Is it okay to feel like you might be replaced?

Adrienne - posted on 12/31/2013 ( 3 moms have responded )




Recently my ex-husband decided to move in with his girlfriend of 2 months. She has 2 children and I have 2 children. I know that my kids love me and that I am a great mom, but I am having some issues with feeling that this woman might replace me and consider this woman a mother figure. I have a great deal of fear about this. Is this normal or am I completely out to lunch. I am happy for my ex but I just don't like all these feelings.


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Simone - posted on 01/01/2014




I think your feelings around this are perfectly natural. I remember the first time my exhusband took our children on a family holiday with his new wife...... I was devastated. Still the situation is as it is and nothing will be gained by you fighting it. How much the children take to this new partner depends on many things especially their age and her attitude. I would imagine she will also have mixed feelings about co parenting your children. Would it be possible for you to communicate your concerns directly to this girlfriend?
However most importantly you will always be the only mum your children ever have and that counts for a lot in my book. Just try not to let your anxiety around this affect your children in anyway. They should not have to feel disloyal when they visit their dad and interact with his girlfriend. And whether they come home complaining about her or her kids, OR telling you what a wonderful time they had together.... Take a deep breath and give them a hug, and tell them you love them. Oh and counselling and meditation might help you deal with this situation as gracefully as possible. Good luck!

Jodi - posted on 12/31/2013




Well, the chances are they WILL consider her a mother figure in their life if this becomes a permanent relationship. But she certainly won't replace you. One way to look at it is that your children know who their mother is, this woman may be just someone else in their life who can help support them and love them. I think we need to sometimes look at it as how lucky our children are to have someone else in their life that loves them.

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