Is it okay to keep the dad away from the children in this situation?

Amber - posted on 05/17/2013 ( 2 moms have responded )

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I have a three year old and a one year old. Their father and I don't really get along. He's not really a bad person but our relationship was horrible. He was mentally abusive and very controlling. He didn't change a diaper or help out around the house at all during our last year together. We were both horribly depressed. He seems better now and I know I am. He seems like he is pretty good to the kids when he CAN be. I usually have to supply diapers, food, clothes and transportation, but it is a weekend off. But his mother is, I believe, the reason he had all these emotional problems to begin with. She is a VERY manipulative person. She lies all the time about everything. She has cussed me out several times for no reason in the past. She treats me like crap. At that point I told Chris that I wasn't dealing with her anymore. If he wanted to let his mother see them she can but only on his time because I wasn't going to subject myself to her craziness any more. He agreed. I stopped taking them to his mother's house which was a problem for her since Chris has no car to take them there and I was really the only way she was able to see the children regularly. She could still see them when her boyfriend would drive her to see them but he didn't do that much. I don't know why. Anyways she called CPS on me out of spite. After that I decided that if she was going to try to hurt my family just out of spite then she didn't need to be around the children at all. Before this she tried to discussing getting full custody of Lucas, not his younger brother, with Chris. He was appalled and told me about it and I told him she didn't need to be around them anymore. He agreed. We got in an argument the other day and I asked him if she has seen them and he wouldn't answer. So I think he must be lying and she has seen them at his discretion. I got mad and told him the kids aren't going up there again. I'm afraid she will teach Lucas to say something like "Mommy touches me" or "mommy hits me." Sometimes I feel like I am doing this out of spite but at the same time, i feel like my kids don't need to be around this horrible woman or her son who obviously can't say no to her. Now he is saying he wouldn't answer just because he wanted to piss me off. I have no idea what to believe. He lies a lot about all kinds of things. I don't have money for a lawyer so that's out of the question. I need your opinions and suggestions!! Letting them around her is NOT an option.

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Dani - posted on 05/17/2013

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I fully understand your situation.
Sounds like he needs to grow up and stop letting his mom control his life.
Is there a legal aid near you? I'd definitely just even call a lawyer and get some quick advice. Make sure to document everything that goes on, if anything does happen you have things to help your case.
My heart does go out to you, this isn't an easy thing to deal with. I wish you all the best of luck!!

Dove - posted on 05/17/2013

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If he takes you to court for visitation he could, potentially, end up with 50/50 custody... You can document everything that his mother says/does and try and use that in court to keep HER away from the kids, but if you deny HIM his access to his kids and he takes you to court.... it probably won't go well for you.

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