Is it ok to descipline or yell at your friends child but not to your own child?

Belon - posted on 05/16/2013 ( 92 moms have responded )

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I have a friend who has a daughter & the same age as my daughter (7 yr old). My daughter is smart A+ & A- in grades in grade 2, her daughter has so much problems in school, very annoying kid, always get what she wants from her Mom, and she always give in, she tells her mom shut up, be quiet and etc. My child never! I live in 4,000 square feet home, always clean and shiny, my daughter is never allowed to walk with the shoes on inside my home. The kids played in the backyard, came in to the house with their shoes on, and she yell at my daughter and call my daughter stupid (in my language) even though you don't call my daughter that. I told my daughter, she says how come she is allowed, I told my child honey if you are not allowed to do that at home you are not allowed to do it at anybody's home at all. THE next day they played again, same thing happen but my child didn't do it she took the shoes off, and she yell again, I told her my daughter is not wearing it it's your daughter! you should tell her. She says I would never yell at the kids bcoz they feel embarased and I SAID OH really (but in my mind it's ok to yell at my child but not to her child)
2). Went to a party both kids got a balloon and left it beside me to watch it but I didn't pay attention, both kids are wining where's the balloon so I said get a balloon there, there's so much balloons there just take it anywhere it's all yours all the kids are gone. My daughter found one and she found one, but her child like the balloon that my daughter found and her child started crying and telling her Mom that is her balloon. Her Mom came to my child and telling my child that's my baby's balloon, my daughter says, how can it be yours? we lost our balloons, I got this from there, my child's reply is correct right? but gues what the mom says to my child yes kiwi that's my child's balloon, she took the balloon from my child, so my daughter was so upset but i just hug her and proud of her to just let go.
3. Both kids are dancing, my daughter can dance sexy and she has the good moves, her child dance like a robot lol. Everyone just say omg she can dance, she would comment to my daughter you shouldn't dance like that, that's for adults, and people say it's like a jazz dance nothing wrong wit that but for her is wrong.
4. Went to buy a gift for a 1 yr old boy party, we both went to the clothes department, my child found a dress suit with a black pants, tie, vest and shirt very cute and my daughter says oh mommy i want to show it to Tita what we got, she was so excited to show it to her so we went and look for them, i was behind her to see what's her reaction, my daughter goes oh Tita look at this isn't this cute? her reaction was hmm give the ugly look face and snap her hands to tell my daughter is not cool, again my daughter is disappointed. THEN her daughter came right after and say Mommy look and she says oh my god baby that is nice, very good baby thank you and kiss her. My poor baby just walk away and i have to cheer up again. I felt like I want to tell her off but I am up to the roof of my patience with her and I don't know what to do, but at same time my daughter doesn't have any friends in the area, she does but WE THE parents don't hang out together. With her I like because we can hangout and watched them together. I can write a book about this so many issues that bothers me, but it won't be enough pages hehehhe..thanks for your info.
5. We went for an ice cream, I paid for all, my child pick the cotton candy and her child pick another type and as we go along, her child is complaining again that she doesn't like her ice cream, her mom keeps telling her no you pick that then finish it, my child said to her, you should of think and make sure that's what you want before ordering them, the mother said to my child oh be quiet why are you so OPINIONATED? and she is really upset at my daughter, my daughter talks like an adult and she probably hates it i don't know.
Today my daughter says to me she can write the whole book of what bad feelings I feel for her and next time she wants to tell her off.

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Diana - posted on 05/24/2013

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It sounds to me like maybe your "friend" is a little jealous of both you & your daughter & is taking some of it out on your daughter. It seems like she is trying to knock you down a few pegs by knocking your daughter down a few. I wouldn't want my kids hanging out with someone like that. A friend shouldn't make you feel worse than you did before you met. Life is too short to waste time with people who you don't enjoy being around. If you are uncomfortable laying everything out to your friend about what is bugging you, just start making excuses for why you can't hang out if she asks or make playdates at your house with only the child & not the mom. The parent is the real problem.

My daughter (9 at the time) had a friend for a while that she really liked. She had a few playdates, I got to know her mom a little and liked talking to her. The thing I didn't like was when I found out her daughter lies...a lot and about dumb things that there is no way she won't get caught in. My kids are pretty responsible for their ages. They also get great grades in school and I feel that they are responsible enough to plan the details of a playdate and run it by me to see if it is ok: ie. who's house, when, what time, how long, and who is going to be there. The girl came to our house a few times (I like these playdates best so I know who is watching the kids & what they are doing.). The first warning signs that I saw that something was amiss was when the girl (I'll call her Mary) would call my daughter and say that her mom wanted to talk to me. I would get on the phone to talk to her mom & her mom would get on & not have an idea why I wanted to talk to HER...the girl was telling her mom that I wanted to talk to her mom. So both of us would be on the phone saying to each other, "What's up? Mary said you wanted to talk to me." It seemed that "Mary" didn't like to ask her mom things. I had a talk with my daughter and told her that sticking me on the phone without telling me what it is about is unacceptable in this situation because I've gotten the impression that Mary is trying to pull a fast one on her mom. This happened at least 3 times. My daughter was smart enough after the first time to tell me that Mary wanted to know if she could come over or if my daughter could go over there. The last straw came when I let my daughter spend the night. I was supposed to pick her up at 12pm. At 11 am I get a phone call from my daughter asking if it was ok to pick her up at 2pm instead. I asked if they had talked to Mary's mom to make sure it was ok. My daughter asked Mary if she asked her mom (while I was on the phone & I could hear.). Mary said, "Wait, I'll go ask." I waited on the line until Mary came back on and said that her mom said it was ok. So at 12:30 I get a call from Mary's mom asking when I 'm going to pick my kid up because they have a 1pm appt. I said I would be right over & told her what happened. She said that she has a problem with Mary lying. Now, I will take full responsibility with the fact that I should have called Mary's mom myself to verify; however, I genuinely hadn't thought that it was something that a kid would lie about because obviously you are going to get caught. Both my daughter & I were extremely embarrassed about the incident. I explained to my daughter that she would not be going over to Mary's house anymore. I told her that she hadn't done anything wrong; she did exactly what she was supposed to do. The problem I said was Mary...she lied about something that didn't need to be lied about and it made us look bad. I explained to her that part of the fault was mine for not checking with Mary's mom myself. I said that I wasn't telling her that she couldn't be friends with Mary, but as she knows lying is something that I have a No-Tolerance policy with. Mary was still welcomed to come over to our house but not for a little while but she would not be going over to Mary's house again. We went over the importance of choosing our friends wisely and that maybe she could be a good influence with Mary, but that she should be be cautious because you never know when Mary would tell a lie about something important that could get my daughter in trouble. A few months after this incident (as a matter of fact it was Mother's Day) Mary called my daughter and asked if she could come over. Mary said that she already asked her mom & her mom said it was ok because she didn't have a Zoomba class that day. My daughter told her that we had plans already, hung up the phone & told me what Mary said. I asked my daughter if she thought Mary was lying about asking her mom & my daughter said "Yes, because it's Mother's Day and I don't think there are Zoomba classes on Sunday." Lol. I added that I can't imagine her mom wouldn't want to spend time with her daughter on Mother's Day.

I won't say that my kids never tells a fib, but heaven help my kids if I find out because there are 2 things that I will not tolerate in my house - lying & stealing (never been a problem w/my family, but when I was younger I had a cousin who used to steal from me all the time & then lie about it even though I found my things at her house in her room while visiting!!!). I have repeatedly told my children that I would rather have them tell me the truth & warn me that I wouldn't be happy when they told me than to find out that they are lying because if I find out they lied they will be in double the trouble. As far as I know, it has stuck because I very rarely catch them in lies...then again I don't usually give them the opportunity to lie. My Grammy always said, "Never ask a question you don't already know the answer to." and "If you already know the answer don't phrase it in the form of a question & set them up for the opportunity to lie." If you already know they took a cookie that they weren't supposed to have, you don't ask "Did you take the cookie?" You ask, "Were you supposed to take the cookie?" If they answer that question with, "I didn't take it!" you reply with, "I didn't ask if you took it, I asked why you took it."...keeps them honest because they already know that I know.

My point is that I partially threw the ball back in my daughter's court. I made it her decision about who she wants to be friends with & put boundaries on that friendship. My daughter once made the comment that she knows that I don't like Mary to which I pointed out that I like Mary, she is a lot of fun when she is over...my problem is the lying. As far as I can tell my daughter made her decision and has mostly cut ties with the girl...all on her own. I have the feeling that if you back away slowly, set boundaries for the friendship with the other child, & let your daughter decide if or how often she wants to play with the other child, you will see that she really doesn't want to spend much time with her. Encourage her to be friends with other kids. Never bad-mouth the kids or parents in front of your child...always stick to the facts so that they can make their own decision. My hope is that if we practice this now at an early age the lesson will stick when they are teenagers and the friends that they choose will be quality ones...they learn by example.

Good Luck!

Tadj - posted on 05/23/2013

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Right this minute I am asking myself "what on earth are you thinking??!". It is better for your daughter to have no friends than a friend BULLY and mom BULLY like that!!!!! The mom is jealous of you! Your daughter should never be subjected to this type of grief, and YOU need to grow a pair and tell her to stop behaving in such a terrible manner and you do not wish to see her again!! YOU like to hang out with her?? Are you kidding!?? Someone who destroys your child's self esteem??! If you don't let her stick up for herself she will be bullied all her life. And, mommy, YOU need to do right by your daughter and stick up for her! This had gone on way too long!!! This complaining just makes me angry because you aren't standing up for your child and you continue to let her take the abuse!! I believe you are a loving mother, now go prove it!!

Lisa - posted on 05/23/2013

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Wow....... 1. I would never let someone treat my child that way, so stop letting this woman verbally and emotionally abuse your daughter. 2. 7 year old girls should not be dancing sexy! 3. I have to wonder how you treat her daughter because you just told all of us how annoying and bratty she is. 4. The moms are the problem here, not the kids. You two are clearly not friends like you think because there is no respect being given either way or towards each others kids. Your daughters are seeing this and are emulating their mothers behavior. Find new friends! This is about your daughter and if she has to play with other children that have parents you dont hang out with, then so be it because its not about you!!

Charlotte - posted on 05/21/2013

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This is not about discipline - this is about a competitive mother - who frankly - I would NOT be friends with, as she only cares and has eyes for her child. She is not disciplining your child, but rather - she is using your child to show her child how much she 'cares' about her - that in itself is just wrong.
As far as your own child goes - try to extract her delicately from being around this child - and keep her busy with other things... and do not encourage this mother to do anything together - fine a new bestie for your daughter - good luck.

User - posted on 05/23/2013

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Call me crazy, but... From some of the comments you've made about this other little girl, it sounds an awful lot like there is another side to this story. Making derogatory comments about a seven-year-old ("she dances like a robot, lol") is unacceptable. Yes, it sounds like this other mother was also in the wrong, but it certainly does not seem to me like you were mother of the year in these situations either.

Part of being a great parent is about setting a positive role model for our children. Why did YOU not step in and discuss with the MOTHER that you were uncomfortable with her behavior, rather than simply posting an incredibly long rant here? I am glad for your daughter's sake that you decided to cut ties with this woman, but the fact is you will encounter people like this again. You need to decide what example you will be setting for your girl - passive aggressive woman who runs rather than standing her ground, or calm, collected, articulate mother who addresses issues as they come, to ensure a more amicable ending the next time around. Just MHO.

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Belon - posted on 05/31/2013

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thanks so much Diane Dennis for your advise...i do agree what you're saying. Thanks and yes I stop hanging out with her mom and the little girl. My daughter doesn't want them anymore and we have new friends that we hangout and so far so good.

Belon - posted on 05/31/2013

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yes Rose I finally out of her life that mother.....I told her off yesterday and I feel sooooooooooooooooo good..thank you

Belon - posted on 05/31/2013

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thank Diane, I really like your advise, I joined to this circle of moms to get advise not to get insulted by someone, I am being nice to her that is why I don't want to start and telling her off, some people have said just stay away and don't say anything to her but at some peeps says like you to tell her, and I am sure some people like her if I tell her she won't like it at all and she will fight with me. I told her off yesterday and we are not talking anymore and of course she gossip to people I know...lol
What a looser...she is

Anonymous - posted on 05/31/2013

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You're right; the idea of a "sexy" seven year old is disgusting. I really think the mother who wrote this article is in competition with her "friend" and both mothers have issues with other children. It sounds like they both need to quit their friendship and make new friends who are more mature and much less competitive.

Brenda - posted on 05/31/2013

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Sorry, if my opinion isn't what you were expecting but this sounds more like competitive issues between the adults, not really about the children, all I can say is if we want our children to have friends that respect them and provide support & positive input into their lives, we must model that behavior & show them what having & being a real friend is all about!

Isis - posted on 05/27/2013

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Why are you still friends with this person? Se obviously doesn't care about you or you daughter and is probably jealous. Be done with her and find other friends, some that respect and appreciate you. Wish you the best.

GoogleyGirl - posted on 05/27/2013

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Sounds like a situation similar to mine. My 8yo plays with a little girl I honestly cannot stand. This child has no limits in her home and feels as if she has none in mine (when I allowed her here because she is no longer allowed in my home). She is bossy, disrespectful and rude to my daughter... and my daughter loves her to death. I don't understand and it frustrates and worries me so much. I cannot understand why my daughter is willing to be this bossy girls underdog. I have talked to her and explained to her what I see but my daughter doesnt see anything wrong. But I do... as a result I have stopped them from playing together.

I told her that little girl is not her friend. When my daughter won an award the other little girl was so jealous and wined so much that her mother went and bought her an award just to please her. I don't understand it and I don't like it.

I suggest you stop them from playing together immediately. Think about how this relationship may be when the girls become teenagers... and it doesn't sound like it will be good. It may make you uncomfortable, but have some peace in your heart that you are protecting your daughter.
*Good Luck*

Heather - posted on 05/26/2013

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I'm sorry but that other mother is not your friend. Time to move on. P.S. I agree with the other comments. Our daughters are sexualised at far to young an age and it damages them terribly. Change your language and/or your daughter's dance style!

Della - posted on 05/26/2013

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Set limits of acceptable behavior and stick with them. This person should not be on your friends list. Distance your interaction with negative people and show your child how she should be treated, RESPECTFULLY.

Della Badart

Judith - posted on 05/25/2013

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I agree that this friendship is not good or healthy for your child. You need to find another friend with A child to do things with.Also, you should have spoken to the mother of this child a long time ago about your concerns about the child's. behavior. I suggest you find a play group for your little girl, or have her join brownie scouts, or have her get some ballet lessons where she can form some new friendships.

Diane - posted on 05/25/2013

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Yeah, I think a 7 year old should not be dancing "sexy", that struck me as wrong. Both mothers and children in this thread sound like they all quite full of themselves.

Lorraine - posted on 05/25/2013

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I know you like hanging out with the other girls mum but don't put that ahead of your daughters happiness and wellbeing (which I am sure you wouldn't do intentionally). This other woman's view of her daughter is clouding how she treats your daughter. I wouldn't tell someone's else child off. If they were doing something that put them in 'danger' or was dangerous I'd tell them not to do it as they'd get hurt but I would leave 'telling off' to their parent and I think you both should do the same and leave that side to your child. Maybe distance yourself a little bit from the mum and chat to her and tell her she is upsetting your daughter, even if she doesn't realise that.

Amanda - posted on 05/24/2013

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Ummm why do you bother with her. If she brings your daughter down why put her through that???? No offense but it is a very simple answer. Are you only hanging out with them because you want a friend? Your daughters self esteem is going down fast while hanging out with your so called friend. I don't get why you keep putting her through that. Use your brian mom. Also at 7 why is she sexy dancing? You gonna let her wear a crop top and a mini skirt next so all the older boys can look at your daughter in an inappropriate manner?

Lakeesha - posted on 05/24/2013

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Am I the only one that has a problem with a mom being proud her 7yr old dances "sexy"??

Scarlett - posted on 05/24/2013

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I see the jealousy from the other parent, but you as an adult are very immature to put down a kid her kid. That's pretty sad, you sound like you think your better them her.

Staci - posted on 05/24/2013

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Sounds like this mother is jealous because you have a well behaved child and her...not!!! Her child sounds extremely spoiled and that's the mothers fault. There needs to be some order in that home and it should have started a long time ago.

Try and find some new friends. But also the next time she (mom) has something smart to say let her know how you feel. Just don't do it in front of the kids.

Diane - posted on 05/24/2013

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You and your daughter need to find new friends. Stop hanging out with them, plain and simple.

Sella - posted on 05/24/2013

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This is simple if you don´t stand up for your child nobody will, the next time the mother dose something like this again speak your mind, you don´t have to be rood but do NOT let them ore eanyone else walk all over you and your child.
If you don´t like situation change it, get to know some other parents. I do if my children want to play with some children where we don´t know the parents we simply go over and get to know them. I have maid some very good friends that way

Jessy - posted on 05/24/2013

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You should sit and talk about how you feel ,at the same time listen to what she has in mind about you also. You should find a mutual ground if that is not going to work then part ways rather than stressing yourself.

Samantha - posted on 05/23/2013

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I feel like the issue here is between the two grown ups. If you as a mother know in your heart how your daughter feels towards this little girl, why do you take her back there? If you my dear also feel the same way...is it worth it to continue this friendship u have with her mum?.

Theres an old saying my uncle told me .... he said "if a window is blowing too much wind, get up and close it". So if u n ur daughter feel like crap after a day at the witches castle....my advice stay away. They're not worth ur friendship darlings

P.s ur doing a gud job teaching ur child good manners. ;) :)

Lisa - posted on 05/23/2013

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In my opinion, it is time to find a new friend. There is no need for that kind of disrespect to you or your child from any friend. I don't care how long you have been friends with someone, sometimes you just have to cut the ties that hold you down.

Anne - posted on 05/22/2013

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Yep, she shouldn't yell at your child but not her own. Neither should you, neither should I, neither should anyone.

Sometimes it happens. It's a bummer. It means someone is under strain and kinda out of control. I'm often like that, that's how I know.

The answer is tolerance and good humour and getting control of yourself if you can.

Because what seems to be happening isn't what's really happening, from the kids point of view. What's really happening there is that they're learning about how adults perform, interact, react.

The children want to be friends - or at least your child seems to want to be friends - let her do it. With your eyes wide open. With as a good a grace as you can muster. As happily as you can manage.

It's almost certainly going to die out eventually anyway - what seven year old relationships don't? - so just let it run its course while you do your thing.

Which is: handling yourself. Getting above it all.

For what are you doing now? Floundering. Lost. Appealing for help. Complaining. Crying on our shoulders. A bit beaten by it. And that's what your child will detect.

That's the main thing.

That's what is really happening.

So just get back on your feet. You're above all that. Above any 7 year old hassles. Above any irrational bad behaviour from some doting mum with problems.

Just do it your way. Stand above the kids, watch they don't hurt themselves too much, let their interactions run their course.

Stand above this other mum and her irrationalities, unfairnesses, prejudices.

Just stand up and be yourself. Don't be fazed by any of it. Your kid will see that. So will many others. And it'll be admired and respected.

Karrisa - posted on 05/22/2013

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The only way is if the other parent says go ahead. Otherwise there has to be something to reason over. Time outs, taking important toys away.

Yaz - posted on 05/22/2013

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OH AND DON'T FORGET. Contact the mom of the child before she comes over and tell her the house rules and if her daughter doesn't follow the rules, leave clear that you'll have to call her to come and pick up her daughter. ♥ Listen to Maria Correa's advice! It's really good too!

Faith - posted on 05/22/2013

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Not to offend, but are you perhaps foreign to the country you're in? I only ask because if you are, it would explain a lot in why you are hesitant to cut ties with this woman. do you feel alone? do you not have other friends who are nice? no one can understand what you are going through or why you allow it to go on, but none of us should pass judgment but offer you support and advice. in saying that PLEASE do not let anyone treat your child like that! it is very important that you make sure your daughter knows she is worth much more than to be treated like that. it is up to us as parents to instill value into our children and give them the tools to be confident, kind and loving adults. this could be a perfect opportunity to teach her a life lesson :) PLEASE don't let her think this is how she deserves to be treated. good luck!

Maria - posted on 05/22/2013

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Wow.... First of all neither parent should yell or misjudge any child, your own or someone else's... We all have different parenting styles, some are easy going, some are more firm... When having play dates you as the host should set up rules ahead of time and let the parent know, day and time that is good for a play date and for how long...
Next u should let them know u work hard at keeping a neat home and your kids have rules and anyone visiting should respect the same rules, like removing shoes and eating at the table not running around etc... If the kids don't listen, are rude and the parents do t do much... You should have a talk with them, but there is nothing wrong with letting the kids not yelling speaking to them like a teacher, that in your house anyone that comes in removes shoes, etc,.. If they can't follow the rules this will be the first and last play date at your place...
I don't know what it's like to deal with girls, as I have 3 boys and they are very active especially when we have kids over for play dates.... But I am firm when need be when things are getting out of hand like jumping on the couches or throwing toys at each other, everything has limits... So far no parents have had issues, but then there was no yelling at any kid just firm voice and maybe an occasional reminder of a time out warning...
In this case the parents should talk and if you both can't agree on respecting each Other views on discipline it's time to make new friends....
It also sounds like the other child gets their way a lot... The balloon incident, I would not let it go, I would let that mother and child know u just don't take the balloon way from someone... If it got lost and both went on a hunt for a new ballon that should have been the one they should keep, and not argue... The other mother should have said that is the balloon u found that is the one u keep, or no ballon at all... Not right taking away the other balloon the friend got.
Also no offence but it sounds like you yourself put your child on a pedestal and only have negatives for the other child??? If u have that many issues time to get new friends and keep an open mind no one should be judged by how they follow rules, dance, play, etc.... We are all unique and different that's what makes the world so interesting :)!

Yaz - posted on 05/22/2013

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Prohibit the girl from coming to YOUR house. Oh and another thing. You should consider if the girl has a mental issue because if she does, yelling would be hurtful to her mom. Which would explain why her mom is so protective over her. MY SISTER FITS THAT GIRL'S DESCRIPTION (except she doesn't have a mental issue) AND I HONESTLY UNDERSTAND HOW YOU FEEL. Also it doesn't matter if you have a 4000 sqft home. Or if it's shiny. Or if your daughter gets straight A's.
Because a house like that I gotta admit is pretty neat but it doesn't define a person's heart, same thing with the shiny :-) ♥
Although I congratulate you for such a pretty home!
It's really good that your daughter get's straight A's! But that doesn't matter in this situation. Were basically looking at the problem of your daughter's so called "friend".
You need to talk it out with the girl's mom. NOW. Don't ask her if her daughter has a mental issue because that is an uncomfortable subject. Just talk to her about how you feel. And if the problem keeps on going, just explain to your daughter that people like that aren't friends. And that a real friend is someone who cares and respects you. Just treat people the way you want to be treated and if the problem continues, just don't relate to them anymore.

TIPS:
-If the mom starts acting respectful toward your daughter but her daughter isn't respectful ask her mom if she needs help with how to discipline the girl. That is if you think she'd feel comfortable. (I tell my stepmom how to dicsipline my sister)
-Put yourself in others' shoes
-If you respect yourself others will respect you
-Treat others the way you want to be treated
-(MOST IMPORTANT TIP) Talk to the mom and let her know the house rules before coming over and if the girl doesn't follow the rules, leave clear to her mom that she'll have to pick her up.

Sorry if I made this a bit to long. I'm a teenager but God gave me the wisdom to write this and hopefully it helps. And God will give you the wisdom to handle the situation. I hope this "article" helped you and God bless you!

Robertaingram - posted on 05/22/2013

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I think you are way to patient. You must stand up for your child or she will start thinking that she deserves to be treated this way.

Just say to your "friend" - Sorry, but this relationship is not really working.

You might need to find a way to help your daughter connect to another child, better alone that with a bad company :)

Cassie - posted on 05/22/2013

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I think it is time to end the relationship. It's not even a friendship at this point. It is better to have no friends then friends like that.

Ronnisha - posted on 05/22/2013

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Wow I read all the comments that the mom's gave. Some are nice some are not as nice.I think that all of them come from a good place. I think that the real issue is not your friend but the fact that you thought it was acceptable to let anyone talk to your daughter like that. You tell us how nice and wonderful your daughter is but how far is that going to get her. You have to I mean have to teach her to stand up for herself. I have a 7 year old and when she feels she is being miss treated she calls me to tell me what she feels someone has done to her. I then address it immediately and find out what is the problem. The balloon incident was too much and that little girl would not have gotten that balloon from my child. She would have still been crying. I am glad you decided to end this friendship it was not good for you or your child. In the end you have to look out for the best interest of your child and what is best for her.

Jillian - posted on 05/22/2013

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If your list of problems with this woman and her child is really this long, or longer,you need to move on. I would have stopped seeing these people a long time ago. Also, it's better for your daughter to not have friends, other than you and your family, than to have "friends" like that.

Kirsten - posted on 05/22/2013

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Why are you letting this woman and daughter treat your daughter this way? NO it is not OK for another parent to talk to your kids the way you are describing this one does. You mentioned your daughter has friends in the area you just don't hang out with the parents. I think its time to pass over these people and let your daughter hang out with the friends she likes and start spending time with them. Keeping these other people friends out of convenience for you is hurting your daughter.

Kaya - posted on 05/22/2013

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Why are you still allowing your child to hang out with these people ????? I certainly would not expose my daughter to verbal abuse from ANYONE " Time to set these losers aside !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Glenda - posted on 05/22/2013

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first of all, I dont understand why you are allowing this woman to yell at your child. You need to cut ties with her. Tell the kids they can play outside, not inside, and if that doesnt work, just let them go, you sound very upset over this, and I think its an easy fix. some people project their own misgivings onto others, and it sounds like she is one who does that, good luck, and DO NOT ALLOW HER TO YELL AT YOUR CHILD!!!!!!!!!!!!

User - posted on 05/22/2013

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Why are you still hanging out together.
I babysit and all parents seem to discpline different. It is hard. I know where you are coming from with the behaviour, I've seen the worst and best. I have noticed it starts with the parents. The child's behaviour is a reaction of her parent's discipline. For drama between girls man I can write a book. There will always be drama with females. From food to games, clothes to friends, and then boys. I here it all the time. I came to realize it is just girls. One day they will be mad at each other and the next best friends. The child isn't yours to discpline. If she is at your house ask her nicely to remove her shoes. I noticed you lol at her dancing. That was rude. The exercise is the most important with children now instead of sitting infront of computers. Nobody is better than anybody. We were created equal.

Lee - posted on 05/22/2013

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Hey, no one deserves to be disrespected like that. My advise, just walk away, you are exposing your smart princess to senseless, disrespectful people. Failure to walk away would be non- verbally teaching your child that it is okay for people make her a door mat, that it's fine to tolerate people's mischievous behaviour. Guess what? That may turn that smart girl to have low- self esteem. YOU AND YOUR DAUGHTER DESERVE BETTER THAN WHAT YOU ARE SETTLING FOR. You will find a friend with a daughter that are worthy of you. GET OUT ASAP!!!!!!!

Stacy - posted on 05/22/2013

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No one should talk poorly to another person's child. Ever. You are right to show patience to her child and your child. If you are reluctant to end your friendship due to a lack of companionship for your daughter, then you do need to stop the other Mom the next time she takes a scolding tone with your daughter. And, very politely look her in the eye, smile and say "I know I haven't ever said this to you before today. but, I am telling you now that I would like it if you would mind your tone and your manners when you speak to my child." As her Mother, you need to take into consideration what effect this is having on your daughter when you don't defend her. Consoling her after someone has hurt her shows her that you care enough to console her, but not enough to defend her. She needs you to show her that you will not ever put her in harms' way, and if you see that she is there, you will go through hell to get her out of there!!! Do NOT sit by and let someone speak badly to your child. That is a huge price to pay just for having someone to play with! If you know someone is doing wrong by your child, you need to stop it immediately. Otherwise, your child feels devalued. And, she feels like she is least important. And, avoiding conflict at the expense of her self-worth is an awful thing to do to her.

Sofia - posted on 05/22/2013

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are you in anyway obliged to remain 'friends' with this woman? if not, i really cant see why you continue with the friendship. this woman clearly shows no respect for you or your daughter. no, don't shout at her daughter - remove yourself and your daughter from the situation. then if the mother asks why you dont go out together or go round anymore, explain all of the above and say you are sick of having to console your daughter after being treated horribly by her daughter and that if she wants the friendship to carry on she must learn to say NO to her daughter and not let her have everything she wants just coz it makes her life easier as a mother.

Jackie - posted on 05/22/2013

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There is no need to "tell her off" but it is time to look elsewhere for another friend for your child.

The other (obnoxious) child may have undiagnosed learning disabilities or mental health issues. Rather than exposing yourself to the obvious anger and stress you feel after being in the company of this mother and child, I would look for new friends.

If you are feeling this stressed, you could become at risk of exploding at the mother & child or your own daughter. Imagine how it makes your daughter feel.

Make other plans and find new friends.

Maria - posted on 05/22/2013

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You keep calling them friends? It doesn't sound like the are much of friends! Talk to your daughter I would ask her if she likes being treated like that when she answers no you can say maybe we should not hang out with them as much? Maybe we should find some friends that will treat us nicer like we treat them. Then go find new friends! Side note I feel kids are growing up too fast and I feel the "sexy" dancing should be kept for junior high and up. Dance class is dance class you have to follow the lead however it can stay in class.

Seeta - posted on 05/22/2013

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I do think it's time you take matters into your own hands and keep your child away from her. You do not want this child and her mother to undo what you are trying to do with and for your child. That child and her mother needs a wake up call and unfortunaly it might be a little too late.
Good luck in whatever method you use to choose to handle the situation and mom keep doing what you do with your child, she sounds like an amazing little girl.

Gill - posted on 05/22/2013

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Know these things are always easier said than done but please, ditch your 'friend' for both your sake and your daughters, you both deserve better. As others have said, this is more than just different parenting styles and doubt it can be resolved (without group therapy and even then your so called friend would need to be self aware and willing to change!). On a general note, I agree with Jennifer Cannon Nicholls' comments re dangerous or disrespectful comments warranting clear but non aggressive/accusing intervention. Have a group of friends in both my 8 and 5yr old boys class and we all feel comfortable adopting this approach and the kids all accept and respond well to this. Know we are lucky. Hope you and your daughter find equally kind and supportive friends..:-)

Becky - posted on 05/22/2013

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I suggest you keep your daughter away from her.
I have told my friends children off when they are doing something wrong. My friends with children know that its my house, my rules which I also expect my daughter to abide by. I dont shout, I will ask nicely twice and tell them its a final warning before being sat on the step for 2 minutes. They can then come off and play.

If I am at a friends house I will tell their children off if they are not around and they do something wrong.

I would discipline them in the exact same way I do my daughter, no different.

Ashley - posted on 05/22/2013

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It sounds to me like this women is not a very good friendIf she has a problem with your daughter she should be talking to you about it not your daughter directly especially if she feels discipline is in order. In fact, it sounds like she gets pleasure from making your daughter feel bad, which more than likely is a result at her unhappiness with her own life and child's behavior but is not a valid excuse for making your daughter feel bad. If I were in this situation I would not be spending time with this women any longer.

Jensacutie - posted on 05/22/2013

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As a parent and a therapist, I will correct a friends child if I see them doing something dangerous or disrespectful. I don't try to enforce my rules on anyone else, but if I see a child doing something dangerous I will calmly say, "let's not do that because it is dangerous and someone might get hurt." If the kids are fighting or being rude I will sometimes say, "it's not nice to talk to people like that and if you all can not talk/play nicely together, then we will leave." I'm not try to be judgmental orean just simply stating my expectations. My friends don't mind either. What you're friend is doing is wrong and it's mean. I agree you need to cut your losses. Would you let your friend talk to you like that? I'm guessing no so why let her talk to your child like that? By maintaining the friendship you are kinda telling your daughter that this kind of behavior is ok.

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