Is it time to cut the apron strings and send my sons to live with their dad???????

Aliza - posted on 03/17/2013 ( 2 moms have responded )

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This might be long winded but please stick with me!!!
I'm a single mum and I'm going crazy!!!
I had my first son at 17 and my other at 20, by the age of 20 I was doing it on my own (although they did go to their dads every second weekend, but he never financial supported them) I've spent most of my life raising my sons, they are now 19 and 20.
There not bad boys i.e there not verbally abusive (they don't swear, well not in front of me anyway) but they do constantly call each other idiot or fool and other belittling names way too many to list, there not violent, they don't do drugs or steal or anything like that, they both go college and work part time, My youngest son is off to Uni this September, friends and family say I'm blessed and so lucky to have them, my eldest has even been called the perfect son and in many ways he is but for the last 5 years or even more he has this attitude that his the head of the house, they both constantly undermine me and completely disregard what I say I feel like I'm becoming a nagging old hag and I'm only 38.
We argue all the time, over stupid little things, they don't swear but they argue back and refuse to back down, the arguments always end with one of us just walking away and I'm always the one to apologize first just to stop the negative vibes in the house and because I feel so bad that I shouted at them, I tell them I love them and we need to find a better way to communicate, we kiss and hug but the same thing happens again. They both don't take me seriously at all, its like an endless battle or a continuous power struggle and I'm just fed up, I love them dearly but sometimes I actually feel like I hate them. We even argue over the T.V as they always want to watch football which seems to be on all the time especially when I want to watch something and I always back down and let them watch the stupid football.
They do contribute financially when they can, but money is not the issue here.
I also have a 9 year old daughter from a different marriage that didn't work, 8 months ago my daughter was diagnosed with Leukemia and has regular Chemo this treatment will last until November 2014. My eldest constantly teases his sister which isn't helpful or productive in any way, when I tell him to stop he just tells me not to get involved at that point I want to smack him, when I get angry they both either laugh condescendingly or moan about the sound of my voice, at this point I want to jump out the window or whack both there heads together. The constant arguing is not healthy for my daughter and is a terrible example.
They always have an opinion on everything I do, I don't date and haven't dated for over 5 years as its just too awkward and my eldest son is always checking up on me. They come and go as they please coming home anytime they like, I don't mind as its the only time I get some peace and to be honest its the only time I get on with my eldest son, usually because his had a couple of drinks and is a little chilled.
3 weeks ago it was my 38 birthday, my eldest son didn't even get me a card when I said to him a card would have been nice, he freaked out and was really rude. We argued but this time I didn't say sorry, I wanted to see what he would do, well 3 weeks later and we are still not talking, he walks around the house all moody and grumpy and its driving me insane.
When I have told them to go to their dads they basically roll their eyes at me and never take me seriously but now I've had enough and I feel its time for them to either move out or live with their father otherwise I'm going to go mental. I need to prioritize my daughter, the only problem is my sons don't want to go and its not because they cant stand there dad as they seem to have a good relationship with him, its just they wont have as much freedom there as they do here and they cant huff and puff as there father will put them in there place. And also because he lives in a different area that's not so convenient for them to chill with their friends. I also want my life back, is that wrong ?? And why do I feel so guilty?? After all they are grown arsed men right??

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Michelle - posted on 03/17/2013

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Well they are adults and it's about time they started acting like it. If they don't want to go to their Father's then tell them it's time they moved out. If they can't respect your rules in your house then they need to go. You wouldn't out up with it from a flatmate so why put up with it from your children?

Give them a set time that they are to be out though, don't let it just drag on. Tell they they are to live by YOUR rules in YOUR house or get out in the next month. Stand your ground as well and hopefully they will either buck up and take you seriously or move out and have to fend for themselves.

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Aliza - posted on 03/19/2013

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Thank you Michelle for taking the time to read and respond to my post. I've decided that I cant take their lack of respect for me anymore and have to put my foot down, My daughter needs me to be at my strongest right now, I mean for gods she's fighting Cancer she doesn't need to be fighting with her brother's as well or watching me fight with her brothers continuously. So I packed their stuff, my eldest came and was surprised to see his belongings all packed for him, he didn't like it, i tried to explain to him but he told me not to speak to him and just took his stuff and walked out the house. Never mind i suppose this is why they call it kicking them out the nest, I tell you what though it really does hurt, but tough love is needed right now for both them and myself.

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