Is it wrong for me to let my 5 year old go live with his father?

Kari - posted on 08/07/2014 ( 6 moms have responded )

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My ex and I have 50/50 custody of our son. We live 8 hours apart and our arrangement is 3wks/3wks. Out homes are very different- when he is with me he has brothers and sisters coming and going but at his dads it's just him and his dad and his wife. At his dads he plays video games, watches movies, and pretty much gets what he wants with 100% attention. That's not how it is here. He shares attention here. He is starting to show resistance to coming to my house because he loves his dad's house so much. He is asking for more time there and less with me- I hate seeing his heart hurt. If I wait a year longer he comes here for school but if I put a stop to his traveling he can go to school this year at his dads- what do I do? End his little heart from hurting or keep the same arrangement going and hope it's just a phase? Help! My heart is breaking with the thought of letting him go but it's also hurting knowing his little heart hurts!

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Jodi - posted on 08/12/2014

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Tanya, I don't think you read the previous posts properly. No-one actually said it was a given that it was in the child's best interests to live with his mother, so what's to disagree with? We said that at 5, it isn't his decision and ALL the factors needed to be considered when it comes to best interests, not whether or not you will break his little heart because you tell him no.

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Tanya - posted on 08/10/2014

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Well, I'm going to kinda disagree with the others but I may not be completely right.

Why not let him stay with his father? If his father and his father'S wife loves your son they can dedicate and devote all of their time to him. I'm not saying that they are better parents then yourself and your husband...you sound like a great mom and obviously puts her child's needs and wants first, but you have 2 other children to focus on as well.

So what if he prefers being with his dad because he get more attention and does more or less what he wants...

I don't understand why it's a better interest for him to be with you as someone mentioned. I mean if the courts granted 50/50 I'm sure the father is as good as of a parent as you.

I mean as long as you still get to see him rather often and have a say the way things go I don't see a problem. In the end, it all depends if you can handle being away from your little boy.

Leela - posted on 08/10/2014

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To repeat Jodi....he's 5. Smh - 5 yr olds aren't always the best decision makers hence the reason they have us. Instead of shipping him off to dad, why not invest more one on one time with him. He seems to need the attention.

Kari - posted on 08/08/2014

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Thanks for your thoughts- and yes it states that he will reside with me for school but his dad can maintain the 50/50 if he moves to our state. It's just very hard trying to make a choice for him that I can't foresee the outcome. And of course his dad thinks he needs a break from the stress and would be better served at his house.....

Jodi - posted on 08/08/2014

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He's 5. Of course he wants to be wherever he is having the most fun and having the most attention and getting whatever he wants. But that doesn't necessarily mean it is in his best interests. As a parent, you will often have to make choices that he won't like and will "hurt his little heart", but they are choices that are in his best interests in the LONG TERM. That's what you have to look at here. You need to take every factor into account - what your child wants is not necessarily one of them because he is far too young to be able to make a choice here.

Does your custody agreement state what happens when he reaches school age?

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