is it true what is said about marriages that last over 5yrs
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Rachel - posted on 02/19/2010
I'm curious why you are asking? Are you hoping it will get easier or something? Marriage is never easy. It is a commitment. It is something we choose to live every day. Some days are better than others, but there is no such thing as happily ever after! :)
The important thing is not how long you've been together, but how committed each person is to the relationship. Without commitment - the commitment to work through disagreements, the commitment to love when the other person is driving you crazy, the commitment to understand even when you don't want to, the commitment to press through challenges as a team instead of allowing hardships to fragment you and pit you against eachother, the commitment to choose unconditional love over emotional love. These kinds of things, from both partners, will make a marriage joyful regardless of circumstances and help you make it through the challenging times.
(P.S. Celebrating 8 yrs of marriage and 10 hrs of being together this year. :))
Jayme - posted on 02/19/2010
I have been married for almost 20 years!! (In March)
Divorce rates are high for the first 5 years. But just because you've made it past the 5 year mark, don't necessarily mean you won't get a divorce.
If 2 people really love each other, it will work out. I love my husband more and more every day. But the kind of love we have was not their when we first got married. This kind of love we have is the kind that has to grow and keep on growing. I am not at my peak of the love I have for him. I know this, because as each year passes, I think about how much I love him and it's even more than it was the year before.
The only advice I have to a long successful marriage, is to remember that men and women have a different outlook about certain things. This has always and will always be. Sometimes agree to disagree. No matter the circumstance (providing it's not in an abusive way) always love him or her. With each argument, make that love grow stronger.
Number one key term is........Communication. Understand one another. and love one another.
Catherine - posted on 02/18/2010
FYI it is said that most couples who make it over 5yrs have less divorce rates. i think this is because both are tired of pretending by the second year and all is left is compromise. i also believe that marriage is a bed of roses all you need to do is bandage up after the thorn pricks and heal, then stop and smell the roses.
Dusty - posted on 02/18/2010
I look at it this way, if 2 people really love each other, nothing will come between them! Nor will they just get a divorce over anything. But there are exceptions on to getting a divorce. For example, abuse or anything like that. Couples are going to argue, have disagreements from time to time, and that is normal. But like I said if they really do love each other, they'll work things out no matter what!
Judy - posted on 02/18/2010
I found this at http://www.divorcereform.org/rates.html
"Marriages are most susceptible to divorce in the early years of marriage. After 5 years, approximately10 % of marriages are expected to end in divorce - another 10 % (or 20 % cumulatively) are divorced by about the tenth year after marriage. However, the 30% level is not reached until about the 18th year after marriage while the 40% level is only approached by the 50th year after marriage."
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Jane - posted on 07/05/2011
What do they say about marriages that last over five years?
I was married for 21 years when my husband died, leaving me a widow with two teenagers. He did tell me a few months before his death that the past 20 years were the best of his life. And I must admit that most of our big problems were solved by our 5th anniversary, not that we had really huge problems any way.
My parents have been married for 61 years. I think they had a rough spot somewhere around year 18 but they still hold hands and flirt now.
My brother's first marriage lasted three years, his second 14 years, and his third ten years. His first marriage never should have happened - they were both nice people but totally incompatible. His second marriage seemed good and he thought it was but at year 12 his wife began a secret affair that culminated in her demanding a divorce 2 years later. And the divorce and it's aftermath have been dreadful. His third marriage seems to be the best of all in spite of their poor finances.
So what do they say about year 5?
Yalana - posted on 07/05/2011
If you are speaking of the idea that marriages get better after the first 5 years, no. From my experience, my marriage got worse after the 5th year. My ex had lost 2 jobs, his drinking got worse and he became more abusive as his drinking got worse. He nearly choked me to death right in front of our oldest son on a couple of occasions. His favorite thing to do was hit me in the head (I've had 4 concussions in my life, so it wasn't hard to knock me out with a few swift blows to the head). We had bought and move into a house during our 5th year together, which I believe progressed the downfall of our marriage. The house ended up needing more work than we were told, and each year our payment went up. He would blame me for not having enough money to pay the mortgage and actually told me if it came down to paying the mortgage or feeding the kids to pay the mortgage...he would get his parents to feed the kids eventually.
Lucy - posted on 02/21/2010
How ever long you have been together, or married, being prepared to work at it and value what you have is the key to longevity.
My husband and I have been together for 13 years, married for 6 and now have 2 gorgeous kids. Of course we have had rough patches, but have always remained open and communicating, even if the other person doesn't want to hear it!
It may sound a bit cheesy, but in all the busy chaos of family life we make sure that each day we give each other at least one compliment, at least one kiss and go out on a proper date every fortnight. These things help us to remember why we are together in the first place, and remind us we are a couple as well as mum and dad!
Jan - posted on 02/21/2010
Are you happy? And have you asked your husband recently if he is still happy? It doesn't matter what the statistics are, this is obviously something that is concerning you, and to ask the question your marriage possibly isn't as good as you would like it to be. Try doing the stuff you did in the first year of marriage or when you were just dating, bring a little life back into it if things have become a bit dull and routine. :-)
Susan - posted on 02/21/2010
well I've been married for almost 36 years so I reckon I gotta agree girls,Its worth working at it and holding on to what you got cos I don't think the grass i any greener at the other side of the fence (as they say) it can be hard work but I love my husband as muc h if not more than I did at 21 .
Erin - posted on 02/20/2010
why would u even worry or think about such a thing? if u luv them and there great with ur kidsand family and r not abusive then there's no thought into it.u grow together. they say, "two hearts beat as one"! that was what i had our wedding invites say and it's true to this day 3 years later.ive been with my man for 6 years and married 3 so there's no doubt in my mind that i want to grow old with my husband.i want to accomplish 60 years like my grandparents r now.they r so cute togehter at that age! ;)
Angela - posted on 02/20/2010
I kind of heard that its not really the specific years that matter but how you handle transitions. Most of my friends struggled the most after they had baby 2 and when other major life changes occur... like kids leaving the nest.... career changes.... value changes... etc
Melissa - posted on 02/19/2010
I don't know ! I think to many people give up without really trying (some not all) My husband and i went to marriage counseling and it really helped! I realized some things i was doing wrong to. I believe in "weathering the storm" .
Angela - posted on 02/19/2010
If you love each other AND are willing to work on it, then you can keep from divorce. A lot of other things help too, saying I love you and meaning it everyday, compromise, shared beliefs and working towards common goals. This May my husband and I will have been married for 6 years, with a difficult two years in there, but we're better than ever and happier than ever. It isn't easy at times, but totally worth it and wonderful!
Emilie - posted on 02/19/2010
I was married to my ex husband for almost 5 years, I left him just 2 weeks before our 5th anniversary. My ex husbands sister was with her husband 10 years before they got divorced. I guess the rate does go down the longer you are together, but sometimes people are together a long time before they get divorced. If you truly love each other then you don't have anything to worry about.
Renee - posted on 02/19/2010
Dusty - if two people love one another is it possible that things do come between them. I have experienced it. My husband of 12 1/2 years left me, although he said he still loved me and me him. He could not handle our son with autism full time, even though he spent the vast majority of his time away from our home working and traveling for work. There were no other women. So the theory that loves conquers all is absolutely not true. And yes the divorce rate goes down after 5 years in general, except for some specific segments of the population - airline pilots, doctors and dentists.
Kathy - posted on 02/19/2010
Year 5-disastrous-thank god for counseling. Years 12-14 have been rough-very rough. Counseling again. So far so good-working on year 15. Divorce at any year of marriage when things get rough is easy, working things out and staying the course in a healthy manner is tough. Marriage really is a roller-coaster: ups, downs, smooth stretches. Sometimes it is a bad ride that everyone just needs to get the hell off of and sometimes it is scary but worth the ride. Good luck and congrats on year 4.
We've been married for 20 years and have two children. Marriage is hard work and requires a lot of give and take (or comprimise). With God's help, we make a point to treat each other with respect, resolve conflicts before going to bed, and improve communication. We also have similar family values and morals, which makes a huge difference when we face difficult situations or decisions.
Sharon - posted on 02/19/2010
I've been with my husband for 19 years, since the age of 17. We were engaged after just 6 months with a lot of scepticism from people but we have now been married for 11 of those 19 years! And we have 3 boys under the ages of 7 so if we can withstand them we can withstand anything!
Geri - posted on 02/19/2010
Which ever rumor you are talking about, I was married the first time for 12 years! From day one we had major physical fights, he did everything he could to wear me down emotionally and mentally. He held a pistol to my head, he would throw me across rooms. I stayed because of my kids and then I left for my kids! Then I found out he had been having affairs! I gave him 12 devoted and faithful to the end years.
I have been married this second time for 10 years and its has been an eye opening experience for me as to how two people can really work through problems and talk and get along!
I would have to say it depends on the two people and how they make a whole. The individuals have to be ready to make the commitment for life from the beginning. Not to dominate the relationship but to be a part of it.
Kelly - posted on 02/19/2010
ive only been married for 2yrs and this would have to be our hardest year as a couple for us. We been together for only 4yrs but we moved from NZ to Aussie and things just arent working out so we have had many a fight and what not but we are working and have worked to sort things out... we both dontbelive in getting a divorce and arent the type to give up when things get tough... We have a plan for where we are headed and now we are to work together to get there.
We moving back to NZ and the divorce rate isnt as hight as most other countries which is also promising for us :)
Marnie - posted on 02/19/2010
Well I will be married 8years in April, we married young (22) but have been together since I was 19...I am now 30. We had a really rough couple years when we had been married for 5-6 years but somehow made it out still intact. We had our first daughter last year and things couldn't be better now, it's been a fresh breath into our marriage.
I really feel happy and secure in my life at the moment but it's always about working together. We will all have tough times that may seem impossible and the easiest thing is to give up, but I agree if you really love eachother no matter what has happened you can work through it. I wish all of you luck...really we are lucky as there are alot of women out there struggling as single mothers.
Tcordukes - posted on 02/19/2010
It'smy 6th wedding Anniversary tomorrow (sunday) i have to say we are probably lucky to have made it this far we had a very rough patch between 1-2 yrs but we both wanted it to work so we worked hard together to get where we are today...
So i can see why they would say the divorce rate drops after the 5th yr...
Afra - posted on 02/18/2010
I am heading for 18 years on may and some of my friends are just now divorcing. Seems to be a peak when kids become more independant/ leave home. Maybe some couples take a breath after the most intense parenting is over and realise all they have in common now is children? Or they've been staying together for children. I don't know. I'm just lucky we are happy and more in love now than when we married.
Kimberly - posted on 02/18/2010
Very well said Dusty! I agree, I am in my fourth year as well, and things couldn't be going better for us at this time in our lives/relationship! BUT, then again look around these days, it does seem like alot of the older generations are getting divorces. Many people who have been in 25-50yrs+ of marriage are getting divorces. If your meant to be nothing will come in between you both and things will always be worked out, and if your not meant to be, well then...a divorce will come eventually. Good Luck to you and your husband!!!
My 5 year anniversary is coming up and we are still going strong, we have actually been together ever since september of 2000 so it seems like we have been married way longer than 5 years. There have been some "tests" to our marriage but we have made it through each time and have gotten stronger.
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