Is it ok for my kids to call me by my first name at there dad's house?

Alana - posted on 04/24/2014 ( 11 moms have responded )

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My ex cheated on me and is now married to her and expecting a new baby. I am fine with all this and moved on. What I find unacceptable is that he has our kids call the stepmom, Mom and makes our kids call me by my first name. My kids are not allowed to refer to me as Mommy at their dads house. This has completely confused my kids (ages 4 & 7). When they are at my house they call me by my first name, mom, or the stepmoms first name. They can't keep track of what name to say to who. If they want to call the stepmom, Mom that's fine. I know she can never replace me. I just feel it is so wrong for my kids to have to call me by my first name over there. They get in trouble if they slip up. Am I the only one that feels this is unacceptable? Does anyone have suggestions on how I can stop this? My ex is not a reasonable person. I have asked him several times to have the kids call me Mom and told him it is disrespectful for them to call me by my first name. He doesn't care.

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WHOA!!!! That is not ok by any means!!! If anything he needs to call the stepmom by her first name. If he doesn't want them to do that, then he can find another name for your kids to call her, but you are their mother. It's wrong on so many levels to have them refer to you by your first name. He sounds like a real douche and I feel sorry for his new wife.

Jodi - posted on 04/24/2014

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It really isn't a good idea to play "tit-for-tat". I personally think Little Miss's suggestion is "game playing" and doesn't ever end well, in particular, the child is the one who ends up the loser. Doing things like that is taking the low road by stopping to their level. It is NOT a direct consequence of what is going on and merely a "payback". So don't do it. At this point, what is in your court orders? Get them amended to specify that this may not happen.

Jodi - posted on 04/24/2014

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No, they shouldn't be "made" to call anyone anything. It is totally unacceptable that he is trying to make them stop calling you mom in his house. I'd be getting that one added to the court orders.

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Miranda - posted on 04/27/2014

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I have a friend who was a child in a similar situation. He called both moms "mom" but his real mom always took priority. In the presence of both moms, he called his step-mom by her first name. Since this really bothers you, and it seems to be instigated by the father, have you tried talking to his wife about it? She may not care so much and be able to talk him into letting it go a bit. If she is really passionate about this too then maybe it's up to you to be the bigger person and just keep the peace for the sake of the children, and when they are old enough to understand, you can explain why things are the way they are. I do agree though, you are their mom and he is very much disrespecting you. Good luck

Alisha - posted on 04/25/2014

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This sounds like a form of parental alienation to me. Perhaps if you talked to her ex's new lady love you two could work out a new 'title' for her. I grew up with divorced parents and my Mom was Mom and my stepmom was Vickie or Momma Vivi. Perhaps if you two could agree on her new name together she and your husband would still fell like the kids were a part of their family without your children being so confused. Just a suggestion, but I hope it helps.

Alana - posted on 04/24/2014

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99% of the kid swaps are done at school so I don't have to see him. I only see him twice a month when he has to drop them off at my house. My kids are the ones that tell me what they have to call me/her.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 04/24/2014

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OR better yet, he can come pick them up at your house and drop them off.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 04/24/2014

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Well he is an asshole. I would stop going into the house and have him bring the kids out to you, and you can sit in the car while he comes and gets the kids. Screw him.

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