Is it normal to not have much of a sex drive after a year of having my baby?

Tabitha - posted on 03/13/2010 ( 14 moms have responded )




i feel bad sometimes because i know my husbands sex drive is way up and mines it that i dont want to sleep with just him or have sex at all im so confused i love him and i dont want it to be that i just dont want him anymore will it ever go away?


Casey - posted on 03/13/2010




yeah I know the feeling and I can say that it does start to get better after a while but there is things you need to do to help it get better. start doing things for you like get you hair done, paint your nails, buy a new top, wear makeup occasionally do anything that is going to make you feel feminine again, cause I know that from experience you can often be so absorbed in raising your child that you forget about yourself and when your self esteem is low so is your sex drive. Also try and spend some romantic time alone with your husband try going out for dinner together, seeing a movie together, going for a drive somewhere together, having a romantic picnic alone in the backyard together anything that is going to get the 2 of you together and alone and talking to each other. Also try thinking about what it really is that turns you on (seriously don't laugh, lol) everyone has a fantasy and maybe you need to think about yours and find out what your partners is too and consider acting them out, maybe even check out your local sex shop to get some fun new ideas. I know how hard it is I often don't feel like sex anymore and I find now that I have to work harder and put more effort into my whole relationship to get it to work, sometimes it is easier to fall into a rut and just stay there but if you really want it to work then you both need to put in the hard yards, that includes him too, you need to tell him what does it for you too, goodluck.


View replies by

Tabitha - posted on 03/14/2010




thanks everyone for the helpful words ill try your suggestions and i know mostly its because i just need to get out sometimes and do things for myself i feel unhappy cause im the stay at home mom while he works and am stuck at home all day especially in the gross cold weather i cant really take him out and play hes 15 months now but gets cold easily he hates outside right now so im stuck in and on his days off i feel bad if i just want to leave for a whole day and get out???

Erica - posted on 03/13/2010




I felt the same way. I think it is completely normal although I analysed it for a long while torturing myself that maybe I didnt love my husband anymore. But the reality is having a child not only takes its toll on you physically but mentally and emotionally too. Most nights I just wanted to relax put my feet up and go to bed with hot choc. I didnt have the time or the energy to be intimate with my husband. I rently lost a child 3 months ago and Im back to that position now. But I think if you can make time for each other even if its only to go the cinema or a coffee somewhere things will get back to normal. Just dont put too much pressure on yourself because this will make it harder for you.

And Im sure your partner/husband will understand if you just tell him how you feel.

Dawn - posted on 03/13/2010




i think when you have a baby your priorites change and the men just have to deal with it if you dnt want to so wot you have been looking after kids all day and trying to keep a house or in sum cases working you cant be all of the things all of the time do wot suits you when your not too tired and if he wants it tell him he will have to look after the kids and give you a break.

Euricka - posted on 03/13/2010




and i thought i was craze for feeling this way. i have 2 girls and they are only 12 months appart i got my sex life kind of on track untill i got pregnant again. during the pregnancy i was like a bunny but since he was born i dont even want to hear that word... Is it normal i have tried toys,stimulants,romance nothing seems 2 work....

Melissa - posted on 03/13/2010




It really varries between woman, but this is a common thing! Nothing to worrie about. It Will come back, give yer body a chance to heal and get back into balance!! ( it will be even better then ) LOL!

Meghan - posted on 03/13/2010




Totally normal-even though my ex tried to tell me it wasn't! You have the hardest job in the world now and let's face it, you proabably don't feel too sexy when you have spit up in your hair and haven't had a proper shower in 2 days! Try making a date nite where someone can watch the little one even for a few hours, have a romantic dinner and see where it takes you :)

Kathy - posted on 03/13/2010




This is so normal and it doesn't even have to do with having a baby. You will go through phases where you want sex all the time and then times when you don't want it all. It is called being a woman. Your husband will always want sex all the time. He is a man. LOL He just needs to understand that you love him and be patient, your sex drive will return and sometimes will go into overdrive. By the way-thirties are a great time for sex drives for women :)

[deleted account]

Oh boy, do I relate! I felt like that for 6 years, and it was very, very depressing. It finally came back to me, at the same time I started doing yoga. May sound esoteric and new agey, but I am totally convinced it was not a coincidence. It was like something had been blocked or dislodged and yoga just released it. Please try it!

Jess - posted on 03/13/2010




I agree with Casey! It definately is hard with a baby because they take up so much of your time that you don't have time for yourself, and definately don't have time to even think about sex! So make sure you take time for yourself. But also make sure you take time for your husband too. If you don't work on things and try to change it you will get stuck in a rut, and most likely your sex drive will end up not coming back. So talk to your husband about how you are feeling, and make plans on how you can try to fix things. Because if you don't the rest of your marriage will most likely suffer.And even if you aren't in the "mood" try... because the less sex you have the less you'll want it, the more you do it the better the chance that you'll start to enjoy it again (at least that is my experience).

Jen - posted on 03/13/2010




i feel your pain my sons 15 month n i just dont feel like sex its like once a month thing sometimes i do it to please my bf buts other times i will feel like it

Karen - posted on 03/13/2010




i feel the same son is almost 6 months old and i have no desire what so ever and i don't see it coming back anytime soon - not because i don't love my husband or want to be with him either. lucky for me my husband understands and doesn't push it...i'm sure it will come back on it's own time, but for now we just go out on "dates" whenever we can and spend some cuddle time together and that keeps us from growning apart. good luck to you!

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms