Is it ok for my daughters dad to receive visits if he is verbally abusive to me

Nikki - posted on 06/15/2012 ( 5 moms have responded )

30

0

0

My daughters dad has been very verbally abusive ever since my daughter has been 3 months old and it has gotten worse as she is one years old now. I also have a 12 year old and 4 year old. He calls me names such as B**ch, h**, crazy, bipolar, ungrateful, dummy, etc. I have tried to be cordial with him since we have a baby that he acts like he wants to see at times but the verbal abuse has beeen getting so bad lately that I dont think its worth let alone healthy for my daughter to have to be in between this. Even though it is usually on a text or voice mail that he calls me those names. I feel that if he feels this way about the mother of his child what type of role model can he be for his daughter when she is a part of me and he talks with such hate for me. How would you feel about this situation. Would you still continue to let him have contact with his daughter after this kind of behavior?

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Jodi - posted on 06/15/2012

3,518

36

3906

It's you he is verbally abusing, not your daughter. So yes, he should still have visits, but perhaps you can organise a supervised drop off and pick up. I had to do that with my ex when my son was younger, because he used the pick up and drop off as opportunities to abuse me. I chose to use a local community centre, where there was supervision, as the exchange location, and it worked well. He was also not to contact me other than by text message to make arrangements. I would suggest you look into a similar arrangement.

But basically, it isn't your right to stop the visitation altogether. Just find a way to do it peacefully.

5 Comments

View replies by

Mehera - posted on 06/24/2012

7

19

2

Two weeks? Against what? Don't know about you, but your daughter certainly needs a happy and relaxed mum to be with. If you are constantly treading on eggshells wondering when he is going to lash out again, that is not going to happen is it? Take your time, heal yourself, then you will be stronger. Your daughter is the beautiful person, her dad just provided the sperm. There is a lot more to being a dad than that, and if he is abusive and insulting to you, and you allow him access to your daughter, then because he can't hit out directly at you, he may use her to do so. The easiest way is to be verbally abusing to her. Happened with my son, and I had warned him about this being the case when he chose to live with his father for a while, when he was 11.

Good luck, anyway. Love, reconciliation for a child's sake...difficult choices. I hope it all works for you.

Nikki - posted on 06/21/2012

30

0

0

My child's father doesn't live with me thank God. But he texts and calls me with the abusive names and insults. And I try to be strong and look past it but I cant help but feel how could someone you had such a beautiful person with talk to you and treat you in such away. I guess I was in denial thinking it was something he was going through because I also had suffered from pp depression before and maybe it would past but Im just scared to trust and to believe that he wont be this way to me again and have a relapse of hard feelings towards me even though I love him and contemplate reconciliation for my daughters sake but I know at this point in time it's not healthy. He hasn't called me names in 2 weeks but it could happen again.

Mehera - posted on 06/21/2012

7

19

2

Is he living with you?? Sounds like he is. I'd cut him right off! If it is his right then let him fight for it, get a court to agree the terms and make sure he sticks to them. It is your daughter's right to have a relationship with her father if she wants one, but until you are solely responsible for her care, your welfare comes first. Right now she's too young to make that decision for herself. Do what is best for you, and what is legally and morally right.

Dove - posted on 06/15/2012

11,620

0

1348

How would I FEEL? Pissed off and like he's worthless scum that doesn't deserve the air he breathes.

However, it's your daughter's right to have a relationship with her father (with as little interference from you as humanly possible) and as long as he's not mistreating HER... not only would it be morally wrong for you to deny their visitations... it is legally wrong as well.

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms