Alicia - posted on 02/07/2011 ( 71 moms have responded )
I can’t figure out whether I want another child or not. I realize a forum and advice from strangers may seem like an irresponsible way to make a decision about an issue like this, but I’m just curious as to opinions from parents who were fine with one child, but then decided to have another. I can’t ask friends, because it’s pretty rude to ask them if they regret their second child. I have been debating this more than ever lately, bc my husband is looking into getting ‘snipped,’ and I don’t want us to regret that decision in the end.
My dilemma: I have a 1 1/2 yr old son, and he is the main reason I’m afraid to have another child. First, he had colic as a newborn, and I am ashamed of how much anger I dealt with the first 6+ months of his life. What if another baby turns out the same? I don’t think I could handle it.
Secondly, we like to spoil our son. However, we don’t have alot of money, and if we had another baby, we would not be able to splurge on him anymore. Also, I don’t know that we’d be able to send him to a private school later, which I feel is an absolute must (having been to both private and public schools myself). I have the Implanon implant in my arm, so if we did choose to have another, it would be after my son turns 3, so there would be a semi large age gap, enough that they couldn’t really be friends, and my son would go through a jealous stage. What if my selfish desire to have another child hurts him in the end? Jealousy, competitiveness in sports and school and other areas, fights at home…what if they don’t get along?
But then again, being an only child may make it harder for him socially. Being an only child myself, I had a hard time making friends and have issues in social situations still. I was very jealous of friends who had larger families with brothers and sisters. That is my main hang up–I have always wanted a larger family, because while I know it’s hard when they’re kids, it seems worth it when they’re adults. But what if it’s too hard during those kid years? And what if I end up choosing the wrong option and it hurts my son?
I know it’s hard to ask parents whether they wish they had stopped after one, because obviously, they love their second (and third, fourth….) child and probably can’t imagine life without them. But honestly, is it really worth it? Do you think your first born would have ultimately been better off as an only child? (Please keep in mind the age difference, as well.)