Is it ok for my 8 year daughter to be doing this....?

Kelsey - posted on 09/19/2014 ( 14 moms have responded )

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I've been setting up playdates for her lately, due to her hanging out with older kids who were a bad influence on her. Lately I found out that the older girls were really upset because my daughter won't stop following them around. There's a 7th grader who don't hang out with her own grade either, but she hangs out with the 11th graders and they're good with it. Lately they told my daughter that if she doesn't stop, then they are gonna tell her teacher. I've talked to my child, and she keeps denying and says they're her "friends" then I suggested that maybe she should find someone her own age to be friends with. Also, it's not only the 7th-11th graders, she's also been following younger kids like 1st graders, and they don't seem to want to play with her. I signed her up for girl guides and art class, but she only seems to want to play with kids that are way older or younger than she is.....is it normal? I have a hard time explaining to her that she should play with kids her age or maybe a year younger, but she cries everytime

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Alex - posted on 09/24/2014

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I have noticed a lot of people have called me Alexander.

Does my name appear this way on display? Or is this just a really common typing error?

My name is Alexandra

Kelsey - posted on 09/24/2014

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Dear Alexander,

Yes I've spoken to the school counselor and we're dealing with it...

Alex - posted on 09/22/2014

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Sounds like a dangerous situation.

And not dangerous as in "physically harmful" but definitely, eventually could lead to emotional.

Does she see a counselor? Or does she have a diary??

Having an outlet that is non bias at her age is CRUCIAL to her being comfortable telling the truth and being able to express herself healthily.....

Kelsey - posted on 09/20/2014

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Dear Evelyn,

Yes, and the school took my concerns correctly. First of all, I talked to the principal and teacher. The councilor asked her why as well, her answer was a flat no...

Ev - posted on 09/20/2014

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Kelsey,

Is this the same 8 year old girl that you posted about being around the older girls in 7th and 11th grade that she heard bad language of? Its like you are asking the same question over again. I have read all the posts. If it were me I would make sure she has no way to hang around those girls one way or another at school. You need to find out the real reason why she is not playing with her age group or a year older or younger. Its not good for her to be around older kids she does not already know well. And as for your older daughter being a tattle tale to keep tabs on the 8 year old, that is not going to work. You need to be talking to the teachers and school councilor to see what is going on. Maybe you need to get her into therapy with a councilor outside the school to get to the bottom of this. Its not fair to be dragging this out for her sake. So I would march up to the school during the next week and talk to all the teachers that have contact with your daughter during the day and see what they notice about her and her playing habits. Get insight from others as well. Seek out some kind of help.

Kelsey - posted on 09/19/2014

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Dear Alexander,

I'm not sure, but obviously she doesn't want to play with children her age. I've asked her, and she says "because they are cool". I didn't expect that answer... but her older sister, 12, has been saying that she's hanging out with people way older or younger. I allow my older daughter to "tattle" if she's playing with older kids.

Alex - posted on 09/19/2014

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She may very well feel bored with the children her own age. Or does not feel a connection with them. Ask her why she seeks people that are older or younger?

Kelsey - posted on 09/19/2014

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Dear Shawnn,

Thank you. I'll find out when she gets home from school in 3:00 PM :)

Kelsey - posted on 09/19/2014

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Dear Shawnn Lively,

I'm not sure why my child is avoiding other kids around her peer group. I'm doing this because I love her so much, and she's my sweetest daughter ever. I told her that, but she only asked me what's the point of "liking" her if I don't "like" her friends. Her older sister suggested that maybe she just doesn't hang out with girls the same age as her because they're not interested in her, but that's not true. I've seen kids ask her to play, but she says no.

Two boys asked her to play, but she said no. Then some girls in her class did too, but she just refuses.

My daughter asked them why they allow the 7th grader girl to play with the 11th graders, but they answered that they've known her for over four years.. my 8 year old is currently at school right now, and I wonder how she's doing. Obviously, it's not ok for this child(my 8yo) to be doing this! Second, I told my daughter that she can't just say that a certain person is her friend, the other person has to ACCEPT to be her friend and the friend has to be approved and a good influence!

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 09/19/2014

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Find out why. Obviously the school took your concerns seriously and had a talk with the older girls, so they are doing as they should, and telling her to play with her own age group.

What is it about the kids in her grade (+/- a year) that she so desperately wants to avoid? At this point, she's being entirely stubborn and bordering on disrespectful for not listening to both you and her teachers and staying within her peer group.

At this point, some time in the classroom may help you to decipher why she is avoiding her peer group. In the meantime, continue to enforce the 'no 7-11 grade friends' rule, and continue to involve her in age related activities.

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