Is it worth it to have more than one child?

Alicia - posted on 02/07/2011 ( 71 moms have responded )

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I can’t figure out whether I want another child or not. I realize a forum and advice from strangers may seem like an irresponsible way to make a decision about an issue like this, but I’m just curious as to opinions from parents who were fine with one child, but then decided to have another. I can’t ask friends, because it’s pretty rude to ask them if they regret their second child. I have been debating this more than ever lately, bc my husband is looking into getting ‘snipped,’ and I don’t want us to regret that decision in the end.
My dilemma: I have a 1 1/2 yr old son, and he is the main reason I’m afraid to have another child. First, he had colic as a newborn, and I am ashamed of how much anger I dealt with the first 6+ months of his life. What if another baby turns out the same? I don’t think I could handle it.
Secondly, we like to spoil our son. However, we don’t have alot of money, and if we had another baby, we would not be able to splurge on him anymore. Also, I don’t know that we’d be able to send him to a private school later, which I feel is an absolute must (having been to both private and public schools myself). I have the Implanon implant in my arm, so if we did choose to have another, it would be after my son turns 3, so there would be a semi large age gap, enough that they couldn’t really be friends, and my son would go through a jealous stage. What if my selfish desire to have another child hurts him in the end? Jealousy, competitiveness in sports and school and other areas, fights at home…what if they don’t get along?
But then again, being an only child may make it harder for him socially. Being an only child myself, I had a hard time making friends and have issues in social situations still. I was very jealous of friends who had larger families with brothers and sisters. That is my main hang up–I have always wanted a larger family, because while I know it’s hard when they’re kids, it seems worth it when they’re adults. But what if it’s too hard during those kid years? And what if I end up choosing the wrong option and it hurts my son?
I know it’s hard to ask parents whether they wish they had stopped after one, because obviously, they love their second (and third, fourth….) child and probably can’t imagine life without them. But honestly, is it really worth it? Do you think your first born would have ultimately been better off as an only child? (Please keep in mind the age difference, as well.)

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Laura - posted on 02/10/2011

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While there is nothing wrong with seeking other points-of-view and opinions, the decision to have another baby is ENTIRELY up to you and your husband! You have to make the decision based on your family and your family alone. You raise some excellent questions and points but only you and your husband can answer them as they purtain to your life. Every person here has different life experiences and circumstances--no two are alike--and each and every one of us has had to make decisions based on how choices would effect our families. A choice that works well for one family may not work at all for another!

With that said, 3 years in age difference between siblings is not a big difference. On the contrary, that is a pretty typical gap--2 to 3 years apart--for many siblings. My sister and I are 3 years apart and had no problems playing together. My husband is 20 years younger than his oldest brother (now deceased) and is the youngest of 7 siblings. He was, for all intents and purposes, raised as an only child. Different circumstances for different families!

We have one 12 year old daughter. At one time we considered adopting (another pregnancy for me was too risky), but that changed once our daughter started school. She made friends with kids that had siblings and quickly decided that she did NOT want to share everything, including mom and dad, and appreciated having privacy in her own room. The decision to stay with one child was made based on our family dynamics and situation alone. People often asked us "when" we were going to have another baby and we always responded with "Why? We did it right the first time!" One child was what worked for our circumstances and no one should question that decision, even though well-meaning people often did.

Having siblings as a means of socialization is a false argument any more. A study conducted by Ohio State University last year on socialization of only children concluded that there is ultimately no difference! The study indicated that while onlies lagged behind peers with siblings BEFORE starting school, that gap was earased once the child started school. By the time an only child reaches high school, there is no difference in social skills! This study took into account "personality" traits as a variable so that introverted kids on both sides were accounted for. Ultimately onlies turn out just fine socially!

If you are still concerned about socializing your son, there are resources available that will give him opportunities to meet and play with other kids. Libraries, parks departments, and local museums often have programs for kids that are either free or very low cost. The YMCA, sports leagues, and scouting offer additional opportunities for social interaction. We used many of these with our daughter when she was little so that she had those opportunities to meet and play with other kids. It worked, too! She is a well-socialized young lady that also has the rare ability (in today's world) to occupy and entertain herself. Hope this gives you another perspective. Again, the decision for your family is ultimately up to you and your husband and I wish you the best as you make those important choices!

Carly - posted on 02/09/2011

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I was in a similar situation. I have Endometriosis so getting pregnant isn't easy for me. After my son was born, we decided to try for a second. I had to have surgery to remove scar tissue and then got pregnant. Then had a miscarriage 3 months later. I wasn't ready to "give up" so we tried again and I needed another surgery. After getting pregnant again, I had another miscarriage. I could have tried again and had a successful pregnancy, but I did a lot of soul searching and decided I was really happy with just one. What I realized when I got really honest was that I was really having the second child for my son. I come from 3 and never imagined that I would only have one. I thought it wasn't fair and felt guilty that I was depriving him of a sibling. What I came to realize is that there are no guarantees in life. They may have been best friends or enemies. I have family members who don't even speak to each other. So I needed to make the decision based on what I wanted. Did I want to go through all that again? I am very focused on building my business and want to spend time on that. Motherhood is amazing but it's only part of who I am. I have other things that I want to do with my life as well. So we decided that we would stop trying and move forward with our lives. My son is 4.5 now and a really happy child. It's what you make of the experience. If you love and support your child, they will be fine. Whether they are an only child or not. Bottom line, you have to do what YOU want. Because you're the one who's going to be taking care of everyone. Take your time with your decision and really get honest with yourself. Follow your heart and you'll make the right decision. Good luck!

Candy - posted on 06/19/2012

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"I would have hated it if my son were an only child. He was becoming very self-centered before his sister came along, and now he is much sweeter. He realized that the world doesn't revolve around him. "

This is a very ignorant statement to make. There are MANY kids with siblings and adults who are self-centered. There are also only children who are sweet and not self centered. It has NOTHING to do with how many siblings you have. Do you honestly believe that everyone with siblings is "sweet?" Are you that gullible? If your son was becoming self centered that's on YOU. Please, stop using your prejudice against only children as a reason to have more than one child. Perhaps, it's your lazy parenting.

User - posted on 02/12/2011

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Don't feel bad. I am a mom of a 6yr old whom after I had him, I knew I was done having children! I knew I could not love another child. However, since then we lost a baby (3month pregnant) and I was devestated. We did get pregnant again with a little girl (she'll be 1 on March 1) and she is the best thing that has happened to all of us. Our son just loves her. I understand how hard it is going through sleepless nights (at times I still am), but those days pass and the new baby just completes the family. :) I hope my prespective helps.

Amanda - posted on 02/12/2011

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I am in pretty much the same boat as you. I have one little girl that will turn 2 in a few months. I want another child, however I simply can not afford it right now. I can't afford the little girl. She was not planned but definitely not unwanted. She was one of the best babies I have ever seen, didn't cry for diapers, only whimpered when she was hungry. My biggest problem is that I had PPD and that took away from our first 6-9 months. Labor was difficult because I also had Gestational diabetes, so she was a large baby. In the past 2 years a lot has happened to her. She was hospitalized with what we now know was a BAD case of Stranger Anxiety. She was bitten by a chocolate lab on the face. She is not even 2 yet and she has already had 2 sets of stitches. I hate seeing her hurt and I wonder if the same things will happen with another baby. My biggest concern is that if my second baby is complete opposite, that I will not be able to handle it. I had a VERY difficult time with PPD and being able to be with her, but in the end I wouldn't trade it for the world.
I am the 3rd of 4 kids. My mother pretty much handed me over to my grandmother, but she kept the other 3 kids. I now have started to gain a relationship with my oldest sister. So I know what it's like to be an only child, and then to be a sister. Because of that I know it is not a difference of having no siblings or a million, it is the way you are raised together. If you decide to have another child they oldest will only act the way you teach him/her to act. What you instill in your child is up to you. Every child is different. In the end if you are not sure, do not make a permanent decision. I wish you all the luck!

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Brenda - posted on 10/14/2012

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Every situation is different. I am the youngest of 3 and have issues with social situations while my hubby is an only child but is the life of any get together as well as sole person responsible for his parents affairs when things go wrong. I think you have to soul search, tell your hubby your conclusions and make a decision also on the age gap I've heard so many differing opinions that my thought is your situation happens and you give it your all. We incidentally have a son who is 12 months and a daughter who will be 4 years old in January. There are days I think I've got this and others not so much.

Candy - posted on 06/19/2012

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"MY daughter - if she were an only child, would honestly probably be the biggest brat around"

This is silly. People with siblings are brats as well.

Candy - posted on 06/19/2012

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"When my Grandma died my Mum, who was an only child felt really bad that she didn't have anyone else to share her grief with. Obviously my Dad and me and my sister were there, but it wasn't the same as having a sibling."

Maybe it's better. Often times, siblings can cause stress. Your Mum should consider herself lucky not having to deal with the headache, tension, and drama of competitive siblings wanting to one up each other along with her mother's death.

Candy - posted on 06/19/2012

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'The one thing that bothers me about one of your reasons is you talk about spoiling your child with THINGS but the THINGS are not what kids need. It's love, time together and teaching them to be good people. That costs nothing and is priceless'

It's not just about the things. An only child benefits from having their parents love, time together, focus and being a good person. Having one child makes it easier to do this.

Candy - posted on 06/19/2012

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"I have four boys and love it! Keep in mind that spending more money on kids won't necessarily make them happier. Also, sibling relationships last longer than any other in our lives. We don't meet our spouses until we are older, and our parents usually die before us, but our brothers/sisters are there for life!"

That's not true. Siblings are not there for "life." Siblings die to and some even die before your parents. Unless, siblings are vampires, they will die.

Candy - posted on 06/19/2012

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"I have four boys and love it! Keep in mind that spending more money on kids won't necessarily make them happier. Also, sibling relationships last longer than any other in our lives. We don't meet our spouses until we are older, and our parents usually die before us, but our brothers/sisters are there for life!"

That's not true. Siblings are not there for "life." Siblings die to and some even die before your parents. Unless, siblings are vampires, they will die.

Kim - posted on 06/15/2011

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Charity I'm not sure which of my post you were replying to but I agree with you, which goes back to my first post on this thread, love is the key. Some parents have a hard time not showing partialism some do. It is wonderful and bring more memories when you are to watch the love between your children and how they help each other! Congrats to you and yours...best wishes to them all!

Charity - posted on 06/15/2011

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3 years isn't a huge gap. My two are 4 1/2 years apart, and I love it! My son loves to teach his sister how to do things. (He taught her the alphabet, and is teaching her to ride a bike.)
I didn't deal with any type of jealousy. We gave our son lots of attention, and had him "help" with his sister when she was a baby. He loved being a big brother.
If we based our children on our income, we wouldn't have had any children.
I would have hated it if my son were an only child. He was becoming very self-centered before his sister came along, and now he is much sweeter. He realized that the world doesn't revolve around him.
Now my two will play together, and if one of them has a problem the other one is there before I can even get there.

Tiffany - posted on 02/14/2011

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My oldest daughter (now 6years old) was a very easy baby. She was healthy, and her development was very quick. She crawled, walked and talked at an early age. It made me long for a little baby again to hold and for her to have a sibling. So we decided to have another baby. My second daughter(now 4years old) was a different story. She had a lot of health issues until age 2. She is very
small for her age and has a bit of an attitude but, I would never regret not having a second child for one minute. She is so sweet and her and her sister get along so well. We decided to have a third, this tome we were blessed with a boy. He is 8 months old, very laid back good baby. I finally feel like our family is complete. The decision is totally up to you and your husband but, having a sibling for your son is a great experience. I have a younger brother( we are 5 years apart) even though we didn't get along when we were younger, I cherish him now. Your siblings will be your best friend for life.

Joanna - posted on 02/13/2011

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As the mother of 5, I could not imagine only having 1 child. I do not think my oldest would be better off as an only child. I think having younger siblings taught/ is teaching him more than any social situation could about life and how to treat other people. Yes, they fight. Yes, money gets tight on a weekly basis. Yes, my house looks like a tornado blew through it daily. No I would not change a thing.
Also, I am the middle of 3 children. My older brother is 10 hours away, and my younger brother is 8 years younger than me. I feel like an only child sometimes and so wish that I had more/ closer siblings to share my life and children with now. my husband has 1 brother. My children have 2 cousins that live far away. I would love to have a large family and I want that for my children.

Jenn - posted on 02/13/2011

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Watching them hug and kiss and love each other and play together makes it all worth while.

Julie - posted on 02/13/2011

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Absolutely!! I had 4 kids and all of us are best friends. Family are friends for life!! Plus when they were growing up we used to go on trips, have home camp-outs, and they all had each other to play with. No, my kids are all in their 20's now and really close and happy to have each other. My son would probably done well either way, but would have missed out on ALOT. I bought everything second-hand and drove an old, old car. I didn't care what other people thought about the car. Glad now!!!

Nicole - posted on 02/13/2011

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i am so scared something happens to my son when i'm too old to have another! terrible fear to have - but i want to grow old with my children all around me xx i want to have loads of grandchildren to spoil



also - i grew up with a brother and he is still my best friend - even today. i grew up in a welthy family - went to private school ...... the whole shpeel... the most important thing in life to me is love and family xx

Sue - posted on 02/13/2011

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I have 3 children 11,8 and 3 and I don't think that my eldest would be a better person if she was an only child she would just have been different. There would be no issue with friendship and a big age gap my 3 year old is friends with both of her siblings and they are friend's with her, they just play in different ways when they are with her. I think that the fact you have all these questions shows that you don't really want another child so don't have one, there is no right or wrong with how many kids you have, it is personal choice.

Racheal - posted on 02/13/2011

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My fiance and I have one of our own and he has 2 by a previous marriage.. I love them 2 like they were my own.. As for him and I having another one. NOT GOING TO HAPPEN!!

Michelle - posted on 02/12/2011

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In my opinion it is so worth it, we had an only child for 8 years before we had our second and she is the love of my life, my son still gets spoiled as we are definitely in a much better position financially now. The age gap was an issue for the first year but now that she plays and is what he considers a little person now they are good friends and love spending time together. So again so worth it.

Shelly - posted on 02/12/2011

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When my son was that age, I didn't think I would want a second child. Now that he's older (he's 4 now), he seems so lonely. I wish he had a brother or sister to play with.

Ruth - posted on 02/12/2011

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Definately worth it. Ours were 6 1/2 years apart. But a big plus in social development (for parents too). Homeschool is even better than private school, and cheaper (unless you have to quit work to do it). We did all 3 kinds of school. And it is really worth it later - as you enjoy your adult children and grandchildren, and they look after you.

Pam - posted on 02/12/2011

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our children r already so spoiled, i don't think if u ask most adults that came from good homes if they would have traded things or private school for their brother or sister they would say yes. Also being older my siblings are a source of comfort for me. Our mom died and i don't know how i would have gotten through it without them. Also it sounds like u could use a good bonding experience with a baby, colic is tough, i was terrible with my children when they were babies i was always so worried about so many things, but when i had grandchildren i learned to relax and just admire them, i wasn't just a part time granma. I was their live in granma and child care provider so i had a lot of responsibility for their day to day care. I realized how amazing they are at 1 week 1 month 1 year. Wow there is nothing like it. You have to decided if its best for you and your husband it takes so much work and giving of yourself, can you give another child the time and love it would need? If so I think your son will be a happier more well adjusted person. I think 3 is a good age to introduce a new person into the family. Your getting past some of the whole world revolves around me stage (known as the terrible 2) and they understand a little more about giving to others, sharing. God Bless and He gives the best advice!!!

Joanna - posted on 02/11/2011

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All 3 of mine had colic the first 3-4 months of their life. It's a hard first few months. But in the end, totally worth it.

And I think the biggest splurge you could give your son would be a forever playmate. Stuff means nothing to them, but the bond between siblings is so awesome.

BUT if you don't feel like you can handle, or don't even want, another child, there's nothing wrong with that. Some people do great as families of 3. It's a good number :)

Sherri - posted on 02/11/2011

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Your totally over thinking it IMO. Either you are for having one child or multiple children. It was no contest I could never have had just one. Yes so they get slightly less materialistic things, but to me materialistic things aren't anything in this world. 3 yrs is not a large age gap. Their is 7yrs between my second and third and they are best friends so age has nothing to do with it. They don't all have jealousy towards their younger siblings. I never think my children would have been better as only children EVER.

Amy - posted on 02/11/2011

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oh -and don't worry about the health thing. My daughter was born with a hole in her heart and had a huge homangeoma on her face and I was like, [not so much about homangeoma] what if hte next one has worse heart problems!?!? But...he's healthy as a horse and not a thing wrong with him. Best baby ever!

Amy - posted on 02/11/2011

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I LOVE having more than one. They share well and this morning [2 yrs/4yrs] they scampered off to play and played alone for 3 hours. I kept checking and making sure they were fine, just playing. I keep thinking, wow, so glad they have each other as friends. It is hard when they're kids. We give up a lot of luxuries to provide for them. MY daughter - if she were an only child, would honestly probably be the biggest brat around. Having a brother she thinks as "hers" helps her mother a bit, but want to help him. She then finds out helping is quite rewarding and wants to help others. My son is almost two and 3rd due june 22nd. my daughter was 18-20 months old when i got pregnant with my son. It worked out so well. Was a bit rough but we adjusted quickly and.....it just worked.

As long as you love your children, you can't choose the wrong option. Either way your son will be fine. As long as you really involve him in the baby the jealousy thing cuts down to almost nothing. Right now my kids are blissfully playing with playdough. In a couple years they play well and I get SO much done and feel like I have even more time with them. They get to be independent, have a live-in friend that helps them share/grow, and we get tons of time together since they give me time to clean and cook and get it all done! I LOVE it.

Kim - posted on 02/11/2011

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A question for Laura Snow...I am curious... Have other States/regions done the same Study that was done in Ohio? If so have they compared the out come's? and the comparison of age, race, and culture? Did they pick children in the same age? Where the parents in the same age? Just curious if Region or any of the other things I asked might change the results....

I agree, since my daughter was 12 before we had our son, she was basically raised as a only child, she moved out of the house when my son was still very young so he was pretty much raised as a only child...neither of them have ever had any social skill problems...ever! My son scared me, because he never met a stranger so I had to watch him like a hawk!!!! I think like everything in raising children they learn from example ...never the do as I say not as I do! Because they always learn from what we do!

If you do have information on those questions of the studies I would be very interested to know. Thanks for your Information I think it was great!

Cheri - posted on 02/10/2011

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i was scared with my 2nd baby and was really mad she wasnt a boy but i honestly couldnt see my life any other way then with my 2 beautiful girls

Amanda - posted on 02/10/2011

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It is totally worth it! I have a 3 1/2 year old daughter and a one year old son, and I can't imagine life without either of them! We are tight financially, too, and we spoiled our daughter, too, and once her baby brother was born, we may not have been able to splurge as often on her, but we found new ways to spoil her. They are the best of friends.
As to the age difference, my sister and I are twelve years apart, and she has always been my best friend. The thing I thought about when we were deciding to have another was, what happens when my daughter is middle age, and her dad and I should die? I watched my mother deal with my grandmother's death, and she wouldn't have gotten through it without her siblings. I wanted my daughter to have that source of support throughougt her life.
Good luck with whatever you decide to do. It's not an easy decision.

Amanda - posted on 02/10/2011

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i had my first 2 kids 11 months apart and they are best friends.and i am now having number 3 and they are so happy about it. I came from a big family and love my brothers and sisters all different ages ..

Kim - posted on 02/10/2011

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My children are 12 years apart, they get along great! My youngest had colic and seperation anxiety...it was difficult and later in life we found out he had ADHD...and a honor roll student! He is very outgoing loves, and appreciates everything and everyone! My daughter was the easiest one, she was the oldest and she was my baby doll, I had alot of fun dressing her up! Wouldn't trade them for anyone else's children! As long as you show Love, everything always works out.....most needed factor in having a happy family.

Also...I have a sibling that is 3 1/2 yrs apart from me and she is the closest to me in age out of 4 siblings...she has social issues as well, now she has two children and they both have social issues, I feel the biggest problem with them is due to the fact the computer was the babysister, their social skills are greater on the internet then in person. Since my sibling has these issues herself she doesn't mind her kids being the same. It is so bad they each have their own computers and in different rooms. They usually only see each other when it is time to eat and even then 90% of the time they grab their food and run to their own rooms to eat at the computer. They have all kinds of Material things...but you never see alot of family time...quality family time. Love is the key! Always LOVE!

No two people or babies are the exactly the same....its like picking a number out of a hat.

Wish you the best...I'm sure you will know if and when you are ready or not to have another child.

Mary - posted on 02/10/2011

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yes, I waited until my oldest was 7 years old and my father past away. I needed my sister. i dont know what i would have done without her there for me. i then decided that my son needed a brother or sister. as for the colic..i was blessed with two very healthy boys that never gave me any trouble...but my husbands older brother had colic and he didnt so good luck and i hope this helps...

Julia - posted on 02/10/2011

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Just wanted to share this: Nursing babies get colic according to what the moms eat or drink. Moms who drink orange juice, tomatoes, yogurt etc can cause their baby to have cramps, during the first 3-4 months. What mom eats, they drink.
Any food that contains acid or any form of sourness will have an effect on the little infants tummy. Rememeber they are new borns and are very sensitive. Just because we like it, don't mean it's good for them. I know tomatoes and oranges are healthy foods, but there are lot's of other things we can eat to prevent an infant from getting colic.
Lot's of warm milk, porrige, hot cocoa and other delicios meals are great for nursing moms.
Maybe I'm old fashion, but it works. I have four children and there were no colics. Just a tip for the nursing moms. (smile)

Linda - posted on 02/09/2011

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I have four boys and love it! Keep in mind that spending more money on kids won't necessarily make them happier. Also, sibling relationships last longer than any other in our lives. We don't meet our spouses until we are older, and our parents usually die before us, but our brothers/sisters are there for life!

Christina - posted on 02/09/2011

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i can't decide either - i have a 16 mth old but i'm going to be 38 - don't have much mire time to decide - daycare is killing us and i can't afford to stay home - i just feel like corinne wil have nobody when we are gone and nothing bad better ever happen to her if she's my only one

Jeanette - posted on 02/09/2011

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I have 5 children ages 8 to 10 months old. My 5 year old was born with Down syndrome and my 10 month old was born with a heart defect and had major open heart surgery at 15 days old. We were gone from our other children for almost 5 weeks! Yes, parenting is HARD! And all children are different. As rough as life can be sometimes, I wouldn't have it any other way. No, siblings don't always get along, but you learn to deal with every situation. Some people can't handle more than one child. You need to do what you feel comfortable with. If you are unsure, then maybe just wait and see what happens. Good luck and enjoy the time with the one child you have!

Becky - posted on 02/09/2011

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I am replying as a mom of 3: the oldest of which was very colic-y. I completely understand the anger and frustration that goes along with that!! Our philosophy was: it really can't get worse than the oldest. We had our son (#2) when the oldest was about 2 and he was an angel. Breastfed well, slept well, - just an all-round happy baby. Flash forward 6 years and I found myself pregnant again. I know it shouldn't be surprised but man was I surprised. We were almost done with daycare and we were done with diapers and all that stuff. And now we were starting over. Well, they are ages 13, 11, and 5 now and I can't imagine life any different. I made some career choices that were purely my choice (I went down to part-time) which of course meant different spending. However, I cannot imagine life without any of these guys. Although I do daydream about time to myself :)
Most of my friends who are only-children really wish they had siblings. Also, I've heard people make the (morbid) comment that if anything ever happened to their one child, they'd be left childless. I'm not sure what to make of that because I don't view my son and younger daughter as "spares" but I think I understand what they meant.
Our 3rd also had colic but our doctor said that it could be due to acid reflux. We put a little Zantac in her nightly bottle and had a new baby. This went away on its own as soon as she could sit up better. Since then, other mothers have had similar experiences.
Sorry to be so long-winded! I really respect the amount of thought you are putting into this. You obviously love your family a great deal. Best wishes with whatever life brings you :)

Vashti - posted on 02/09/2011

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A second child is definitely a personal choice. I have 2 boys and I don't regret it for a second, even on my worse day! Rearing children is not an easy task and sometimes we can be our worst critics. I also know that you shouldn't base your decision on what happened the first time around. You could have the complete opposite experience the second time around. I want a third child, but decide not to have one, not because of my present children's behaviour, but because of the quality of life I want to be able to provide for them. I am happy to be home and how my take gets spent with them, also from a financial aspect, I didn't want to move into a bigger home, I want to be able to provide some kind of financial help to them later on when it comes to college etc, a third child would change those plans drastically, but if it did happen, I would be thrilled all the same. Don't loose out on an opportunity to watch a family blossom based on 6 months of sleepless nights etc, there is just so much more to kids.

Lissa - posted on 02/09/2011

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There were 7 years between my first two children, then I had my third 15 months after that. I personally wouldn't have it any other way but one thing is for sure, you have to both want another child to make it work. As for being friends my sister is 10 years older than me and when I was little she was my world, as adults we are exceptionally close. I wouldn't rush into your husband getting a vasectomy, I was sure I was done at three only to find five years later I really do want one more child. Take it slowly and do nothing permanent until you are positive.

Alison - posted on 02/09/2011

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This is obviously a VERY personal decision. I have two things to say to you. First of all it is MUCH too soon to go through with the snip-snip. Second, if you don't feel like having a second with your first is 1 1/2, that just makes you a very reasonable mom. Give yourself at least another year and a half before you decide whether a second child is really more than you can handle.

I'll add that there is truly nothing more rewarding than to witness the love between two siblings. But honestly, you need to figure out what your own priorities are and stick with that.

Sara - posted on 02/09/2011

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i'm currently pregnant with my second, and I went through the stage when we were deciding if we wanted another with all the fears that you mentioned. My daughter has not been an easy child and had colic as a newborn and I had PND...it was really rough for the first 4 or 5 months and I thought that I never wanted to go through that again. But my husband asked me if we had another, would it be something I would feel good about 10, 20 years down the line, and my answer to that was yes. I want siblings for my child, and I want to have a baby again. So, I think in orderr to find out what you really want to do you have to take yourself out of the now and think how you'll feel about your decision to have or not have children in the long run. There's no shame in going either way, you have to do what is right for you and your family. Good luck!

Olivia - posted on 02/09/2011

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Being a parent is hard-period. You have a lot of valid points for having an only child (wanting to spoil him and being able to send him to private school) but you didn't say what your hubby's thoughts are on the subject which I think is really important. Now you mentioned him getting snipped, does that mean he doesn't want more? I have 3 kids who are 6, 3 and 1 and there is a lot of tension in the house, somedays I wish I'd never had any kids and I feel guilty for thinking that because overall my kids are the best part of my life as much stress & worry & trouble they bring, they multiply the joy & happiness & pride at other moments. I grew up in large family & loved it but truthfully it held me back from making friends because I always thought, "oh I've got family, I don't really need friends" and to this day it's affected me.
Every baby is different so your 2nd (if you choose to have another) could be the complete opposite of your first, but you should ask yourself if you can handle it if he/she is worse or just the same. Also having been through it before you will already have some ease with having another baby and all that comes along with it. I don't regret having 3 kids and neither does my husband but with each child there is a sacrifice and it's different with everybody. When I have a hard decision to make I always pray about it and that has helped me all the time. Good luck.

Sarah - posted on 02/09/2011

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My first child was a very easy baby, and it felt like the best holiday in the world. I now have 2 children with a 16month age gap. I fell like my second son missed out on a lot of one on one time, as I just didn't have the same amount of time, obviously with two. I love them both to bits. I think for the kids it is definately better to have more than one, and as kids as well as adults. But I think that you definately know when you are ready for another one, but I don't think you should do it unless you are 100% need to have another baby and can't wait for it to happen. As far as financially, I think second babys are very cheap, as babies because you already have everything, I know this will change in the long term, but at least its a bonus for the first 2 or 3 years.

Amy - posted on 02/08/2011

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Get a Mirena IUD - it lasts for 5 years, no periods, and is removable at anytime. This will give you plenty of time to sort it out. And he won't have to get snipped.

This is what we did, and we stuck with one. He loves being an only and we love having one. Our household is calm, peaceful, fun, relaxed and we can do all kinds of things because we can afford it.

Pamela - posted on 02/08/2011

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I, for one, vote for more than one child. I grew up with 3 siblings, 2 older, 1 younger. When my first child was approaching 9 years, I realized that he was accustomed to being an "only child". As a single Mom at the time, I was concerned. I was in a relationship that was growing serious and we decided to marry and have at least one other child. I am happy that I did so. I believe my oldest son is also happy to have brothers.

Tyrae - posted on 02/08/2011

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My 2 sisters and I never got along when we were kids, but now that we are older its like we are best friends. It may be hard at first but trust me it is worth it in the end.

Sandra - posted on 02/08/2011

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Im curious- you said that you are an only child, is your husband also? I only ask because if you both are only children and you only have one child then eventually when your gone he will have no family left. A brother or a sister will be of great comfort at that time.
With that said you should really sop tormenting your self. Take a deep breath and just think about what you want. Dont think about how it affects you financially or how well your son will cope. Take all of that off the table and see what feelings your left with.
Also I would like you to think about how your son was when he was a baby- all that you went through in his first year of life- do you regret that?
It is possible that you might always regret not having another baby but you would never regret it if you did!
Good luck!!

[deleted account]

If u have the implanon in there is no Energency to get a vasectomy... My husband and i are very busy professionals. We had one daugter and for a while when she started going to school, life was great. I was afraid of starting all over again as everything was in place. We cud travel, she wasn't as dependent ! Fast forward and she is 10 and I started feeling a void as she desperately wud ask for a sibling and making comments like not fair mum u have 4 siblings . My hubby wasn't sure but we ended Up having a boy.. Best thing ever... My daughter is like a little mama! I feel happy cause I enjoyed doing it again even though had feeding issues... And yes my daughter had colic and feeding problems. The other thing was we felt guilty abt having another child cos we did not want our daughter to share her love" funny" but we all worked it out and we have all adjusted. And kids r resilient ... So in a nut shell u r not sure, give it time and the pieces will fall into place...

Rachel - posted on 02/08/2011

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Wow! I am really happy you posted this! I am having the same debate. Do I have another? Will my son be happy being an only child? So many questions! He is 3 & I am an older Momma, 36! I am very happy w/ our life now, can give him so much attention, he attends private pre-school, swim-lessons, and a Mommy & me group once a week. He is really great w/ other kids! I guess my big thing is other people constantly asking me when am I going to have another? or, I think you need a littl' girl now! My husband is considering getting fixed too, but I just don't know what to do! I do have 2 older step-sons, 17 & 19. They were never a big part of our life, so my son will never be close to them. I just don't know what to do either! I was the oldest in my family, 4 yr difference between my sister & me, brother 6 yr difference. I was never really close to them growing up. I just seemed so much older & was always stuck babysitting! I have a good relationship w/ my sister now, but my brother is away at a FPC. Not a good situation. So, I will not base my decision on my family experience. Anyway, good luck! xoxo

Melody - posted on 02/08/2011

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I would DEFINITELY wait as long as you're unsure. You listed far more reasons not to have another baby than to have one. Don't be afraid of your child being an Only -- google 'the only child myth.' It honestly doesn't put them at a disadvantage.
I always thought I'd have two or more kids. right now, I'm the mom of an amazing, gorgeous, brilliant child. And he's all I can handle. Some kids are simply more difficult than others. Mine falls into that category :) I wouldn't change him for a hundred million bucks. But I know adding one more would be too much for me, and I don't want to diminish what I have to offer the superkid I already have by having another.

Just my opinion! Best of luck to you!!

Ashley - posted on 02/08/2011

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I would have loved to have more than one child, but everything I hear from other mothers is that the second child is a much bigger challenge, as you have a toddler and a baby to take care of. I would just be sure that you truly want another child before making the commitment.

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