Is it normal for a man talk to his mother so much?

Charlotte - posted on 06/14/2011 ( 10 moms have responded )

359

43

35

Since w moved to the same town as my in-laws about 18 months ago my man who is 32 goes round to his parents' house 4 OR MORE times in the week plus once or twice at the weekend for AT LEAST an hour and a half each time.On average he spends at least 9 hours a week round at their place. He usually goes there with our son leaving me completely alone or with my twin daughters. He also calls his mum several times a week and the calls last for a out an hour each time. I have to say it really bothers me a lot. He spends more time with his mother than with me these days. I have told him but he just says I'm jealous cos my parents live in another country. I feel don't feel like we form a family since we moved here. Is it normal? Or am I just acting jealous?

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Charlotte - posted on 06/21/2011

359

43

35

Thanks Victoria! Good to know I'm not the only one who thinks that way!

Victoria - posted on 06/20/2011

121

3

17

I'm surprised by all of the responses on this thread. I think that it is horrible that he spends so much time with his parents! His first priority should be you and the kids, period. You need to work on being a family unit, and with him always over there, how are you supposed to do this? My sister's marriage was ruined because of her mother in law, and the fact that the hubby always took his mom's side. I would lose it if my hubby were like that. I mean, at least he doesn't insist that you go with him, you should be a little grateful of that, but still! And the fact that you have already voiced your concerns to him and he pretty much shrugged them off! You are not in the wrong for being upset.

Jean - posted on 08/03/2012

1

0

0

Girl i feel the same way as you although I know im NOT jealous.My fiances parents died both of cancer leaving him with his brother of 24 years of age who has a way better paying job than my fiance.I just got into it with him because every day after work he goes to his grandmothers house to eat and stays there at least 4 hours!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!It pisses the hell out of me because hes clocking out of work and his grandmother is already calling his phone.If he doesnt go visit her she gets ticked off.His answer is "you have me all day and night."I personally dont mind if he sees his grandparents everyday but i think half an hour to an hour is fine.If she tells him jump hell ask how high i called him a mommas boy today because he just pissed me off so bad!Thank God this happened now and not later and if he doesnt change hes going to end up alone.Im his woman hes a grown man he needs to cut the imbilical cord and stop with the brest feeding already.Im not jelous because the love i give him as a woman is not the same one his gma gives him so theres no competition there all i demand is our space.She constantly blowing up his phone and then he sais things like this is the only family that i have and family comes first!And im like,RIGHT!and when we get married IM going to be your family.@Charlotte i think that time he spends talking with his mom is exagerating especially when hes with you he can call his mom but when hes not around you.So she wont also take up your time.Weekend time should always be the couples.Since me and him work all week im super strict with him on that.They were selling a house on his grandmas street and he wanted to buy it i told him ARE YOU INSANE!!!!!!!!!!!!!I want to be the farthest possible.What do you guys think i should do?One thing i know is i will never put up with this for the rest of my life!

Charlotte - posted on 06/15/2011

359

43

35

The biggest issue/ problem with our relationship is the over-presence of his parents. It's tearing our family and our couple apart. I can't help thinking it's not normal for an adult to spend more time with their parents than with their partner. I also think what he's doing, taking our son with him all the time, accentuates the difference between the kids. My man often speaks badly of me and my daughters to his parents, who have never liked me anyway so we hardly ever go round to his parents' house all together and they never come to ours. I have tried for almost 5 years to meke his parents like me but in vain. They even call my parents to complain about me when me and my man have a row! I am not asking my man to choose between me and them, I would never do such a thing. If anyone is puting him in such a position, it's them. I'm not asking him to "abandon" his parents, just not to "abandon" me and my daughters buy going round there less. Is that really too much to ask for?

Candi - posted on 06/14/2011

1,068

13

94

Its normal. If he is from a close family, then you can't expect him to never speak to them or visit. Why don't you go with him? It might do you some good to get more adult conversation and let the kids play.

This conversation has been closed to further comments

10 Comments

View replies by

Sarah - posted on 06/20/2011

145

23

4

Ok well in that case, he IS in the wrong... not because he is close to his family but because he is not spending at least an equal amount of time with you. And it is very very wrong for a man or woman to complain to their families about their significant other... it just ruins their relationships, because they keep the bad impression in their minds long after you and your hubby forgive and forget. Sorry but I dont know how to help you. Did you ever read any books by Laura Shlessinger? She's good

Amanda - posted on 06/14/2011

36

7

1

Hm. Sorry to hear that! It sounds like there are deeper issues than your guy spending to much time with his parents. :-/ I hope you find a solution that works for everyone. (goodness knows I'm not about to give advice! lol)

Charlotte - posted on 06/14/2011

359

43

35

Thanks for your comments ladies! I'd just like to add that his parents don't like me or my twin daughters much and my man spends more quality time with his parents than with me. As for my parent's I call them every day whilst my man's at work but visits are almost impossible due to lack of time and money. And as for my man knowing how to take care of his family, he doesn't do much around the house and we never spend any quality time just the 2 of us as he's always too tired because of work and sport!

Sarah - posted on 06/14/2011

145

23

4

A man who is close with his family is usually a man who knows how to take care of his own family. If he is good and close with his mom most likely he will be respectful and good with women. You shouldn't be jealous of your husband spending time with them. its his duty. When your children are grown, you wouldn't want to be abandoned by your children. Think of it that way! And think that 4-6 hours a week spent with them is nothing compared to the amount of time he spends LIVING with you. If you SHOW your jealousy it may make him withdraw from you emotionally and spend even more time over there. You should instead PRAISE him for being such an attentive son.... when you know its his normal time to visit them, remind him as if its YOUR idea, "hey sweety, isn't it time for you to visit your mom? tell her I said hi!"
When he sees you are so supportive of him being close with his family, he will most likely feel closer to you and will try to involve you in his outings and spend more time with you. You can give him a hint by saying something like, "Honey are you going to visit your mom now? Have fun! I'll be waiting up with romantic dinner and a movie!"
No man (or woman) should be put in the position of having to choose between their partner or their parents.... because in that case I think the right thing to do in MOST cases would be to choose your parents, with VERY few exceptions.
Besides, as long as his parents are not controlling YOUR life and your family, and overstepping your rules and boundries on a continual basis, you have nothing to be jealous about.
If you miss your family, call them more often and schedule regular visits! But don't take it out on your man.

Amanda - posted on 06/14/2011

36

7

1

It's normal for him! He likes spending time with his parents and that's cool as long as everyone is happy. If you are feeling neglected try to let him know that you'd like to spend more time with him. Hopefully he'll understand and not accuse you of being jealous. :)

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms