Is it wrong to be relieved 18 yr old girl leaving for college?

Beth - posted on 05/27/2015 ( 5 moms have responded )

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My sweet baby girl is leaving for college in August! Well really my rude, disrespectful, ungrateful, 18 yr old is leaving. What has happened to my baby girl? I thought this behavior would end after middle school! Things were good and now suddenly she has become a stranger! Not suddenly..but last couple of years were rough. Now we fight all the time. I feel like she hates me and can't stand the sight of me. I've always sacrificed for her and I guess she doesn't remember! She expects me to pay for everything all the time. She has a job but says she's saving her money. I recently told her she needed to pay for her own gas and she was devasted! Her money is apparently worth more than mine! She is also very self conscious of her looks and because of that her personality has become ugly. She is gorgeous, no lies but she picks herself apart daily. She will find the smallest imperfection and it turns into a screaming/crying fest. I have a very hard time being supportive because she knocks me down continually. I cannot be around such negativity and stay positive. She refuses counseling. She seems so unhappy but I can't do anything to help! I'm so ready for her to move yet I'm terrified that she'll have a breakdown. She only acts this way at home because it's her "safe zone" but I just not sure she can make it in the real world!!

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MaryAnn - posted on 05/27/2015

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It is okay to feel relieved. We cant always get along with the people we live with. Its normal to feel guilty, but its important to remember that this is the way it is supposed to be. At some point, every child needs to take responsibility for learning their own lessons. They need to take the lead on figuring out how to balance their lives and bank books. You've made it and look! Shes learning these lessons by taking on college!congrats mommy!

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Jodi - posted on 05/28/2015

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I'm sorry it came across that I didn't agree with your feelings. I can understand why you feel the way you do and don't disagree with you feeling relieved. I was just explaining why she thinks the way she does. I think you took the comments way to personally.

Beth - posted on 05/27/2015

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I appreciate your feedback. It seems as though you don't agree with my feelings. As a parent I've tried to prepare my daughter for the real world but obviously I paid for everything. I am not cutting her off because she's 18! She is off to college and will begin the transition. I do pay for a lot of things but my point was she wants more or the best and expects me to pay. I have NOT always given into her every whim.
I was only venting and perhaps not very detailed. I appreciate you trying to make me feel bad though!
I'm scared for my daughter to leave but relieved at the same time. I know it's time to sink or swim and hopefully she is prepared due to her upbringing. Guess time will tell.

Jodi - posted on 05/27/2015

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"I've always sacrificed for her and I guess she doesn't remember! She expects me to pay for everything all the time."

That's because you always pay for everything! Of course she expects you to. You can't just have your child get to 18 and expect that they are going to be happy when you tell them they have to pay, and you aren't going to pay all the time. Her money is worth more than yours because she has never had to work for yours!

She only acts this way at home because it's her "safe zone" but I just not sure she can make it in the real world!!

As long as you keep sacrificing everything for her, she will never make it in the real world. You need to let go. She will sink or swim at this point and you have to allow her to figure that out for herself. If she sinks, she just needs to know you are there for her, but you can NOT enable her. There is a difference between supporting and enabling. At the moment, she is used to you enabling her life. It's time for her to grow up, and she needs to be told that. She is an adult now, and it is time she acted and lived like one.

Raye - posted on 05/27/2015

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She will learn that it's sink or swim, and she'll probably swim. I fought with my mother and even ran away from home three times during my teenage years. I had a job, paid for my own gas, insurance, etc. But she and I butted heads at every turn. When my mom asked when I was moving out, I moved out. I'm sure there was some relief that I was gone, but also she was sad that I left her alone in the house. I had struggles. I made mistakes. But I also learned to appreciate that my mom was right about a few things. We are a lot closer now. Your daughter will get there.

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