Is it normal for my 12-year old daughter wanting to have sex

User - posted on 03/23/2014 ( 35 moms have responded )

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My twelve year old daughter is wanting to have sex! Is this normal at all? When I was a kid I did not want to neither did my sisters! I was wondering if it was normal? She wants to sneak out at night with boys or try to have sex or kissing or just plain making out! I do not know what to do or if this is normal at this age? I was wondering if I could get some help

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Michelle - posted on 03/24/2014

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I just asked my 12yo son if he's wanting to have sex with his girlfriend and he gave me a very disgusted look and emphatically said no!
I have a very open relationship with my kids and I know he would discuss it with me but at 12 he has other things to think about. Yes he has a girlfriend but they only see each other at school and haven't gone on a "date" either.
I would be worried about a 12yo wanting sex, maybe her friends are saying they are doing it (even of they aren't) and she feels left out. Maybe she just wants to be "cool" and do what everyone else says they are doing. In reality, if her peers are saying they are then they probably aren't.
I would be talking to her and asking what she thinks it means to be in a committed sexual relationship and if she really wants the "slut" label just because she thinks she wants sex.

Judy - posted on 03/23/2014

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I wonder if she has been violated? Have you taken her to see a doctor?

Jodi - posted on 03/27/2014

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Well, Tammy, I don't know where you live and teach, but actually, statistics show that young people are not having sex at a greater rate, nor younger on average, than they did 20 years ago. Having sex as a 12 year old is not common. Having sex as a teen has been common for years.

Jodi - posted on 03/23/2014

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Have you actually talked to your daughter about this?

Raye - posted on 01/26/2015

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Hpcheerleader099, it's normal to explore your body but it is not normal for girls your age to have sex. There are many risks involved including pregnancy, diseases, emotional trouble, etc. Don't be in any hurry to have sex. It doesn't feel that good until you're older, anyway.

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Custhms - posted on 10/23/2016

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I realize I am replying way late to this post (maybe circle should delete aging posts), but it needs coherent address.

12 year old girls are neither as innocent nor ignorant as they were in years past. Electronic innovation as well as societal empowerment have accelerated young peoples' mental development beyond what parents consider normal.

I am more likely to think female sexual desire is both normal and prevalent than males at that age, and have borne personal witness to it, so don't try to compare the two.

That this youngster has confided in you is admirable. Don't miss the opportunity to communicate with her just because you find the idea offensive on the basis of your upbringing.

Tammy Janse Van - posted on 03/27/2014

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my name is tammy. im a teacher at a high school. unfotunatly having sex at a young age has become common. 12 seems a bit young but not unheard of. i suggest that you take her to a therapist she might be confusing sex for intimacey. it could be a peer pressure thing. she needs someone to guide her and to figure out her motives. it could be her way of trying to fit in. at this age they are so confused. if you know this is what she is doing i would suggest measures to keep her from sneaking out. if you find the boys names perhaps persue statatory rape charges. take cell and internet away and explain its because sex at 12 is not acceptable behaviour and you are trying to save her from making a grave mistake. tough love is neccissary. might i suggest trying to find those teen moms and people with aids to give her a clear indication of what you fear. hang in there. this must be so scary for you.

Jackie - posted on 03/25/2014

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Well I think you have to use your power as her parent transfer her to a better school away from those bad influence bunch of wannabees, I am referring to her friends. If you have to scold her then do it if it is the only way to make her understand and discipline her. Sometimes we have to e stiff with our kids. It is never normal for a twelve year old to want sex never pursue her to do that even to feel a little orgasm it would give her the urge to try it out.

User - posted on 03/24/2014

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I talked to my daughters teacher today and actually found a lot out! She is hanging around these " cool " popular" kids and was feeling left out of the kids talking about sex and things, so when Haley (my daughter) got home I asked her what did she think of sex? Her respond to me I think it is cool and I want a baby! I was like I do not think so. I told her she needs new friends! Teacher and I had a long talk and things and then talked to Haley! Now Haley understands about the whole sex thing, but she is still not wanting to listen to me I guess one thing is better now onto the not listening to me and her dad. I am just her step-mom not her actual mom. She is only wanting to listen to Nana and she can not just do that because she is an hour away and she does need to learn to listen to her parents or aka me as being step-mother but now onto the next step

~♥Little Miss - posted on 03/24/2014

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I have to say that all the 12 yr olds that I remember growing up that were having sex, also had major emotional instability. Whether it be an abusive home, emotionally or physically, or them being neglected and seeking love. Also, trauma such as molestation. I personally would seek a PROFESSIONAL therapist and get to the bottom of this situation. Your daughter probably has already reached puberty, so if she seeks sex and does not use protection, you have yourself a new grand baby to take care of. Right now, it is important to teach her about sex, her body, love, and especially masturbation. Get on it mom. Don't let your daughter become a statistic.

Rebecca - posted on 03/24/2014

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Not looking for an argument but I have seen your posts to other people and u are not a supportive person to women. We both have our opinions yes but SOME 12 year olds probably so and some don't so that's probably how we should look at it it's not completely alien that 12 year olds want sex. We probably love in different counties and everything is different too. Don't want an argument so sorry of it seems that way

Jodi - posted on 03/24/2014

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No, I didn't say I was right. The OP has asked a question and I have given her information based on my opinion and experience AND some information based on fact. She can choose to take it or leave it. It's her child. I have merely given advice based on what I would do if it were my 12 year old. I don't know this particular 12 year old, so I am giving my best advice based on the information we have been given.

Clearly you haven't actually researched this issue. It isn't a different generation. Please have a look at the following link. There are many more links that will show the same information. The age of first sexual experience is actually in decline. This isn't about who is wrong or right, this is about helping the OP. And her child's feelings are something that needs to be addressed professionally if her mother is having no success.
http://www.newstrategist.com/store/files...

Personally, I think you are just after an argument. I have never said your opinion is invalid. I don't agree with you, but that is actually allowed here. At least I have backed up why I don't agree with you.

Rebecca - posted on 03/24/2014

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I just think u think your opinion is right no matter what. I don't disagree that it's strange but as I said we live in a whole different generation now. Sneaking out isn't right and in my first comment I wrote about that but I just think counselling is extreme, kids need discipline but at the same time they are there own person and parents or anyone cannot warp a child's mind. If she is wanting to have sex for a reason which is not right then seek a doctors help but until then her mother can only do her best to find out why she is having these thoughts if your a mother yourself like I am I'm sure you understand her doing her best but clearly we all have different ways of bringing our kids up.

And u say 'normal behaviour' what is normal in this day and age?

Jodi - posted on 03/24/2014

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Kids are no different than they always were. If you look at the statistics (I am not going to find them now, but they are out there because I have looked at them recently - the studies are also out there) the age at which kids first have sex is actually not that much different than they were when I was a teen (over 25 years ago).

The reason you read about 12 year olds being pregnant is because it is an extreme. It isn't in any way usual and isn't in any way "the norm".

Also, you would be surprised at what teachers know about their students. Often we know more than their own parents do.

I am not trying to be critical, I am simply saying that this 12 year old wanting to sneak out at night and try to have sex with boys is incredibly concerning and not normal behaviour, especially given the mother has already had discussions with her. It needs to be attended to. If the parent can't deal with it, then some counselling may help. I was simply giving some practical advice to the OP.

Rebecca - posted on 03/24/2014

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So being a teacher to children means u know there not having sex? Counselling because they want sex? We live in a whole different century now and kids are so different. A few 12 year olds I have even read to be pregnant. I'm not saying it's right to have sex at 12 but in my opinion counselling is way beyond the joke.
At 12 the last thing I thought about was sex I'm sure but roll on years later and here we are in the different world we're sex is publicised to be fun and how we should look, social media etc. so really we have no idea what goes on in children's/teenagers head these days

Jodi - posted on 03/23/2014

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I'm a high school teacher and I teach a LOT of 12 year olds (that's in addition to having had 12 year olds of my own over the years). I'm just saying, very few 12 year olds are out there having sex or wanting to have sex. If a 12 year old girl is telling her mother she wants to have sex, even after all the discussions they are having, then that is extremely concerning. I'd consider counselling.

Rebecca - posted on 03/23/2014

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Could be peer pressure yes your right but u probably don't know the facts and figures unless of course u do be sure to share it

Jodi - posted on 03/23/2014

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*sigh*

I never said they don't have sex, but generally it will be because of some level of pressure, not because they necessarily "want" to have sex. In addition, very few children that age are actually having sex. It is an absolute minority.

Rebecca - posted on 03/23/2014

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Jodi u don't know if 12 year old boys don't have sex and even girls. I'm sure there is plenty that have

Jodi - posted on 03/23/2014

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To the poster who said it is normal for boys, it actually isn't normal for boys to want to actually have sex at that age. They think about sex, and they talk about sex, but they don't actually want to HAVE sex yet.

Rebecca - posted on 03/23/2014

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It's not about it being normal. It is young but each individual grows and thinks differently. Although she is your daughter and u don't want to see any harm to her or become pregnant but if it was my daughter I would sit down with her and tell her the ins and outs of sex (whatever that may be) explain I thought she is too young but however if she is wanting to take precautions but also that if she is just wanting sex it will be a regret she will later have in life in my opinion. And having sex should be with someone u feel a connection with and like or love. Not just to be used or use someone. So I think it's not just a case of if it is normal or not I just think each human being thinks differently and has different views in life! She is extremely young and it could be just the start of her puberty and her hormones for her process in becoming a woman.
I wish u the best of luck! Xx

User - posted on 03/23/2014

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Yes I have! I have talked to her about this and she told me she did not care what I said and she wanted to have sex!

User - posted on 03/23/2014

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My parents have both told me she is to old to be whipped but i do not think so but if I do whip her she whines to them and they come griping at me

User - posted on 03/23/2014

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I have gave her as much discipline as I can, the only thing I did not take away was her going to her grandparents

User - posted on 03/23/2014

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NO I am not 12, my daughters friends are wanting to do it too, so this is true! Not all 12 year olds are but some do!

Jodi - posted on 03/23/2014

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No, so many 12 year olds these days are NOT wanting to. What are you, 12?

User - posted on 03/23/2014

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She only acts this way with me not anywhere else. The sneaking out and all this other things she does she will not do it at anyone elses house she only does it around me!

User - posted on 03/23/2014

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She does get discipline but I do not think she gets enough! She is a complete brat and she has been raised better

User - posted on 03/23/2014

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Actually I do know, but so many young aged girls these days are wanting to! She went from acting up non stop to this! I have to watch every night if she is sneaking out or not. I do not know why she is wanting to do this and she did not tell me this she was at her Nana's house and told her she wanted to have sex

Jodi - posted on 03/23/2014

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And reading through some of your other posts, your child is a brat. She needs discipline.

Jodi - posted on 03/23/2014

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This can NOT be a real question because this is not normal 12 year old behaviour. I also don't know a single 12 year old that would even disclose this information to their parent if they did think this way. How can a parent not know if this is normal or not????

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