is it something im not doing right?

[deleted account] ( 23 moms have responded )

I have a 17 month old son and he will not listen to me for anything. when i tell him no he looks back at me with this look like what are you going to do about it.

on another subject, with him being 17 months old im worrying about his words, all he says is ball and da da and that is only when he wants to say it. I even bought that "your baby can read" for those of you who know who know what im talking about and he wants no part in it now. is it something im doing wrong or not doing at all? should i get him help?
please someone help me....

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Karla - posted on 12/13/2009

9

20

0

Have you talked to your pediatrician? All babies are different--the basic developmental signs are about 5-20 words by 18 months old, repeating words you say (or trying to) over and over and responding appropriately to friendly or angry tones. I wouldn't be too worried since he has 2 words at 17 months, but you could talk to your pediatrician just the same. Also, you should probably be able to tell if his receptive language is better (able to tell what you are saying if not respond verbally). You may want to think about getting several picture books (with real photos of everyday things in his life) and pull them out frequently, repeating a lot of the words and also naming and showing him things around your house and in your community as you encounter, use or see them.



As for time-out, the key in how you present it. A child that young will not understand the concept of "punishment" or "lecturing", but they will respond to the removal of attention. A good rule is 1 minute per year of the child's age (1 minute for a one-year old, 2 minutes for a 2 year old, etc--after about age 10, time-out is much less effective).



Time out is basically time away from reinforcment of the unwanted behavior. Reinforcement means anything that might increase the likelihood of the behavior re-occurring--basically anything that "builds up" a behavior. So if he is getting attention from you (and many times kids do not care if the attention is postive or negative) he may continue the behavior just to get the attention.

I do agree that it is a good idea to explain in very simple words what you are doing, like, "Mommie is putting you in time-out until you calm down." But then, completely withdraw attention. Put him in his playpen or crib for about one minute with NO attention, no talking, no watching. No more than 2 minutes. At the end of that time, go back and completely change the activity you were doing before placing him in the time-out. When he does good things, give lots of praise and tell him that you like when he does so and so.



I do at 2 minute time-out with my daughter (who is almost 20 months old) when she is throwing a tantrum--removing her from the situation, placing her in her crib or pack and play and remove all attention for 2 minutes. I do let her have her books or toys that are already in the pack n play, but do not give her anything extra. She usually calms down within a minute and a half and starts babbling to herself and looking at her books. Sometimes I hate to take her out of there, because she gets to be so content, but I praise her for calming down and then we go do something else.



Good luck! I am sure your son is fine, he is not developmentally way off track, but do talk to your pediatrician.

Lindsey - posted on 12/13/2009

54

12

1

As far as not listening to "no" children, even babies need consequences to learn. I am not saying punishment, but consequences. If you say no, give him a chance to do the right thing. Then say I said no and insert appropriate consequence. For example, my son started hitting people in the face. I would tell him no. If he did it again, I would say I said no and put him down. He would cry. I would count to 10 (in my head) and pick him up again. If he did it again, down he would go. After about a week he started to get it and his behavior changed. If he is touching something he isn't supposed to- repeat both phrases then remove him from situation (even if it's only a few feet) then repeat until he gets it. The most important thing is to find something you are comfortable with and stick to it. My Mom told me when my son was born- As a parent we must learn to choose our battles, but when we do, we have to be willing to die on the hill. Consistency is key. If you think he will respond to timeout, try it. ( I heard one minute equal to child's age) But choose appropriate consequences for each behavior you don't like and follow through. They learn by testing us, and it's better to earn their respect now.

As far as speech... spend 10 minutes twice a day working on a new skill. (or something to that effect) But don't stress! I heard boys especially can be delayed in this area. If you have true concerns, talk to his dr. But I'm sure before you know it he'll be talking your ear off! Best of luck to you!

Stefanie - posted on 12/12/2009

364

13

43

17 months is too young, according to experts, for them to understand time out. IMO, it is best to say it once and if he doesn't listen then remove him from the area yourself and redirect. This is just my experience from using it on my kids though.

23 Comments

View replies by

Megan - posted on 12/14/2009

231

39

17

My daughter is 4 and I still say huh? A lot of what she says I have to be like say it again, what say it again, lol....for the most part I can understand her but some things I don't know what she is saying and when I figure it out it doesn't sound like it at all lol!

Carly - posted on 12/14/2009

105

11

20

"he looks back at me with this look like what are you going to do about it. "

That's because he DOES wonder what you're going to do about it lol :-) He is learning about cause and effect, and what is the most sure-fire way to get Mummy's attention. I agree with praising the good behaviour and distracting him away from the unwanted behaviour.

Try not to worry too much about his speech. Talking is only one part of using language. Does he seem to understand what you say? Does he follow simple instructions like "bring your shoes to Mummy" etc? If you say "it's time for breakfast" does he go to his highchair and wait for you because he knows that's where breakfast happens? My son understands most of what we say to him, he just hasn't developed to saying things himself yet. It will come in time.

Megan - posted on 12/14/2009

231

39

17

just a baby being a baby...very frustrating but honey it just gets worse and then they start really talking back..lol :) hang in there!! If you think something may be wrong with him you may want to ask your doctor but he is only 17 months so give him time on the talking thing!

Rachael - posted on 12/14/2009

29

0

3

Hi....I have a 22 mths old, I've tried everything for him, and nothing is working. It makes me feel a little better to know I'm not the only one out there with the same problem. He ignores everything he is told and also only speaks limited words... He says Daddy, only just started to say Mummy. He also says yes and has just started to say "see you later", go figure.. He has been to the speach therapist who said they don't even worry about children not speaking till they are into their two's... Hope that eases your mind a little.

Lynda - posted on 12/13/2009

10

5

0

Hang in there at 17 months it's a whole new world to explore and so much to do... no time to listen to restrictions... but discipline is needful as other posts have pointed out win the battle with the toddlers in respect and obedience and the teen battle goes much easier. If he understands all of what you a telling him, he will speak when he is ready and when he is four you will wish he would be quiet and stop asking questions so much!!!

Jamie - posted on 12/13/2009

1

0

0

The subconscious mind blocks the words "no", "don't" & "can't". One thing my husband and I do with our son who is almost 2 1/2 is to phrase things in the positive. Instead of saying "don't color on the wall", we say "color on the paper". As the subconscious mind hears " ...color on the wall" with the first example. Phrase as much as you can in the positive.

Becky - posted on 12/13/2009

4

34

0

Toddlers his age usually use about 25-50 words. He is still young and while he understands "no", he is testing the obundaries. The best thing is to say"no" and remove him from the situation. Children his age don't "obey" necessarily. Distract him and get his attention on something else.

Rebecca - posted on 12/13/2009

3

11

0

We have a 19 month old and there are two areas he is drawn to...the computer and the entertainment center. We can say no a thousand time...do timeouts....even a swat on the butt from time to time and still he doesn't listen. He knows he is doing something wrong but he has to keep testing. Just be patient....I think the battle has just begun. And know we are all in it.

[deleted account]

Hun, there is nothing wrong with him except he is testing you. This is when you set boundaries. No is No and there are no negotiations, period. So there have to be consequences. Not many toddlers speak in full words or sentences at this age. They are still trying to connect the wiring in their brains that help them form words. So when he wants something tell him to show you what he wants and say Oh Milk, Oh your ball. The more you talk to him in simple sentences the better. As for that baby can read now NO NO NO. That is so wrong and so bad. Children are not meant to read at this age and the process the brain is supposed to go through should not be pushed. They lose interest when it comes time for them to read in school. Seen it happen. Read to him every day, different books, the same books. Pop up books are great at this age because they make the story more alive. Talk to him all the time. Just don't ask him to repeat it, when he is ready he will and then you will wonder why you were in a rush to get him to talk when he doesn't stop talking.

Katherine - posted on 12/13/2009

65,420

232

5193

Quoting Katherine:

That is a bunch of *******. My God the child is still a 'baby' They don't have the capacity to control their impulses at that age. There is 100% NOTHING wrong with him. My nephew will be 2 12/29-----doesn't talk and just started walking. We as parents have set way too high of expectations on our kids, and society is to blame. It IS OK!! Your baby is normal, and remember he is STILL just that. We are around them so much we tend to forget that they are just little human beings and they are learning.


The bunch of ***** was referring to teaching a baby how to read very very early(it's been researched and found to have no influence one way or another)  My family is very hard on the kids so my reaction was a bit strong......sorry.  The discipline part is what I meant by the impulse control.  Guess I was all over the place, sleep deprived, again sorry :)

Katherine - posted on 12/13/2009

65,420

232

5193

Quoting Kelsey:



Quoting Katherine:

That is a bunch of *******. My God the child is still a 'baby' They don't have the capacity to control their impulses at that age. There is 100% NOTHING wrong with him. My nephew will be 2 12/29-----doesn't talk and just started walking. We as parents have set way too high of expectations on our kids, and society is to blame. It IS OK!! Your baby is normal, and remember he is STILL just that. We are around them so much we tend to forget that they are just little human beings and they are learning.






Woah!!!! I was NOT saying there is anything wrong whith her son! Where is this aggression coming from?! In fact I said very clearly there was nothing wrong with him. I just wanted her to know that teaching them that actions have reactions, and using positive discipline was something reccomended at that age. Yes, he is a baby. Babies also need to learn to become toddlers and so on. He is right on the border of when they say to start giving time outs. Thats all I was saying. Just because a kid gets a timeout for not listening doesnt mean there is something wrong with them. Time outs if done correctly are only positive. If you arent going to dicipline your kids they wont learn what they need to learn in order to be a happy healthy person. Discipline is not a negative thing. WOW!





I was responding to the OP, not you, since you were the last one to post it sent you a notification.

Karyn - posted on 12/13/2009

2

4

0

Hello all

I agree with Kim about giving babies reasons as to why you have said no or why they shouldn't touch things etc. Simple instructions can work very well from a really early age and I think not only help with the development of their language but also help eradicate any potential frustration that may start to build up as they get older. I also found with my son that when they are young to try and keep the rules simple so whatever it is you are saying no to is for a good reason i.e. it may hurt them or others rather than give them too many things to cope with, then as they get older and gain a better understanding of the things around them and social behaviour more rules can be given as needed with the same logic and reasons applied. My son will be 3 in a few months and thankfully we have been lucky with him listening to us and having very few frustration tantrums, and in fact if he does react badly to something it is usually because he hasn't been given any idea why he is not allowed to do something or why something has been labelled as naughty. I also found that emphathising with your child can have a surprisingly positive effect even at a really young age, such as saying I know you really want that and that it makes you sad, etc. It sounds really rubbish but sometimes they can just want a bit of sympathy rather than rules.

With regards to using timeouts, we never did until he was at least two and in fact only have done once or twice only when he is unable to listen to a calm reason, and this is not for punishment, more for giving him space to calm down so he can digest what is happening. However my sister did use them with her son from approx. 13 months as he was very energetic and would hit out at other children or adults in which case they have to learn that this is really not acceptable.
If you are sure your 'no's' are always reasonable and it is not something you are not frequently saying then maybe try and apply reason and see how it goes. If you believe that your son may need timeouts because his behaviour is quite excessive such as hitting or dangerous, then go for it as I know it can be quite effective, however if he is just not listening to you then maybe try some different tactics first, such as distraction, praise for listening when being good and rewards for exceptional behaviour etc.

Good luck xx

[deleted account]

Hate to tell you - but that selective listening thing doesnt stop. All you can do is be consistant with messages and consequences and hopefully it just wont happen anywhere near as often :)

Kim - posted on 12/13/2009

18

1

0

i didn't use time-outs for my little girl. at that age (and this worked for me) when she tried to do something i didn't want her to, i would tell her not to, and go on to explain briefly the reason why. i know it's very young, but sometimes we don't give babies/toddlers enough credit for being intelligent and able to understand reason. as an example - if she picked up a glass, i would say 'please put that back because it's glass and if it breaks it might cut you'. they can process and understand this. very soon, she was telling me to be careful & to put things back 'because' etc, etc,

your son is 17 months, definitely old enough to understand consequences and reason. maybe he will consider 'no' if he knows the reason for it. good luck.

Kelsey - posted on 12/13/2009

842

36

30

Quoting Katherine:

That is a bunch of *******. My God the child is still a 'baby' They don't have the capacity to control their impulses at that age. There is 100% NOTHING wrong with him. My nephew will be 2 12/29-----doesn't talk and just started walking. We as parents have set way too high of expectations on our kids, and society is to blame. It IS OK!! Your baby is normal, and remember he is STILL just that. We are around them so much we tend to forget that they are just little human beings and they are learning.



Woah!!!! I was NOT saying there is anything wrong whith her son! Where is this aggression coming from?! In fact I said very clearly there was nothing wrong with him. I just wanted her to know that teaching them that actions have reactions, and using positive discipline was something reccomended at that age. Yes, he is a baby. Babies also need to learn to become toddlers and so on. He is right on the border of when they say to start giving time outs. Thats all I was saying. Just because a kid gets a timeout for not listening doesnt mean there is something wrong with them. Time outs if done correctly are only positive. If you arent going to dicipline your kids they wont learn what they need to learn in order to be a happy healthy person. Discipline is not a negative thing. WOW!

Katherine - posted on 12/12/2009

65,420

232

5193

That is a bunch of *******. My God the child is still a 'baby' They don't have the capacity to control their impulses at that age. There is 100% NOTHING wrong with him. My nephew will be 2 12/29-----doesn't talk and just started walking. We as parents have set way too high of expectations on our kids, and society is to blame. It IS OK!! Your baby is normal, and remember he is STILL just that. We are around them so much we tend to forget that they are just little human beings and they are learning.

Kelsey - posted on 12/12/2009

842

36

30

I dont think there is anything wrong with you or him, I think he just isnt interested in communicating with words quite yet. When hes ready he will start talking more. Are you giving him timeouts for not listening? I used to work at a couple daycares and once they went to the toddler room about your sons age) they got timeouts. When he doesnt listen to you, I would look at him with a disappointed look on your face and explain to him that mommy says no, and if he doesnt listen to mommy he will go to timeout. Then remove him from the situation. If he goes right back to the naughty thing put him in time out for a couple minutes. No matter how many times he gets up put him right back till he can sit there for a couple. When hes done with his timeout say thank you for listening to mommy and find him a new activity. Im sure you probobly know all this but just wanted to reassure you that it is okay to put him in timeout. He isnt too young. Diciplining him now will make him a happier more respectful child now and later on. Good luck!

Stefanie - posted on 12/12/2009

364

13

43

Sounds like a normal toddler to me. He's still a "baby" learning how things work. He can't learn proper order without testing the boundary waters.

As far as him talking, he's still within normal range. When a child is focusing on one milestone they may lack slightly in another area but catch up later. Give him time.

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms