Is it okay to welcome anewborn empty handed?

West - posted on 10/26/2012 ( 17 moms have responded )

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Me and my husband have had 3 kids together and I have one due in December. With the exception of one in law everyone in his family shows up empty handed ( no they didn't buy anything earlier). I'm not saying for them to buy a layette or a big ticket item, but anything; a bottle,bib,card, balloon any one dollar item. I told my husband if they come to the hospital empty handed this time. I'm RUDELY kicking them out. Am I wrong in expecting this

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Jazmyne - posted on 10/26/2012

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I would have to agree with Dove. I'm sorry. It's a nice gesture however I don't think it should be mandated, 'give my child something or else get the heck out'. To me that sounds a little rude. And in reply to your comment, It's ok to breath germs on your child if they have a gift, but not if they don't? Germs are germs. Doesn't matter if they come empty handed or not. And for just being born how could your child appreciate said gift anyways?

Dove - posted on 10/26/2012

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Yes. Sure, it's a nice gesture to bring something, but when did it become mandatory to expect a gift for ANY reason or consider the person rude? Personally I think it is rude and presumptious (I know that's not spelled right) when anyone 'expects' a gift... for any reason.

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Jazmyne - posted on 10/29/2012

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Your welcome. If there is anything you ever do need, hit me up :) Im sure I can spare a few things.

West - posted on 10/27/2012

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I have everything I need for him thank you so much. That's why I'm only talking about small things like a card, a bib, a bottle something not expensive at all. If I was in need Id go to my local church. I just couldn't go see someone in my family give birth and I not give some sort of gift even a small dollar store toy, or even a handmade card saying welcome I love you. But thank you so much

Jazmyne - posted on 10/27/2012

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I can send you a few outfits and diapers if that helps any. My son is 9 months old and he has outgrown most of his clothes :)

West - posted on 10/27/2012

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I told him and he was like " she has to be there she's the grandma" I told him its whatever he said its how his family is. I just was upset because she gets hurt if we're late with her birthday, mothers day, or Christmas gift, yet she has never gotten my kids anything. She is a hoarder, so she doesnt even have to buy anything she already has a ton of unopened toys. I've decided not to say anything and be glad I have friends who care and me and my husband can provide I just feel bad when I leave the hospital and I see all these moms loaded with flowers and balloons and I have nothing. My family and friends live out of state so his family is the one who can make it. But my bestir is comming up this time so I'm happy.

Jazmyne - posted on 10/27/2012

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I realize i only posted a day ago, but how did the talk with your hubby go? Does he agree with you? I'm sorry your going through this and if there is anyother way I can help you send me a PM. I sincerelly hope things get better for you mama. I know with the horomones you are having, things can get a little hairy, but keep you head up :) I'm sure you aren't the only one going through this, and plenty of moms can relate. However they just haven't shown up on your feed yet.

West - posted on 10/27/2012

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The point was to be rude. I'm no referring to any of my friends or my side of the family just these particular three people The grandma, the uncle and aunt an another uncle. They have never done anything for my kids or even got them a Christmas present but Ive gotten their kids presents for every holiday. And my MIL I've gotten her Christmas, mothers day, and birthday presents. I feel like them being there only when the baby is born isn't enough. I'd prefer they not come. I am well aware this is rude. It's rude to give presents to your other grandkids but not mine.

Nikki - posted on 10/26/2012

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I think that you are being rude too, I understand that it is nice to receive gifts but having family and friends around to welcome your baby into the world is more important. It seems as if you have underlying issues with your inlaws.

West - posted on 10/26/2012

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I just feel like if they only want to view my child they should wait til we're home or at a gathering don't show up that one time in their life and then never again. But I'm done venting

West - posted on 10/26/2012

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They probably wouldn't show if I did. A stranger threw me a shower for our first child and none of them got her anything. I'm just fed up with them. I give up I can buy everything I need for the baby I just feel like a one dollar item once would be nice. But I'm not gonna gripe at them I'll tell my husband and see how he feels.

Jazmyne - posted on 10/26/2012

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Your welcome Glad I could help :) and good luck with everything. (however I don't think its unreasonable to throw a baby shower for a boy since he is your first)

West - posted on 10/26/2012

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Great suggestion Jazmyne, I guess it hit me hard this time cause I'm having a boy and don't have any "boy" items. I think I'm just gonna tell my husband not to call them when I go in for my surgery cause I don't really want to request anything from them. I'm not going I be rude because you are right I don't want to bring hostility onto his family. I just feel like they're inspecting my baby and that's it. Thanks for the posts

Jazmyne - posted on 10/26/2012

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I guess I can't really argue with you. Since I don't have a 'regular family' I can't say what family does. I can see how you want your child to have 'mementos' but couldn't you or your husband request that they bring something?

Send out an email and say "We are expecting ______ on __________, and we would be really grateful if you could bring xyz for the baby. It doesn't have to be spendy, anything would be welcome we just want to celebrate the birth of ________ and would be Delighted if you could come. So far we are in need of xyz" or "We would like to request that in light of flu season, we wait to celebrate the birth of _______ until the date of _______ for fear of spreading germs" and see if that clears the situation of this up. However I don't think you should fight tit for tat. That only brings hostility into the family.

West - posted on 10/26/2012

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My baby would appreciate the bottle, paci when they get older they would appreciate the mementos from their birth. You are right germs are germs but I probably wouldn't be so upset if they did the same to other relatives and if they ever got them a Christmas present, birthday present, or anything. These people are the grandma, uncle, aunts. I feel like they're just coming to see if the baby looks like my husband, take free things from the hospital then leave and NEVER give the child anything. I have given their children Christmas, birthday an even Easter gifts. So at this point I am being down right rude. I know it's rude to do this that's why I'm doing it. They have never babysat or anything else "family" does.

West - posted on 10/26/2012

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I feel it's rude to be the baby's blood family NEVER have gotten any of the kids ANYTHING yet you wanna come in my hospital room breathing your germs all over my newborn just to see what he/she looks like. I'd prefer if they don't come and see my child at a later date. If they came my home a few weeks later I wouldn't care but to have NEVER gotten my kids ANYTHING is rude

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