Is it ok for me to call police to have a talk with my 5 year old?

Cynthia - posted on 08/27/2013 ( 132 moms have responded )

3

0

0

I have a son,, who just started kindergarten. He has become very aggressive at school and on the bus. He is hitting, spitting, pushing, and biting other children. I have tried everything. I don't know what else to do. HELP!!

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

CORINNE - posted on 09/21/2013

44

0

2

Cynthia,
First of all YOU need to get to the REAL reason you child (SON) is acting out.
He is in Kindergarten, YOU ARE IN CONTROL......OR YOU SHOULD BE!
HE IS FIVE/SIX? IF YOU CAN'T CONTROL HIM NOW, YOU ARE IN TROUBLE WHEN HE IS 15 OR 16 YRS OLD!

OK, NOW WITH THAT SAID LET'S MOVE ON.....
You need to ASK QUESTIONS of your son.
IF he can TRUST you then he will tell you.
LET'S START WITH.....
You saying to him :

" (son's name), we need to sit down and talk about a few things.
I'm your mom and I love you. I MIGHT not always like you, well actually your behavior is what I don't like. I'm sure you love mommy. I hope so anyways, but you don't always like me either! RIGHT? (nudge him and get him to laugh!!!) I can be mean sometimes right?

Well that is MY JOB! God gave you to me as a gift and It's my job to teach you right from wrong.
If you don't like me sometimes that means I'm doing MY JOB! (laugh) That is gonna happen a lot over the years...trust me!
ANYWAYS,
I thought we had gone over this but I guess I was wrong, Sometimes moms and dads can be wrong you know!

Anyways, I don't want you to hit, or spit or push or bite people.
You would NOT like it if someone did that to you would you?
I KNOW I would not like someone doing that to YOU OR to ME!"
.....let him open up. If he does not then go on.

So you KNOW you can tell me if someone ever hurts you. right!
I hear from the school that you are doing these things. Can you tell me why?"
.....let me talk! Try to just listen first.
..................IT is going to take some time if this is your first talk.
try to make it a daily talk! Maybe at bath time or before or after! YOU DECIDE! Let him know that kids who are angry grow up as social out casts and do bad things that God does not like and will put a black mark in his book for each thing! When he dies (and we all will one day....when we are old!) God will judge him for that and you want God to be happy he is there not sad that he was bad his whole life! ) .....NOTE: This works....I used it on my kids and my Grand Daughter is 4 yrs old and ASKED to go to Church as she felt so bad for telling a lie (that is a good thing in my book!), that she had to apologize to God!
I teach my kids NOT to Lie, Cheat or Steal. These are my main issues. The rest comes from the other commandments but these are key to a good life of honesty!
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
.....SOMETIMES KIDS THINK THEY ARE BEING PUNISHED BY BEING SENT TO SCHOOL! Depends on how YOU have approached school and learning as he was growing up. Could be other things going on too.
TRY TELLING HIM DAILY THAT SCHOOL IS FUN....LEARNING IS FUN AND EXCITING TO ADD KNOWLEDGE TO YOUR BRAIN!

Ask him IF someone hurt him, or touched him in a funny way (MOST kids act out after being touched wrong or being molested!) let him know it is ok and safe to tell you anything!
Maybe kids are picking on him for his clothes or he is defending you. There are so many variables but the KEY is to open dialog that STAYS OPEN for the rest of your lives! You will avoid all sorts of potential problems or peer pressure IF you do this with your child/children! ONE ON ONE time! THEN FAMILY TIME!
.....As my kids are 10 yrs apart. IT helped/helps to talk alone and in front of siblings who have gone through what the child is dealing with to add that valuable advice. And it makes your family a close family unit. Not quite the Waltons but close!!! :-D wink.

Now, IF you need to a Scared Straight Program ................with your child you can go to the police station and ask for an officer (usually when your son is in school!) tell him/her you plan to do this to help your child and ask for their help.
Set up an appointment to come in and do a walk through and have the child sit in the cell with the door closed and walk away for a minute. IT IS SCARY for a five year old! Then have the officer talk to him as well. How he should listen to your mom and dad and he can tell you or them (police) anything as they all are here to help catch the bad guys and keep them locked up so they don't hurt good people!

Police are usually glad to help you this way as it saves them later in life with having to deal with something that should have been taken care of long ago by the Parent.


FYI....PARENTING IS HARD WORK. AND A JOB.
IT TAKES WORK AND EFFORT TO FOLLOW UP ON YOUR CHILD DAILY.
TO KEEP UP WITH WHOM THEY ARE HANGING OUT WITH.
TO BE A PARENT WHO IS THERE FOR NOT JUST YOUR OWN KIDS BUT OTHERS AS WELL. (RIGHT HERE....YOU CAN SAVE A WAYWARD CHILD! JUST BY BEING A CONSTANT, CONSISTENT, PRESENCE THAT EVERYONE KNOWS WHAT TO EXPECT.

NOTE: KIDS WILL DO WHAT EVER THEY CAN FOR ATTENTION. BAD OR GOOD.
MAKE SURE YOU.....................ONLY..................GIVE GOOD ATTENTION.
BAD ATTENTION MAKES FOR PRISONERS LATER IN LIFE!


I hope this helps you.
Need anything clarified or how to do DRILL SERGEANT MODE when they are older just ask. I have used it all to keep my kids in line and put some fear into them.
FEAR IT'S A GOOD THING!
IT SHOWS RESPECT AND MAKES THEM THINK TWICE ABOUT DOING BAD BEHAVIOR AS THERE ARE CONSEQUENCES TO ACTIONS!!!

My kids NEVER got in trouble for telling me the TRUTH!
They may have gotten a talking to or lecture but never a punishment!
NOW, IF they lied they were in BIG TROUBLE!

I'm strict:
Example-Let's say they get bad grades in school.
First Offense:
They are grounded in the house until the Next Report Card or Interim.
Second Offense:
They lose all electronic equipment, tv, radio, game systems ....everything until the next Report Card
Third Offense:
You get a Swat on the bottom (age appropriate 1 for each age of child), I used a belt as I have arthritis and it hurt me! My kids were 13 yrs old and 7yrs when I had to do this and Never had to do it again to either one! I SAID I WOULD AND I HAD TO PROVE I WOULD TO EACH ONE! KIDS WILL TEST YOU TO SEE IF YOU WILL FOLLOW THROUGH....IF YOU DON'T....TELLS THEM YOU DON'T CARE AND THEY CAN GET AWAY WITH MURDER! IF YOU DO WHAT YOU SAY THEY WILL NEVER BE A PROBLEM!!!
Forth Offense:
I send them to Military School!
IF THEY CAN'T LISTEN TO ME, THEN THEY WILL LISTEN TO THEM!
Note: I sent for brochures when my 13 yr old tested me after I divorced his father (who was an alcoholic and his little brother got hurt while I was at work!).
IT WAS A TEST!
He saw the brochures and begged me to not send him!
I gave him ONE more chance!
He was a dream child from then on!

DO WHAT YOU SAY, AND SAY WHAT YOU MEAN!
IT IS IMPORTANT TO NEVER SHOW FEAR. EVEN IF THEY ARE TALLER OR STRONGER AND YOU KNOW THEY COULD BEAT YOUR ASS!
THEY WILL BE THE ONES WHO WILL BE AFRAID....NOT YOU! YOU ARE IN CONTROL!
GOT IT?!

HOPE THIS HELPS ALL OF YOU OUT THERE WHO READ IT!
God Bless,
Corinne Balante

Ariana - posted on 09/24/2013

1,309

0

624

If you do please call the non-emergency number haha. Like call the station or something, or email a member and ask them about it.

You may have more help talking to the principle rather than a police officer. Your child is not going to get sent to jail for this, he may get sent to the principle though. It's better for your child to realize the real consequences and be a little afraid of their principle rather than the police (who should be considered a person to run to help to, not be completely terrified of).

What have you tried btw? Have you and the teacher made a plan?

Unfortunately a consequence after school is not as effective, but possible. Maybe you and the teacher could make a plan where your 5 year old earns a sticker (or point or something) every time he makes it through a section of the day properly. That way it's not, if you mess up in the morning well you're going to get it for sure at home tonight, instead he has a chance to change his behavior step-by-step. So cut it up as much as you can but if he's biting on the bus and at recess make those times where he can be rewarded for behaving properly, or having so many stickers etc, and a consequence for when he does not behave.

Maybe if he acts up on the bus he won't get tv, or if he has 4/5 stickers he earns something, 5/5 something really awesome (like extra time staying up late).
Once again, unfortunately he is younger so the connection will not stick the same, but at least then he will be reminded that there is a system. His teacher can tell him how great he is during the times he listens and you can all heep positive reinforcement on the days he does well.

One more thing is most issues like this are due to frustration. Try to teach him coping mechanisms, practice deep breathing. Talk to him or tell him stories about how to handle difficult situations (what to do when that kid keeps bugging him on the bus instead of hitting/spitting). It can go a long way to make a story about animals sharing (or whatever social skill) and tell that to a child rather than telling them what to do.

Hope some of that is helpful! No matter what you do try to focus on the positives (when you can) and try to make a plan with the teacher and you working together (since it's more difficult to teach him how to act after the fact then in the moment).

Good luck

Chris - posted on 10/01/2013

16

0

3

As a former police officer, the answer to that is no. Installing fear of authority figures is not the way to go. You want to teach them to respect, not to fear, law enforcement. I can't tell you how many times I've heard parents say to their children "Here comes the police! You better stop [whatever they were doing], or they'll take you away!" as I was patrolling with the windows down, or on community foot patrols. Fast forward to the same neighborhood a couple of weeks later, and the same kids that got their "talking to" by the parents are either glaring at us, or running from us. So, for those kids, every time they saw us, they rationalized that we must be there to "take them away" for some wrongdoing. Bad idea, all the way around.

I would get him to a child behavioral therapist, after ruling out any medical issues with your child's doctor. Reach out to your son's school and teachers. Find out if he's behaving like this at school, and look for assistance from them. Notwithstanding a medical condition, is it possible he is learning this behavior from other children he is exposed to? I have talked to many parents who stated their child's behavior did a 180 once they entered an environment (pre-school, daycare, school) where they were involved with and exposed to other children who displayed negative behaviors.

Helen - posted on 09/15/2013

59

0

14

Why is he behaving like this? Has his behaviour changed since starting kindergarten? If so, you need to find out what has happened to change his behaviour. Is he ready for kindergarten? Does he have behavioural issues or learning difficulties that make school stressful for him? Have his eyesight and hearing been checked recently? Is his speech good enough to keep up with the other children and to communicate his feelings without resorting to violence? Is he able to sit still, listen to instructions and interact socially with other children? Is he being bullied? Are there family problems that upset him?

As a teacher, I learnt that children who behaved like this, mostly boys, did not have the language skills to express how they felt. It distressed me that more was not being done to help these children.

I would not get the police involved. From your son's point of view that is a betrayal and it shows him that you are not in control. He would find this frightening. In fact, he would find his lack of control frightening and he needs help to develop control.

Here is my advice:

. Talk to his teacher, if you have not already done so.
. Take his for hearing and vision checks and talk to his doctor
. Comfort him (cuddle and kisses) and give him words for how he feels. For example, " I am sorry you feel so angry and sad but hurting other children is not right. What made you so sad at school today?"
. Read him stories that can help him understand how to behave around other children. A librarian can help you find appropriate books.
. Help him socialise by organising play dates with one other child at a time and be involved to observe how he behaves and to assist him . The play dates should be well planned at first to avoid conflict with set activities like bike rides in the park or a card or board game with you participating too.

I hope things improve soon.

Piper - posted on 09/02/2013

17

0

1

Cut all wheat and grains out of his diet. Have some blood work done to see if all of his levels are right. Have him tested for gluten intolerance. At such a young age this is medical most of the time- has he ever been abused in any way? Anyone he's been left with who could have abused him in any way? At such a young age, if he's coming from a loving and even tempered household, I'd say it's medical. Have him thoroughly evaulated for all allergies and off blood levels- don't let your doctor give you any crap- THEY WORK FOR YOU- have the work done weather they think it's relevant or not. At least then you can cross it off the list if it really isn't the culprit. If you're paying for it, they should have it done. Doctors can be egotistical douche-bags. I've personally dealt with it my whole life with regards to my own personal medical problems which have effected me emotionally and mentally for years and years, and which I am just now figuring out.
Get him into behavioral therapy as well. It can't hurt. Shut off the TV! Shut off the video games! These trivialize death and pain... they have a HUGE effect on young people. They think it's okay to be wild and violent because they have "10 lives" or however it is in the movies or video games.
DON'T SPANK HIM. If he's already displaying violent behavior, this will NOT HELP! It will make it worse!!! Calling the police on him will make him think he's "bad"... He's a KID- don't get him used to thinking of himself as bad, because he will eventually accept it and relax into that role and it will be a life-long thing. LOVE LOVE LOVE, even if you get mad at him! This is not HIS FAULT! He is a CHILD! Help him figure it out. This can't be a fun way for him to live either, IT'S A CRY FOR HELP! Take it as that, and solve the problem- don't treat the symptom! Good luck!

132 Comments

View replies by

Heather - posted on 01/01/2014

1

0

0

I actually found a play therapist for my son. It's really amazing how much it's helped him (and us, his parents as well as his prek teachers). He is learning how to cope emotionally and getting great coaching in self-control.

Kathryn - posted on 10/19/2013

1

0

0

My older sister did that with her oldest son when he was 8/9 years old. He was back talking while she was fussing at him for picking on his two year old brother, she threatened to spank him if he didn't watch his tone, and he got the bright idea to threaten her with calling the police and having her arrested for abusing him....so she picked up the phone and said "Here! Let me help out. I'll call them for you." I can't even describe the look on my nephews face!! It was priceless!!

Anyhoo....

A police officer was dispatched. He spoke to my nephew first, then with my sister. After which he walked over to my nephew, put him in handcuffs (my nephew started crying at that point), put him in the back of the back of the police car, and spoke to him through the window. He let my nephew know if he was called back out here again because he thought he could teach his Mom a lesson by having her arrested because she had disciplined him fur being a bully, that he would personally spank my nephew himself before putting him back in handcuffs, and carting him down to juvi hall in the back of the paddywagon.

As far as I know he hasn't threatened his Mom again. This happened almost 5 years ago...

Deb - posted on 10/08/2013

1

0

0

I know how you feel because I have walked in your shoes. I read thru some comments & tried all of those suggestions& nothing worked. Two weeks before kindergartren ended he was put out. Prior to that 3 preschools. I called his dr & he stated he knew I would reach out to him one day. My son has been on medication since 5 and he is now 18. It does not cure the problems but it helps their behaviors for them to be successful in life and not labeled as having behavoir issues. It's still a process so be patient with your son but get him some help. He is just now being able to inform me what was happening when he was 5 yrs..

ShakirinaLIkram - posted on 10/08/2013

24

0

1

! was kind of old by local standard when I had my first child. And having to juggle nursing and bringing up a baby with teaching can be very hectic but I would not trade the experience with anything else in the world. Then the others started coming every two years. That took some more adjusting and juggling.
Overall many parents tend to think attending Parenting sessions are unnecessary as there are voluminous material and books they could benefit from. This particular On-line group discourse also provide a wide interaction avenues.
BUT as a teacher I will always look forward to continuous live interaction as the children today are far smarter and more fortunate than their predecessors with all the latest educational softwares and electronic gizmos.
So parents need to be really up-to-date and on par with the facilities available today - towards the finer, positive and good moral values and developments (as opposed to the negatives)!

Dina - posted on 10/08/2013

1

20

0

I would recommend that you read and get some knowledge about The Positive Descipline Philosophy of Parenting.. they highlight magically what's the underlying cause for a repetitive problem that you face with your child and give you suggestions of what to do as a response.. I've personally benefited a lot from The Positive Discipline school of thinking andit has helped me overcome a handful of behavioral issues I had with my sons ... Hope that you would benefit from it too, Cynthia ☺

Debra - posted on 10/07/2013

62

30

4

I also found it helpful to know that it takes a child an average of 3 months to get used to a situation. I knew that FT kindergarten was going to be too much for my then 4 year old, who turned 5 in november. So he went into a PT kindergarten program. It took him until about November December to really settle into the routine of things as well.

Karen - posted on 10/07/2013

5

4

0

I also would like to know what changes this Mom has tried thus far, as there is a ton of feedback here! My boy, now 8, was always a behavioral handful, but the only time we had aggression was once when I tried it give him children's Claritin daily for seasonal allergies. By the second day on it he was starting fistfights. This was in pre-k when he was 4. Doc said around 20% of kids have an aggressive response to Claritin and drugs
Iike it. Turns out now, 4 yrs later, that our boy is also allergic to wheat, eggs and dairy which explains about 90% of his other behavioral quirks. Once you've exhausted other avenues, like the school counselor or private child psychologist, I'd suggest checking on food allergies.
Some important points that are probably in the 100+ other comments are if the boy is difficult all the time, home and school and also over the weekend. If this behavior started suddenly with school and is mostly only seen at school then there is something that bears investigation going on. At this very young age, most kids can't express that they are tired, hungry, frustrated, angry, scared, insecure...they act out to indicate that something is going on that they can't handle. When is his birthday? If he's among the youngest kinder kids I would suggest you consider pulling him from school and waiting til next year. Place him in a reliable pre-k program for another year and let him mature a bit more.

A wise parenting authority who I read along the way reminded me that 'kids want to do well, and will if they can' especially in the elementary years. Thinking of it in terms of what is preventing him from doing the right things can be a very helpful mindset. It was for me.

Queen Of My - posted on 10/07/2013

103

2

19

I have not read through all 123 comments so this may be repeated information but I feel like the police is not necessary. Not that I don't think it is okay - I do when he is older or if he was stealing or starting to do other petty crimes - but I think hitting is a way to release aggression - often if children cannot express what they are feeling because they don't have the language skills or they can't identify the emotion they will act out physically. I would reach out to professionals who are trained in areas of child psychology - either the school guidance counselor or a child psychologist. I am interested in what you find out because my one year old is acting out very aggressively. Good luck! I am sure he is just overwhelmed with all the changes school brings. Be patient! It's good you are aware of it and dedicated to fix the behavior now before it becomes a serious issue!

Debra - posted on 10/07/2013

62

30

4

how much sleep does your child get? do they sleep well? School is such a change for them and is so very tiring- especially if he is in full time kindergarten. And what does the school do to help him? Our school had a time out spot for the kids in kindergarten. At the beginning of the year, he also had an episode that involved him hitting another child. He was sent to the principal's office where they could talk about it. I also spent more time with him and made sure he went to bed extra early ie. 7 or 730pm every day. That helped a lot as he adjusted to his new schedule.
Also- it might be helpful to make sure his diet is full of good healthy foods, cutting out sugars and dyes makes a big difference for some kids!!

Raymondlongocean - posted on 10/07/2013

1

0

0

No, it's not ok. That will just address the symptoms. You need to get to the cause of his behaviour - he is crying out for help and very frustrated. Something at school is causing major stress for him. If need be, take him to a playtherapist to help him identify his emotions.

Erin - posted on 10/07/2013

2

0

0

Talk to his pediatric Dr. about it. Also there may be something happening at school or on the bus that he is not able to tell you (like he doesn't know how to tell you) If you do ask the police to talk with him take him up to the police building.

ShakirinaLIkram - posted on 10/07/2013

24

0

1

Thank Goodness coz I have read `belt' and `beat' and there being so many mums who are not actually prepared for parenting I squirm with stories of drug abuse (then dying) and quirky behaviours as repeting what their parents did to their children.
One of my teacher made the mistake of caning her poor daughter to blazes when she came back from work and found the poor baby playing with her soiled body, She had asked her brother-in-law to be the babysitter. And that was one of many more beatings she did not to one but all her seven children. The father was no kinder. He took a hockey stick and resorted to kicking and slapping his children silly.when they misbehaved. These were small children needing TLCs and helpless in the hands of belligerent and violent parents.
Now they have grown up, the children never forgot their mother's violent ways with them. Though they loved her, they lived away. She now lived alone. Being the eldest and with a few of the younger children still in colleges, if she were to ask for cash to help her younger sibling (she being the eldest of only two who were working) she would retort hotly and comment acidly that `all her mum could think of was money, money, money!'
When she made any mistake in her old age (of 53) they were very critical of her and at times not supportive. At times she recounted bitterly, the beatings she got at her hands as a child.
Payback time? I surely pray and hope NOT because her mother had to stop teaching, made so much sacrifices and was a devoted mum of seven beautiful and handsome children.
But resorting to violence never pays. My sisters and I who were teachers were guilty at one point or another. I have never seen or heard of my teacher mum being abusive.
Her students doted on her while my students tended to be rebellious and bitter. I really had to try some other means to discipline them. Fortunately they all turned out alright..
But I sure regret every single day I remember those angry words ringing in my ears!
Mothers are teachers in all sense of the words.. .

Rosella - posted on 10/06/2013

39

0

7

Mommy, i don't BEAT my child and i will tell you the exact same thing i told the last mother: I did it ONCE and i hated it so i stopped. I do NOT need parenting classes, i don't BEAT my child and i'll say it all day long. when i did it once i hated it so much that i needed to lock myself in my room and take a breather with my husband. This goes for every mom who thinks i'm an awful mother for this I DON'T BEAT MY CHILD! read this a dozen times and please get it in your systems, Some mother suggest this so i just thought i'd squeeze it in. NEVER tell me i beat my child because that is absoulutley untrue. From here on out please no one respond to my last post because it obviously has the wrong message being put out there. I'm sorry if i offended anyone and i hope that everyone respects my space and just leaves this post be. And F.Y.I children DO listen to the parents they just don't appreciate it.

Rosella - posted on 10/06/2013

39

0

7

First, i don't BEAT my child, it doesn't matter what the age is, if you have tried absoulutley everything then i'm sure you would consider it. Don't you EVER say that i beat my child ever again because i have only done this ONCE and i hated it so i stopped. And yes she is a girl and i did it, i STOPPED FOR THAT REASON and because it was wrong So next time you try to get on someone's case you'd better be able to back up your junk.

Jenny - posted on 10/06/2013

3

0

0

A belt for a 5 year old little boy? What do you plan to do as they get older if the only way you think your child will listen is by beating them with a belt? Please get some parenting classes ASAP! Children will learn to what is expected of their behavior by having a consistant parent they respect than a parent who hits them! Most people who hit their children do so in anger and that is not a state in which you can be rational or send consistant messages to your children!

Jenny - posted on 10/06/2013

3

0

0

I have 6 children from a little boy who also just started kindergarten all the way up to a 25 year old. Some children have a hard time with the separation from Mom for the first time or even if they have been going to preschool or childcare, they are suddenly given very different expectations of what they are supposed to do through out the day. What he may need more than dscipline right now is some extra reasurance that he is still Mama's boy and you will be there when he gets home. Try to find some extra time to sit and read a story together or play with his favorite toy and then talk about his behavior with out getting angry and discuss how he would feel if someone where to hit him, spit at him, push or bite him. Sometimes they need you to talk about why they should not do that because it hurts other children and makes them feel bad. Empathy needs to be taught, not everyone just realizes I don't like being hit so my friend will not like it either. And while this will work quickly for some kids, it may take longer for another, I have 6 kids and different things have been more effective for different kids. But my experience says he is just overwhelmed by all that comes with starting kindergarten and he will benefit most from a lot of reassurance that you will be there and you still love him and talking about why the behavoirs are not appropriate (never say the child is bad, children are not bad, they just sometimes have innapropriate behaviors, just like we do) and better ways to handle his feelings. I would not call the police though because he needs to trust that the police are there to help him when he needs help is case he where to ever get lost or there were to be an emergency so he will know that police officers, firemen. doctors, ect are there to help us! Good luck mama and try to be patient, all phases pass in time!

Ginger - posted on 10/05/2013

15

0

0

Wondering how your son is doing?

Talk with the teacher too. We did and the chart system she was doing wasn't working with our son. He wasn't coloring the day in with the right color. She got bingo spot things and he dabs the day with the right color for his behavior. She also started a chart system like we have with pictures and he get to pick a prize at the end of the day if he gets all the stickers. This helps with fine motor skills which he struggles with. We're also looking into auditory processing issues.

We'be also started using some sign language such as stop, sit, listen, no, and yes. He sees the signs and majority of the time stops and listens. The teacher was shocked to see he paid attention and would do what she signed. Signing took a while. I started with sit in preschool and he learned that first and than bam he learned the other pretty fast

Our chart system is working and the morning one he tells me what each line is and I mark it off for him. I don't have to read it no more to him. The pictured help a ton.

If he comes home with a bad report. I email the teacher to know exactly what happened and than I call daddy and we talk. Than we sit down and talk it over with our son. We find out what happened from his point of view. We tell what the teacher said. We ask if that was good or bad behavior. We ask if he should or shouldnt do that again. Than we go over how he can improve his behavior for next time.

If he comes home with outstanding behavior we make a big thing over it telling him how proud of him we are. We hug and jump up and down. If any other behavior besides the not so good. We still tell him how proud we are of him and we give hugs.

So what do we do for bad behavior at home. He has time out than we talk about why he was put in time out and how it can be approve. Next is the toy is taken away. Full tantrum he is put in his room till he calms down. When a full tantrum happens after hes been in his room. He has a punishment. He has to do cleaning, help me or daddy with something. Do garden work or yard work. If he pitches a fit the cycle starts all over and he has to continue with the punishment. We have stopped spanking and it has helped a ton with his aggressive behavior. But every child is different.

We also keep him a strick sleep schedule every day the same, except weekends which we give him and hour to sleep in and stay up. But we stay on schedule and it help. We adjust according to his behavior.

I hope this gives a glim of hope. There is a day ahead when you can breathe and take a breath and once again have your happy boy.

ShakirinaLIkram - posted on 10/05/2013

24

0

1

The belt, with what force? He is only five and new to leaving the home on a bus and whatever else that is reason enough for him to be out for a few hours. In US kids start PS at 2 1/2. I remember the `Headstart' Program , the Piaget and the Montessori - all designed to slowly adapt a child to his various faculties development and gradually introduce him to scheduled learning. Playschool is supposed to be fun and playing with children his age.
I believe the mum needs to read up or excess more info on pre-schoolers teething problems. Her other children do not seem to be problematic.
Give him time to adjust. The belt? Belting a girl, too. I really have heard it all! Gee, this is getting to be unbelievable.

Rosella - posted on 10/05/2013

39

0

7

Well, have you tried the belt? I hate doing that to my daughter chasalen (Although she perfers me to call her chasity) but if it's gotten to that point then that's what we have to do. Now it doesn't have to be long, what i would suggest is that however many bites or spits etc. he does then that how many spanks he gets. Once you do that it will show him that it's not okay. But if you think the police station will help (it most likely will) then you should go for it. :) let me know if i helped

ShakirinaLIkram - posted on 10/05/2013

24

0

1

This is true about wheat and some gluten carbo, and corn syrup by-products. They make a child hyperactive and irritable. My second is as foul mouthed as a sailor when he gets into his nasty mood. He is in kindy and as we do not use the words he used we know he picked it from his mates in Class.
One day, he got hit in the left eye by a hyper boy in his class. We let it go and told him one more time, I will talk to the teacher. Next day he came with red mark at the edge of his right eye! I told him,`If you fight with Amos again, I will tell Amos; mother!'
He was petrified enough. He kept away from Amos.
These days the cartoon featured on screen for kids such as Transformers, Batman, Superman as well as Kung Fu flicks of the Pandas series, gave then ideas of strength and Power!
He even asked for an`Ironman' decoration for his Birthday Cake last September.
It's okay if he wants to look like Rob Downey Jr, in cast Iron? Heaven's forbid!

ShakirinaLIkram - posted on 10/04/2013

24

0

1

Wow, look at you on high horses, whats good for you may not be good for a FIVE year old! The little ones pick from the behaviours and habits of the ADULT(S) before and with whom he interact! That's not my theory that behavioral Science all teachers are taught before they become one.
This is not about shaming, this is helping her see a mother is the one with loads of TLC not police not high-handed disciplining as the boy is as bewildered and insecure as some adults seem to be!
Not at any moment in his early childhood, should a MOTHER be other than soft-spoken, loving and giving her all to understand these tiny feet taking his steps into the real world.
I adore my children and all little people. They help me in my job with other children. I am thankful for their presence - difficult yes, challengeing, no. As a parent, (and a teacher) its my duty to guide and mould them to the best of my knowledge and wisdom.
And a set of parents must be prepared from A to Z if they wish to be models for their children! This is no trial-and-error journey. We do not want a Miley Cyrus nor an Amanda Knox or end up like the helpless Miriam Carey!
Obamacare is indeed expensive but I pray it will help some real needy people along the way!
FYI, I have four kids the eldest being in Year Two and the youngest is 22 months old. Even with a maid helping and a 6hr - day job, I make time to attend parenting classes when the first two started play-school and kindy!
In trying to help Cynthia, we have to face facts and stats and read heaps of child psychology as kids today are vastly developed than children of pre- PV days, smart phones and i-Pads.
Its expensive too to make sure their IQs are suitably accomodated.
Because without intellectual approach to problems we make mistakes and wrong assumptions - I have never been happier in my life, having a job and yet time to see the children get superb care.
Let the Police take care of difficult adolescents and adults. Luckily they are getting paid despite the Republican shutdown!
Three cheers and salute, for those who work for free!

Christina - posted on 10/04/2013

1

15

0

Wow! Shakirina was that a mean hearted judgement call. Does it make you feel important trying to shame this woman? As if motherhood isn't challenging enough then to have someone ridicule you as a parent. You must be a very unhappy person to have to talk to someone like that.

To the poster, I feel your frustration, I have a son who had severe behavioral problems. I was at my wits end. Then I put him in martial arts. Tae Kwon Do was the most amazing thing to happen to us. It teaches them respect, self control, and discipline. He now has developed healthy friendships and boundaries. He is doing very well in school and all around life for him and everyone in our family is so much better and more positive. Give it a try, I think you will be amazed how quickly things will turn around for him :)

ShakirinaLIkram - posted on 10/04/2013

24

0

1

My goodness madam, what are you, his mum or the platoon commander. There must be an underlying reason he is perpetually billigerent. Just mmake sure he is NOT picking it up from the adult around him.
At five, and just starting kindy, he is barely our of the house past few years! So look around at the causes and sources of his penchant for violence.
Sic the police on your five year old boy.. Maam, I believe you need to join parenting School, if there is one, nearby your home!
You want to scare the daylights out of him at such a tender age? A 34year old `Black' (yes that was how she was described) lady with was killed today driving like driven by the Devil, with her year-old daughter, after suffering from post-partum depression!
What did the police do, shoot at the woman driver, thinking she might be a terrorist trying to bomb Capitol Hill! Such is the state of fear in all Americans after the 12dead shooting at the Naval Yard!
Can you blame them? No, but that is what they do, shoot first, (8 shots) ask questions later.
And you want the police to `talk' to a five-year old! You might as well have a kitten or a parrot for a son, easy to manage!

Elizabeth - posted on 10/03/2013

2

0

0

Have there been any big changes in your son's life to cause him to act out? Perhaps something bigger is bothering him? Is he being bullied at school? Maybe there is something else going on causing his behavior...

Elizabeth - posted on 10/03/2013

2

0

0

Have there been any big changes in your son's life that could cause him to act out? Is something bothering him? Is someone bullying him at school? Or is Kindergarten itself a big change from his previous schedule and norm? Perhaps the behavior is a result of something bigger that he is unable to verbally express...

Stacy - posted on 10/03/2013

2

0

0

Mujida, I do not ever believe you should avoid your child as a form of discipline. That is not going to help your child in the least. There are ways to show a child how to respect, that do not make them feel as though they have done something so bad that you no longer love them. Yes, don't buy them toys if they are misbehaving. You never want to reward those types of actions. But, they will learn nothing from avoiding and ignoring them, except that you are not someone they can rely on no matter what. You say they will realize something is wrong, and they will, but they won't ask you about it, because they will feel they have already made you too mad. They will live with that fear all the time.

As far as calling the police goes... No I would not recommend it. You want your children to feel safe with a police officer. To know that they can call them or go to them if they are in serious need. Having a police officer called on them for this will in turn make them scared of that authority. My recommendation would be to contact the school psychologist and see what they have as suggestions. Then take it from there. There may be a serious underlying problem that only a trained behavior specialist will be able to get to the bottom of.

Best of luck with your situation. I know it isn't easy. Just work with your child and you will see the light :)

User - posted on 10/03/2013

2

0

0

Like d other moms I'll also tell u to teach him how to respect others and for that u 'll have to hide your love for him ,and just show him that you are avoiding him and don't buy him any toys or chocolates and when he will realise that something is wrong ,then you try to explain him about his wrong deeds and say him to achive the right deeds which you will teach him.

Barbara - posted on 09/30/2013

11

7

1

I agree Jenna! I do not believe that when our children misbehave, we should call the police. If they don't respect you, they won't respect the police either.

Jenna - posted on 09/30/2013

7

5

1

Sounds like he is acting out because something is wrong; and perhaps what's wrong is he doesn't have enough structure at home and is balking at the structure that's in school. He also might be taking advantage of the other little kids who are being quiet and good in school and abusing them.

You need to teach him how to respect other people by showing him how to respect other people yourself. And sit him down and tell him that you are never to hit, bite, spit, or push anyone. He may be seeing this behavior from somewhere, and he must learn that that is not good behavior -- and get him away from the person/people who are acting like this if there are some.

Also, he needs consistent punishment when he gets home -- tell him you will take 3 toys away each day that he misbehaves in school. And then follow through on the punishment, even if they are the last 3 toys he has. And then really reward him when he has a good day -- give him his favorite dinner, play a game with him specially, etc.

Barbara - posted on 09/30/2013

11

7

1

I am curious. When you say you have tried everything. What have you tired exactly??? With a 5 year old, you have to be very, very consistent. You have to set punishments and follow through. If that means taking away his favorite things, then do it. It might take awhile, but it will work if you are consistent. You also have to be loving and explain to him everything you do and why you are doing it. Since he is hitting, etc I would not recommend spanking. However you can certainly punish him in other ways. And you'll have to be tough. If he cries, don't rush to him and hold him. He'll need to continue his punishment.

Diane - posted on 09/27/2013

6

9

0

Absolutely NOT! You should not do anything that will teach your young son to be afraid of the police. Children need to be taught to respect and trust the police. Not to mention police have enough work without that being added to their responsibilities. Contact his school and see what they suggest. If they don't have suggestions, then maybe you should contact his doctor for suggestions. But please, please do not teach him to be afraid of police officers.

Marisol - posted on 09/27/2013

3

0

0

I don't think threating your child is the right thing to do. Putting fear in a child is never a good outcome. I would suggest letting your child know how biting hurts the other child. Let him know its not okay to spit because he is spreading germs. Lastly, tell him if he wants friends he needs to be nice.

Melody - posted on 09/26/2013

6

11

2

I say absolutely NOT. It sounds like he needs love and understanding. Scaring people into good behavior only works as long as they are scared of that thing. Sooner or later, he will meet some child-delinquents who tell him how cool their Uncle Felon is. The fear will go away, and he will be uncontrollable and resentful for you trying to manipulate him with fear. I speak from experience.
I'm not saying that you don't give him enough attention or love. Perhaps it's more consistent discipline from you that he needs. Maybe it's more communication, diet changes, or maybe there is something bothering him.
But if there is one thing I know for sure, it is that calling the police on your children is a bad idea. Do not use the law or the "system" to control your children. I promise it will backfire.
Email me at Melyney@yahoo.com if you want to talk about it. My Mom did that to me and it was a horrible idea. I would hate for that rift to come through any other mother/child relationship.

Alberta - posted on 09/26/2013

1

0

0

Of course it's alright. My son was playing with matches and starting fired. No matter what I said or did he continued until I had a fire Marshall talk to him. It worked out and he stopped playing with fire.

One time my boys stole a piece of candy I took them to police station. They spoke to police officers and stood in a jail cell. We never had those problems again :)

Miranda - posted on 09/24/2013

1

0

0

Honestly, if you think you should, then do it. Or wait it out and see if you can figure out why he's doing these things. My son likes to hit people and has been diagnosed as a highly sensitive child by our therapist but our family practitioner diagnosed him as ADHD with ODD tendencies. HSC (highly sensitive child(ren)) are commonly misdiagnosed as ADHD because there are a lot of things that cross over. I would suggest going to a therapist OR looking at questionnaires online that you can go through and answer yourself and get an idea of what exactly is going on. HSC is the best diagnosis for my boy because when he gets very overwhelmed, he lashes out. It's something he needs to learn to control but at 6 years old, it's very difficult. Some of these responses are a little discouraging...especially the judgmental ones, but don't let that discourage you from figuring out what's going on. At 5 years old, I doubt he is able to tell you what is going on in his head and asking him leading questions such as,"Are the other kids being mean to you?" may lead to a dishonest answer just to try to appease you. I suggest being very open with him and explaining how his behaviors make you feel and how it makes the other children feel. And I know this may sound outlandish/very hippiefied (yeah...i just made that up) but you can also look into Flower Essences. They work wonders for a lot of children that have difficulties adjusting to school. It will take time but trust me, hopefully your child has fantastic kindergarten teachers that know what they are doing and I highly doubt that this is the first difficult child they have come across. Hang in there! You got this!

Crystal - posted on 09/24/2013

1

4

0

When my oldest daughter was around 5 or 6 yrs old we went to a store and before going in the store I told her not to touch anything. Well, I do my shopping and we check out and when we got outside I notice my daughter had her hand balled in fist and she had this look on her face. I asked her what do you have in your hand and she opened it up and it was the little bottle of mint drops that sit up at the register. I asked her didn't I tell you not to touch anything in the store? I took her back in the store; which was full with people who were checking out and I told her show the cashier what you have and she showed the cashier and the cashier said it's okay and I said no it's not that is called stealing and I don't raise thieves. So we left the store and what I told her is that since you want to steal I will take where theives go, I drove right to the police station and went in and asked for a police office or a detective the lady at the front counter ask me for what and I told her this little girl likes to steal. The detective came out and walked her to the back and showed her everything including the jail cell. I have not had any problems out of her since and she is now 22 yrs old.

Bekah - posted on 09/23/2013

106

40

14

Don't threaten him with police however, it can be very educational to have a "field trip" to the police station.
Children should never ever ever be afraid of the police

Donde - posted on 09/23/2013

20

39

0

I believe that my Son had a difiance disorder. He has been to several counselors and they all say that he does not have "ADHD". He just refuses to listen no matter what we take away from him. He used to have problems lashing out at us when he would get angry, but I ended up placing him in a behavioral unit for a week because it was just getting to far out of hand! I know what you must be going through! Just don't give up! We have come a long ways, and yes I have even threatened that the cops were going to come over and talk to him if he doesn't straighten up his behavior. I am not sure if 5 years of age is too soon or not, but I do understand your just trying to do everything you can to help your child!

Felicia - posted on 09/23/2013

4

8

0

He may have oppositional defiance disorder. My son has adhd with odd. Get him evaluated to make sure that he is getting all of the help that he needs. And don't let shame or pride keep you from exploring all of your options (I'm speaking from experience here trust me); it's about getting your young man the help that he needs.

Lanell - posted on 09/22/2013

4

0

0

No it's not ok to have the police come out and talk to you're five year old. You need to ask him why he's doing this first becaue maybe he's being bullied and being the tougheer one keeps them from bulling him. If it's an on going issue at home as well he needs to be evaluated by his doctor to rule out some health issues that maybe causing this. A counslor maybe able to help you with some of the anger problems and the best way to disapline this issue. Not with spanking but, with dealing with reason for the anger..

Heather - posted on 09/22/2013

1

32

0

Try a reward system, sounds stupid but kids react better when they have a better understanding of what you want them to do instead of what you dont want. Instead of saying "dont hit or no hitting" try "keep your hands to yourself". Sounds crazy but it works. Try making a rule list and hanging it up where he can see it and go over it everyday before getting on the bus. Also if he is nit getting enough sleep for his age that could play a huge part.

Rebelle - posted on 09/22/2013

4

0

1

Try a therapist. Seriously, he doesn't need to be damaged any more by his mother betraying him with the threat of turning him over to the police. YOU need to find out WHY he is behaving like this. There IS A REASON. If you hit him to discipline him, then you have taught him this is the way to resolve and punish others. Timeouts and taking away TV time, video games, play time or whatever he likes to do most work much better and without destroying their self esteem and confidence. You need to TALK to him, not at him then you need to shut up and let him talk while you LISTEN without judging or over reacting or telling him his feelings don't matter or are wrong. If you do not hit him, chances are someone is even if it's another child.

Valerie - posted on 09/20/2013

8

0

2

Have u ask him why is he doing these things? If u have and it doesnt work....heck yea call the police.not literally maybe a friend that can dress like a cop that he doesnt know and have him comw over to the house.and have them talk to him...after punishments and taking privileges away...maybe if your child will make a deal with him to behave and reward him at the end of the week ...if he behaves to get a prize at the end of the week ...if he behaves then u know he can behave if he really wanted to.u gotta put his behavior in check now before it gets worse

Christine - posted on 09/20/2013

3

4

0

I took my son to the police station around that age for the same reasons. He became aggresive and I had tried everything I could think of. I actually packed him a bag aswell at the time and I now see that bit was probably unnessecary. At the time though I was scared I was losing control and did what I thought best. A sharp shock! My Son is 18 years old now and does remember the day I took him to the police station. I'm not sure if it was the shock that worked but the problem soon resolved. We never actually went inside the station and in hindsight the bag packing should probably be avoided! I realised that positive praise worked better than anything else from that point. Weather the shock helped with that I don't know but it certainly did him no lasting damage. I grew up scared of the police and to this day I still have that fear to some degree. I think its a good thing personally. Keeps you out of trouble.

Ginger - posted on 09/19/2013

15

0

0

Well I'm writing again. We've been on the chart system 3 weeks or so and it's working. He still have some tines where he acts up but nothing like before. We have a bed time chart and a morning chart. The bedtime since that was our major struggle, the chart works this way it has the picture of what he has to do and the word. When he accomplishes that task he gets a star if he accomplishes them all he gets to get something from the grab bag the next day. The morning chart if he gets all stars he gets a quarter. We even include no fighting on the chart, a raised fist, grabbing and holding onto a leg or even overly aggressive words he doesn't get a star.

When this happens we all step back we put him in his room or we just walk away. But once we're all calm we talk about what happened why it happened and why he won't be getting a star which means he doesn't get to grab from the grab bag.

Because my son forgets things at school his teacher is thinking about starting a chart system for him. Because I told her how it's working for us.

The thing is this isn't a simple one week and it's all better it takes steps and it will take time. I did the chart system before for bed time and it took two months for him to get into the groove of things.

I hope things are calming down or at least your finding some answers. We found out our son was stressed with school starting unsure how to communicate he was acting out. He was stressed. With his schedule changing and mommy had been sick and was in the hospital for a bit and than grandpa got hurt. So in the month before school it all hit and he was acting out terribly. Sometimes you have to step back and watch and be an outsider to see what is really causing the issues.

We also found spanking was making him more aggressive and causing more conflict.

Good luck.

Camilla - posted on 09/19/2013

14

0

1

Maybe not calling the police, but taking him to the police station for a talk might work. Talk to a police officer ahead of time and see what he says, so the whole situations isn't too scary for the boy, but maybe the authority figure will have an influence. Did you ask him why he's doing that? Is he getting teased and maybe retaliating?

I'm not saying spanking will or won't work, really depends on the boy, some just get worse with spanking.

Also try a psychologist if you can, they will help.

Skye - posted on 09/19/2013

1

11

0

You should check out the book, "The 5 Love Languages of Children" by Chapman & Campbell. This will really help! It talks about ur parents in your shoes....good luck!

Nicole - posted on 09/19/2013

25

2

0

You can do this if you think it's necessary, but I think it's just going to drive a bigger wedge between you and your son. Right now you're frustrated, scared and overwhelmed. You need to step back and work out a game plan. The thing your child needs the most is not to be threatened or intimidated, but to know that he has a loving, caring parent at home who wants what is best for him. You can be that person by talking to him, spending as much time as possible with him, giving him loads of hugs and kisses and encouragement, and THEN discussing with him the consequences of being rough with other children.

Loading on the affection is the most important part of this equation. Children act out as a way to get attention from parents, teachers, other students, because they need to be told that they're special to somebody. If you are working or have other children, you may not have the time you need to spend with him. I would suggest, if it's at all possible, that you get help from anyone who is willing to help, family or friends or a babysitter/nanny/housekeeper/coworker who can take over other duties for you whenever possible, so that you can spend more time with your son. I haven't dealt with this specific situation, but I know that starting kindergarten was a HUGE change for my daughter, and that she became extra clingy and acted out. Once your son knows how important he is to you, and sees that you are calm and open, he'll be ready to listen to you about treating his classmates with respect and explaining his thoughts and feelings to others instead of hurting others.

I really believe there is nothing more important that you could possibly do, and I wish both of you all the best!

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms