a big fight over this because I told him it was disrespectful to me as his wife.He said that I should be glad he said it in front of me since most guys are sneaking behind their girl's back.I eventually let that one go.Now,I notice that his friends treat me differently.Whenever they come over my husband either picks a fight with me in front of them or makes comments about our latest argument to make me look bad.For instance,the other day,he told a friend that he feels like he has 3 kids because I dont work.Or the worst was when he started yelling at me telling me I'd better clean up or else in front of a friend.Ever since he started doing this some of his friends dont even acknowledge me when they come over.I tried to talk to him about it earlier but he avoided the subject.I asked if he told them anyhting that may make them act differently .He said they can see that I stress him out and understand what its like for a guy so they dont like it.I wonder what they could have possibly seen me do since I dont put our business out there.When I pryed further ,he said he didnt want to talk about it.That proved that he's been talkin shit about me.Although I am telling his faults,I am woman enough to admit that I'm not perfect either.My biggest flaw is finances.I am not good with making decisions about money and have made some mistakes.Other than that,I try my best to be a good wife.I cook although he has food allergies.I clean the house,and I take care of both kids without even asking for help.I have been faithful to him and even wait on him hand and foot if he asks me to.However,he constantly puts me down.He calls me stupid.Tells me I suck at life.That Im garbage.He even asks me if Im a retard.I dont understand why he treats me this way.I know I have a lot of issues but I usually hold them in.He always says that I can talk to him about problems so they wont affect us but when I do he blows up and yells at me.Sometimes he makes me feel so bad about myself that I'd rather if he hit me because at least physical scars heal faster than emotional ones.Am I overreacing or is he really terrible?I dont want to leave him but I need him to know that i cant and wont live like this.

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Michelle - posted on 01/23/2012

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Domestic abuse isn't just limited to being physical. Emotional abuse is very real and can cause a lot of long term damage. He is beating down your self esteem so you won't leave him. In his mind, if you think you are worthless and no one else will want you then you won't leave and he can treat you however he wants.



I have seen one of my best friends go through this and it's horrible. You should go and see a councellor to help you gain back your self esteem. No one deserves to be treated like that by another person at all!!!!!



Your husband should be your partner, not the boss or someone who makes you feel worthless.

Susan - posted on 01/24/2012

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As someone who has been there herself, ask yourself this question: "would you want someone talking to your daughter the way he talks to you?" If your knee jerk answer is "let me kill that idiot who is hurting my baby", then you know what you have to do. You are her mother and deserve as much respect as she does. If you don't show her you deserve better, then she is going to think that is what she deserves too. If you won't do something about it for yourself, do it for your children.

While I never wanted to be divorced, I could not stand the bad-mouthing that escalated to physical violence and then the cheating. Not for me and not for my children. Please contact a domestic violence hotline and ask for help. Just because he isn't hitting you physically, doesn't mean he isn't hitting you. Make sure you get out BEFORE you start to believe him. Also, the answer to why he does that is because he does. It can't be fixed - it is something broken in him - and if you stay, it will be broken in you too.

It is scarey and you don't want this in the worst way. I know I fought it with all my strength. Now, life is still hard but much more peaceful.

There is a good life away from his abuse....

Grace - posted on 01/28/2013

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He's a jerk just like my husband. The only difference is my husband doesn't bring his friend around. He does flirt with the other women and thinks I don't notice, he doesn't drool over all of them, but their are a few that I have noticed he takes a bit longer to be extra friendly too. And now with this facebook deal, I have caught him just staring at some of those ladies pictures. Then he make some dumb excuse, like I don't like this picture of her or she looks funny here. Lame lame lame.... just chose wrong. He rushes to help another woman, but like me today I carried the carrier out of the truck and he walked of, so - i think ok, and put the diaper bag out and toy bag out thinking he would help..... NO, he just turned around and walked off - later told me, (because I said thanks for opening the door) it was my fault that I should have taken a second trip out.... he's lame. i am getting to the point he's more like a room mate and my walls are high. I am a stay at home mom, and have seen him make changes- but.... His thing is, he works so I must keep all the house clean, cook and pick up after him, plus file all his work paperwork also. He says it's enough that "I" meaning he has to be the only one working.... and god forbid I ask him to watch the baby.... OOO- but he will carry the baby and go an extra mile when other people are watching((((soooo fake) sorry.... but i found this site and I GOT to VENT, with NOone talk to but him or baby, it just drives me up the wall..

Rachel - posted on 01/26/2012

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My heart aches for you because you posted the problem, then you defend him. It is hard to imagine a different way of living when you are in the midst. Answer this question: What would your mother say if you told her about how he speaks to you? Would you be ashamed of how you are treated? Would you tell her openly? Could you go to a social group (mom's group, church group, etc) and tell them about how he behaves without fear of seeing the shock on their faces? If you can't tell someone close to you about it, you know that it is wrong in your heart. If HE can't repeat what he says to you to his father, brother, boss, then he knows it is wrong. He wants to demonize you for his shortcomings. He needs counselling, and so do you. I dont say that to be snarky, I just feel that if there is really goodness in him, then he would seek to make the situation better, to make everyone happier.

Elena - posted on 01/27/2012

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I HATE it when men treat stay at home moms with disrespect. What gives them the right to inflict mental abuse on us? Taking care of children is hard work with long hours and low pay - you deserve to be treated with respect. You have to take some action to change the situation because nobody else will. I totally agree with all of the above comments.

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Jode - posted on 10/10/2013

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first time he name calls ( "retard" qualifies)....makes him an a h you are not anything he calls you...listen to the advice on here and stand up tall for yourself :)

Sasha - posted on 08/04/2013

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Laura You Are A Jerk,You Are Heartless. You Seems To Be The Type Who Is FullOf shit

Shawna - posted on 01/24/2013

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No you are not overreacting when a man or husband has repect and true love for their wife they don't bring family matters or personal business with regards to you to their friends especially just to bash on you then bring friends to the house to look at you funny and don't acknowledge you even if you aren't paying the bills that's your house too and no one should be disrespecting you in it who don't live there. You do need to put your foot down because that's why he treats you the way he does because you allow it and most of the time even putting your foot down is not enough to change a man's behavior. If you're not going to leave you might as well put a big sign on your head saying disrespect me. And trust me you do not want to go down the road of domestic abuse you think that emotional crap hurts worse but really it don't compare people have died from domestic abuse not just hurt. Women been shot in their face, set on fire, and some more shit so no boo boo you don't want that. And trust me they all thought it would never go that far. Good luck though.

Susan - posted on 02/04/2012

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Denise -



Hugs --- You need to put some distance between the two of you regardless of what he says. The "classic" abuser is the one that goes through a honeymoon phase where he is kind and gentle and apologizes for what he has said and done and then only ups the ante. He needs therapy and so do you... because now he knows you are on to him and can be "honey-babied" into thinking everything is going to be ok.

This is dangerous. Watch what he does - not what he says he is going to do. I have a police siren going in my head thinking that you need protection. Go to your mom's - find some help - then make your decision. If he has really changed, then it won't make a difference and if he hasn't - then you are further on the path to safety....

This is nothing to fool around with. It generally does NOT get better unless the man WANTS to and even then he may not be able to do so and certainly cannot without serious help. His background as a survivor only supports the profile.

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE take care of yourself and your beautiful child.

Mt132480 - posted on 02/03/2012

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Girl you deserve better than that jerk is treating you .put your foot down and stand up for yourself don't let him bring you down.my ex tried to do the same things to me .I eventually got out of relationship it was the best thing I ever did for myself and kids .in my case he was physical and emotional but you don't deserve any abuse of any form .you should give him an ultimatum and demand the respect you deserve you are worth it .good luck girl

Maxine - posted on 02/02/2012

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that sounds like you have married my ex husband please becareful as the kids pick up on it and as they get older them in turn will do the same to u like my middle child has done its mental abuse he is doing to u please i know how u are feelng and 7 years on i still feel like im useless and all that im snapping about of it slowly but its hard i had 18 years off it

max

Stifler's - posted on 01/29/2012

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I agree with Laura it's very hard for us to read and respond when there are no paragraphs, just a wall of text.

Isobel - posted on 01/29/2012

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OK...I've read it, and your husband sounds a lot like my ex. My guess is that his friends are avoiding you because they don't want to be drawn into the drama between you and him. It didn't end well for me and my ex (obviously...ex) but there can still be hope if you can sit him down and ask him the specific things you are doing that are pissing him off , either you will find that he is being reasonable and that there are certain behaviours that you can change (like buying unnecessary splurges) or that he is being unreasonable and he wants you to change who you are.



either way, you will find out where you stand



my eyes are bleeding

Isobel - posted on 01/29/2012

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a) at least one person agreed with me.

b) when it's impossible to read your post (without my eyes crossing) then it's impossible for me to give you advice.



...and generally speaking, I give pretty good advice. sooooo, perhaps in the future if you wish to optimize your use of com, paragraph breaks help because if you have them...people can read what you post.



Just sayin'

Denise - posted on 01/29/2012

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Really,Laura? Im pouring out my fucking heart reaching out for help from people I don't even know and you're only concerned about my typing skills.I may be in a messed up situation but I can do without the pointless negativity.Do us both a big favor and keep thoughts like that to yourself next time.

And as far as the way I type,maybe its not exactly "correct" but if you were in my shoes it would be the furthest thing from your mind.

Denise - posted on 01/29/2012

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Y'know ladies I've been reading all of your responses to my post and actually agree fully with what you are saying.Yet,even with all that's going on I keep asking myself one question about it all:Does he even realize what he's doing to me and to our family?I wonder this because whenever shit gets ugly he always says that any other guy would leave me for the things I do.He even flips it and says that he knows I would leave him if it were the other way around.I don't know if it's just him playing mind games to justify his actions or what.I definitely agree with what one of you said to me about being ashamed to tell my mother or anyone else about the way he treats me.As a matter of fact,I've been afraid my mom would find out because she raised me better than that.I've never told her about it at all but she actually begged me not to marry him and threatened to not come to our wedding.He never started treating me this way until we had been married about a yr and a half.I really think the saddest part of all this is knowing that I would be apalled to find out someone was treating my daughter this way.I always heard about women in abusive relationships and called them stupid for putting up with it.Now I understand the inner battle they go through in deciding to stay,leave,or demand change.I have been through so much in my lifetime that I actually consider myself lucky to have found someone to marry me and stay with me.Sadly,my self esteem is shot to hell but despite all this I have one thing that I will fight to keep:I am a good person.I do not steal.kill,lie,or cheat and I will do anything to help a deserving person.Lately,I feel so conflicted because in today's society having a good heart is worthless.It's all about how you look,what you have,who you know,and how you manuever in life's situations.I don't even recall why I'm saying all this except maybe just needing to vent but I can't change who I am inside.Everyday I feel like life beats me down and tries to kill my spirit but I am fighting to stay true to myself.I really can't explain why I put up with my husband's bs but I do love him unconditionally.We have been together almost 4 yrs total and are about to have our 3 yr marriage anniversary on Valentines Day.At this point I don't plan to leave him because I want it to work between us.While saying that I also can say I won't put up with disrespect anymore because you have all helped me to realize that I am worth more than that.I hope someday my husband realizes what he really has.In the meantime,I will keep loving him and showing him what love really means.I want to thank you all for hearing my story and offering your wisdom.To anyone in similar situations,my advice is to listen to your instincts.You know what is best for you.Love yourself enough to take care of yourself.I will post updates.

Marie - posted on 01/29/2012

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He's a Jerk, and maybe you should tell him so every now & then so he gets the message!

I try to be a nice person too & think name calling is just the low of all lows, and try my best not to do it, BUT if its going to remind him that how he's acting is not ok, then letting it slip every now & then will not only get your point out there, but it can also make you feel better too!



I love my husband, but as all of them can be, he can be... well, down right rude & disrepectful sometimes, but he usually knows how I feel about it - either I tell him right out, or he gets the message from how I react (or don't react as the case may be!)

If I were you, I'd stop doing everything for him - you work too - looking after the kids, and although that may include 'keeping the house' it doesn't mean you have to run round after him! He has to put in the work to deserve your love & respect too, and it doesn't sound like he is keeping up his end of the deal!

Michelle - posted on 01/26/2012

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We are all human and we learn by making "mistakes" as you put it but also ur partners should love us even with our faults. No one is perfect, lets face it, if we were it would be a pretty boring world. My Hubby does things that annoy me sometimes and I do the same to him but he NEVER says I'm stupid/ugly/useless.

He tells me every day that I'm beautiful, sexy, gorgeous and that he loves me. He treats me like a princess every day and I treat him like my prince.



No one has a right to bully you (yes he's bullying you!). Bully's like to make their victims feel like they are worthless and can never do anything right. DO NOT ever say his bullying is because you did something wrong, there is no excuse for his behaviour.

[deleted account]

just read your other posts. that BS about him asking you if you love him and if you'd leave him for someone without health issues?? that's exactly the sort of thing my mom's ex husband used to say to her, he'd beat her until she was black and blue and then say he was so sorry, he didn't know why he had such a bad temper, he'd change, blah blah blah. five fucking years of him physically and verbally assaulting my mother telling her his anger was her fault and that she was worthless and saying the same things your husband is saying to you during his rages. he doesn't love you, no one who'd call you those names and WORKS at making you feel like crap could possibly know what love is! so get yourself to your mom's! borrow some money from a friend! hell, yoink some from his wallet! just make sure you get away from him because he is no good for you!

[deleted account]

it's one thing to feel like you should work harder for a man who loves you and cares for you and treats you as an equal. it's an entirely different matter to feel that way about a man who verbally abuses you. like i said, you deserve better.

[deleted account]

do you have family who will take you and the kids for a couple days? maybe if you up and disappear on him (leave a note so he knows what's going on) he'll change his tune. make him know that he can't treat you like this. you are equals in this family, and by damn he better treat you like one. if he can't, then he doesn't deserve you and you might as well keep the children since you're the one taking care of them anyway.



what the hell does he do that he has plenty of time to bad-mouth you to his friends? my husband works full time, five nights a week. he certainly doesn't have time to get out and socialize, no more than i do.



and just read a few posts down from the original...good, you should certainly go stay with your mom and let him deal with the house by himself so he'll cool his stupid ass down. you don't deserve him beating you down like that. no one does.

Krista - posted on 01/25/2012

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I guess I keep telling myself that if I can work harder then he wont be so upset with me.



Denise...do you have any idea how many abused women say that EXACT thing? "If I was a better wife/smarter/harder-working/thinner/prettier then he wouldn't get upset and say all of those things."



I want to ask you something: do you regularly hold a gun to his head? Do you tell him that if he doesn't call you "garbage" or a "retard", that you'll blow his head off? Do you force him to say those things?



No?



Then he is CHOOSING to say them. He is a grown man. And as a grown man, he is responsible for his own words and deeds. You are NOT responsible for what comes out of his mouth. He is.



It doesn't matter if you make mistakes. It doesn't matter if you're not perfect. None of us are perfect. We all make mistakes. But unless your mistakes involve murdering people or selling 7-year olds into the sex trade, you are NOT garbage.



I only wish you could see...his actions are NOT your responsibility. Please, I beg of you, do not go down the road of thinking that it is your fault, and that you provoked him into it. He CHOSE to call you those things. And he is choosing to do this to the person he should be cherishing above all others.



I beg and plead to you -- PLEASE call the national domestic violence hotline, at 1-800-799-SAFE and tell them everything. They can help you figure things out.



You do NOT deserve this. I promise you that.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 01/25/2012

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Get counseling, get HIM into counseling, and if he won't, you take your kids and get out of that situation.



Verbal escalates to physical at the drop of a hat. Find the women's shelters in your area, and get prepared, because if he won't go to counseling, you need to leave

Nikkie - posted on 01/25/2012

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My god lady. WAKE UP!!! He is a douche bag!!!! You are supposed to be his partner if life. And he treats you like you are beneath him. That is NOT ok. Take your children and leave him. He doesn't deserve a loving family. He has done nothing to earn that love. If you stay, your children will grow up thinking that it is ok to trear people this way. They will end up in destructive relationships themselves, and so will their children, and so on...

Break the cycle now. I know it's the most frightening thing ever to make such a huge decision like this, but it is defentaly worth it. If you can, get some support from family or friends. Stay with them when you leave, so they can help you through these tough times and give you a different perspective on things. I really hope for yours and your childrens sake that you make the decision to leave this man. I mean really, just listen to youself: "Sometimes he makes me feel so bad about myself that I'd rather if he hit me because at least physical scars heal faster than emotional ones". Does that sound like something a happy (or sane) person would say? Leave now. Do it for your children if you won't do it for yourself.

Dawn - posted on 01/25/2012

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Wow! What you said hits home with me! My husband is also verbally abusive at times and when I call him on it, "I am the problem" . I do not profess to be perfect either, but I do the best I can. I would recommend a therapist to help you gain back your self esteem and help you realize the wonderful woman and mother you are. Also some marriage counseling may benefit as well. If he isn't willing to participate then you have your answer and need to move on. God bless! Dawn

Denise - posted on 01/25/2012

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I agree with what most of you are saying.I agree that his behavior is abusive and unacceptable.However,he wasnt always like this with me.He is actually a very kind person who treats me better than any guy has in a long time.I am a bit torn about what to do because he makes me feel like it was my fault.We always have this happen after I make mistakes.I come from a very sheltered upbringing.I moved from my mom's house to my bf's house(my husband now) so I never had time to find myself.I have never been on my own besides living in a college dorm.I believe that if I had the chance to figure out how to take care of myself through trial and error then I would be a better wife and mom.The arguments usually start with financial mistakes on my part .I guess I keep telling myself that if I can work harder then he wont be so upset with me.I also wish I would've figured things out before having kids because now each mistake affects them too.In some way I feel like he is a product of his environment and just needs extra affection.I never wanted to be that stupid woman who sticks with the abusive guy but I think its more complicated than stay or leave.I know that he will do it again the next time he's angry but I have to believe that I can change things.I still cant go to my mom's yet because I dont have the money for gas.Honestly I feel really torn about the whole thing.Sometimes he is so sweet and pitiful.He often asks me if I would rather be with someone else who doesnt have health issues or a bad temper.He asks me if I really do love him.I usually answer that I would not be with him if I didnt love him.I have never told him that I consider leaving him on a regular basis.I really think he would be shocked and pissed off because he doesnt think he can do anything dfferently.I am staying put for now but will definitely start speaking up more.I will keep you all posted.Again,thank you so much for helping.Its nice to know Im not alone.

[deleted account]

I haven't read all the replies to this post. But you are not over reacting. He is being very terrible with you. This is ABUSE. You deserve better than that, and your kids don't need to witness this. If it persists then as much as you want to stay, I would seriously consider leaving and filing for divorce on grounds of cruelty! Humiliating you in front of his friends... yeah like he's some kind of big man now..... I don;t know you and its making ME angry hearing this!!!!

Sally - posted on 01/25/2012

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Im pleased to hear that you managed to voice your feelings and he was willing to listen but make him see that he has to do he has said he would. Also make him very aware that if this abuse happens again you are leaving. If it does and i fear it will please make sure youdo,if not for your sake for your children. Mine were very scarred from what happened and it took me a long time ti get it through my sons head( 15/23) rhat it was not ok to speak to me like a piece of dirt or anyone else for that matter. Remember they are learning lessons. I wish you well. Good luck.

Krista - posted on 01/25/2012

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I echo some of the other girls. He's apologized, but what about the next time he gets stressed out? I think most of us here have had husbands who have been VERY stressed out at times, but who have never spoken to us like that.



You're being awfully quick to forgive and forget...my advice, for what it's worth, would be to insist that the two of you go to marriage counseling, to make sure that this does NOT happen again. He owes you that much, after putting you through hell like that.

Jane - posted on 01/24/2012

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Yes, he is an asshole. He is being emotionally abusive. If I were you I would make plans to leave him before his behavior affects the kids.

Tracie - posted on 01/24/2012

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The behavior you are describing is reprehensible. You DO work - for "the family business." Just because you don't get paid in dollars doesn't mean your job isn't every bit as valuable to the family as his. You two need counseling stat. Do not put up with this nonsense even one more day. You deserve to be treated with respect. Best of luck to you.

Bonna - posted on 01/24/2012

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Plan something to do as a family, like going to movies or going to the park together. If he didn't want to be part of the family, then you can't waste your life trying. Get the hell away from him before your children think it's ok to treat women like he does...especially if you have girls. Being a single mom is not easy, but you will be happier keeping your self respect.

Dawn - posted on 01/24/2012

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You sound to me to be a very nice, giving person with a big heart. You deserve to be treated better and loved for who you are.

What he is doing is abuse in the worst way, emotionally and verbally. I have had both the physical and verbally/emotionally growing up which took its toll on me so have an idea of how you are feeling.

You mentioned you really don't want to leave but sounds like to me that even if he agrees to counseling he will not show anyway. He thinks there is nothing wrong with what he is doing.

You, my dear, need to leave this butt hole and fast. As stated in other posts, do you really want your kids to grow up thinking this is the way a woman and marriage should be? Also, this may be stressing your kids to and creating a hole other issue with them. So, not only get yourself into counseling but the kids too.

As for his friends and the difference in the way they treat you. Don't really pay attention to them. They probably still like you but do not know how to handle the issue and don't want to be put in the middle of all of this so they have backed off from you. Remember they are his friends and will stick with him. Start finding friends of your own that you can count on and support you through these hard times, even if it is a support group. Believe me, once you take issues into your own hands by making the first steps to healing yourself the world will start to look brighter and you and the kids will be much happier.



May God help you through this time of need and give you the strength to do what is best for you and your children.

God Bless your sweetheart-ed sole.

Sandy - posted on 01/24/2012

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What you describe is emotional abuse. Abuse in any form for any length of time is unhealthy, to put it politely. It's up to you to decide how much abuse you are willing to take. How much abuse are you willing to let your children take or see?

Cindy - posted on 01/24/2012

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unfortunately, nothing you say to him or do will stop his behaviour. He's abusive and as long as you allow him to treat you like this, he will continue. You don't need him, you may need his support but you don't need him. I've been there, without kids thank god!! It wasn't easy to leave but I did and it took years to repair the damage he did to me mentally and emotionally. You acknowledge he is abusing you!! There are hundreds of agencies that can help you leave. Your children will grow up to repeat these cycles. The life you live now ... is this the life you want your children to live when they are adults? You are the guide for your children, they need to know that this treatment, either you accepting it or your husband dishing it out, IS UNACCEPTABLE! You are the only one who can show that to your kids. You need to be a mother and step up to take care of your kids. I hope you think of your children when you make your choices, as that is what they are. Stay or leave - it's your choice.

Jodie - posted on 01/24/2012

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Has he EVER respected you? If yes, there may be some hope, if no, leave. When I was pregnant with our little boy, I told my husband I would not work full time as I believed my children needed a parent at home most of the time, being a mum is a FULL time job, don't let him think otherwise! He has made you lose your confidence :( I think you know deep down if you can save your marriage :) good luck

[deleted account]

my husband is like this too. i'm not sure how to help you, but you are not alone, feel free to pm me if you wanna talk about it more, or just need to vent.

Rachel - posted on 01/24/2012

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I am glad that he has admitted that he was wrong, but the stress is not going away for him, nor is it justification for speaking to you the way he does. I fear that the pattern is going to continue, so I still think you should go to your mother's house and let him have some distance to figure out that you are the center of the family and when he hurts you, he hurts the kids. You should never seek to keep pleasing a belittling abuser. Keep giving him the feedback that his behavior is hurtful and he will not get nuturing from you when he acts like that. Move out, get family counselling, and make a plan from there.

Sandi - posted on 01/24/2012

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That is a normal response to an abusive relationship. He will most likely be better for the next few weeks, and then go back to the way things were.... PLEASE be careful for you and for your kids

Sandi - posted on 01/24/2012

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My advise is to leave. He should not be treating you like that. And from my expierences, he will eventually move the behavior towards the kids.

I tell everyone the same thing in this situation. Its not about you anymore. Its about the health, well being and safety of your children. Do you want them to grow up thinking that it is ok for them to be treated or act that way?

Eva - posted on 01/24/2012

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He is emotionally abusive and usually leads to physical abusive after he has broken your spirit real marriage is equal partners when you stay home and watch the children it is work and harder than a 9-5 at least when you get off from work your day is done I would talk to someone make sure your financially sound and then split

Denise - posted on 01/24/2012

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Thank you ,ladies for all your words of encouragement and advice.After posting my msg last night I called and told my mom we were coming soon.I usually dont resort to being petty to make a point but I was cold with my husband when he spoke to me to be sure he knew I was not pleased with him.I was so uncomfortable being around him that I slept on the couch instead of sleeping next to him.Luckily,around 5 this morning ,he woke up and asked me what was wrong and he sat and listened to me telling him how he makes me feel.He actually told me that I was right about everything.He admitted to being cruel to me and talking to his friends about me.He promised to do better and set his friends straight.He said I deserve to be treated with respect and he doesnt want us to be apart.I know that he is a good man because we usually do discuss our problems and resolve issues.Lately things were worse because he's been under a lot of stress.Although its no excuse for unruly behavior,he grew up with emotional and physical abuse.I know that he is worth my time because he overcame those obstacles.We are both survivors.He has severe allergies and a rare blood disorder that drs gave up on years ago and I am a childhood cancer survivor.I believe thats what brought us together.We are both fighters.He is the loud,life of the party type and Im the quiet homebody with her heart on her sleeve.This is what keeps us together.Opposites really do attract.Although we worked things out,I plan to show him from now on that I will not tolerate disrespect of any form.Thanks again ladies.Its nice to know someone out there understands and wont judge me.

Erica - posted on 01/24/2012

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I thought about this and there are several things that you should do. The first thing, pack a bag for you and the kids and remove yourself from the situation first. If you have tried to talk to him and it doesn't change...you need a scenery change. Go to a place where you are supported. Everything he is doing is a form of abuse. If you don't correct this, it will or can get passed down to your children.

You work...you are a mother! That in itself is work. Young children require a lot of your time and energy. Heck, teens do too. My second suggestion would be that you seek counseling for yourself. Ask him to go as well. IF he refuses CONTINUE for yourself and your children!

Third, you are NOT deserving of abuse... no matter what type it is! Not that it matters, but his friends may be uncomfortable about the situation and depending on their upbringing it may not phase them or it could just make them incredibly uncomfortable...but forget them, they aren't your priority! Get yourself a support group and counselor. I pray it all works out and that things get better!

Jennifer - posted on 01/24/2012

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I agree with Susan. It was what I was going to post, and my advice to any woman who *thinks* they are being mistreated. If he did that to one of yours kids, what would your reaction be? Remember, not only is he doing this to you, but you are teaching your kids it is OK to be treated this way, and, even scarier, that it is OK to treat you and their future spouses/kids this way......

Bri - posted on 01/24/2012

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This is emotional abuse, enough that i would take the kids and leave, go to a family members house, or friend and seek employment, you dont deserve this at all by all means. I hope you have enough confidence to leave! This is how it turns out to be abusive, your down the road from him possible hitting you. I surely hope you can leave safely!

Faith - posted on 01/24/2012

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I hate to be so blunt about this but men r like children , they will only treat u the way u allow them to treat u , I have been through this and I know how u feel , I would have rather my ex punched me in the face than talk to me the way he did. I still carry the emotional scars but I decided that I was not going to be a victim anymore , we choose how people treat us and I don't know u but I can see that u r a survivor , u know the way he is treating u is not right and u have reached out , that is a Huge step. We don't know what we had until it is gone and it may take u separating from him for him to realize that u r not going to take this anymore , u r a Strong , Confident woman and that is what your children need to remember about this situation. U r in my prayers and please let us know how u r doing.

Sally - posted on 01/24/2012

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sorry that sounded very sharp but been there and put up until i felt worthless and scared. If you can sort it great if not leave. Iwas abused as a child and though my husband never hit me he used to use everything ro belittle me including ,i don't know how yourfather shag youyour so stupid and ugly. It didn't start that bad but progress. I rhink,know he got a kick watching me. So im not saying leave but deal with it, sorry just makes me angry cos this is a hidden side to abuse. There is no bruises or broken bones.

Sally - posted on 01/24/2012

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This man is mental abusing you and your allowing it. I waot on him hand and foot. Is he retard . Stand up for yourself. X

Jhane - posted on 01/24/2012

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Whatever decisions u make, take ur children with you. u dont deserve to be treated that way. Pray hard Denise! God wont forsake u. He knows what to do! God bless u dear. :)

Samantha - posted on 01/24/2012

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You have much more patience than I do. I come from of group of very strong women and when I see and hear this kind of crap I want to step in. There is no man that is worth your self esteem. Be proud of yourself and who you are. Do not let him talk down to you. If he thinks he is so much better tell him to get out and go find it but that you will not be disrespected anymore. Stand up for yourself and your children. As your kids grow and they see this behavior they are going to assume that it is okay to treat others that way and it's not. Look in the mirror and find the strength to do what is the best for you and your children. I'm not trying to sound like complete "girl pwer" but you have to find it in yourself and believe that you are better than that.

Shauna/Tim - posted on 01/24/2012

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Amen to Chrystal's remarks! Mental abuse is the hardest to overcome and will hurt you for years to come. Listen to their advise. Go to counseling and insist on marriage counseling before you commit to putting yourself back in the situation of going back home. If he truly loves you he will do it and if he won't then you have your answer. Leave! It's hard to be a single mom, but not as hard as what you are living with now.



Go to your mom's!

Teresa - posted on 01/24/2012

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Run. Don't walk. Been there. You are the only one tha can make the change. Believe in yourself.

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