Is late better than never?

Martha - posted on 06/02/2015 ( 1 mom has responded )

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Hi all. I'm new to this forum but I'm feeling very stuck and hoping for some good advice. So here's the story. My husband and I have been married for almost ten years and, although we had always talked about having two children, we have one daughter who will be eight years old this summer. We had tried a few times for baby #2 when our daughter was a toddler but things kept coming up that forced us to put it on hold. My husband was laid off at one point, I needed physical therapy for my back and was advised to wait and then more recently I was diagnosed with breast cancer and needed about a year of surgeries and recovery which was immediately followed by the sudden death of my best friend which was an even harder thing to get through. So a few years had passed since we had originally talked about having another, our daughter was now in school full time which meant I was back at work and making decent money, we bought our dream home with our double incomes, we got past the rough years and life started to get back to normal and after that point my husband felt that he was ok with having just one. As much as I had never wanted my daughter to be an only child, eventually I learned to accept that life just had other plans for us and she would be an only. I knew we both had to be on board with it and we weren't so that was it. It took time and a lot of self talk but I did learn to settle with that. And then life started to get really easy FINALLY. My job is great, my daughter is getting more and more independent, my husband and I are closer than ever, I have a weekday off that I get all to myself and I'm loving it. Well, guess what the rest of this story is? Hubby had a change of heart. I'm 37 years old and all of the sudden this is back on the table again. Maybe because things are finally great again and we've had some time to breathe, maybe because he is making more money now. maybe it's the empty third bedroom, I'm not sure. He says he just feels in his heart that he wants another child. And this is great news....Except....I'm 37 years old now. I know that's not ancient in terms of having a baby but it does make me nervous. Higher risk of miscarriage, downs syndrome, etc. Plus my energy is not what it used to be. And more importantly, I just got to the point where I can be back at work full time and I enjoy my job and I love having some of the freedom that has come back now that my daughter is getting more independent. I do have very flexible hours so I wouldn't have to quit my job but it would definitely be a huge adjustment. To think of going back now to the newborn stage and no sleep and bottles and diapers, etc when we have come so far is tough! I have always wanted two children. I don't want my daughter to go through life without a sibling. I know these things. And there are times when I think about having a baby again and it make me smile. It warms my heart to think of my daughter having a brother or sister. She loves babies and she has such a kind and nurturing nature. I know she would be a great big sister. And sometimes I think it would be great to get to experience all that awesome baby stuff again. But there are a lot more times when I think "It just started getting easy again! Why would I change that?" Shouldn't I be more excited about this if it's something I want? Were you guys excited about #2 or did you just know it was hard work but something you wanted so you were going to do it? That starry eyed fantasy you have with your first doesn't happen when you know the reality of the newborn, right? Or is this a sign that I just shouldn't have another one? Any thoughts on your experiences would be greatly appreciated!

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Michelle - posted on 06/02/2015

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Well my story isn't about #2 but #3.
I had 2 children from my first marriage and when I met my 2nd husband I told him I wasn't having any more children. He was 40 when we met so was fine with that.
As we grew closer together I could see how good he was with my other 2 and decided that he really needed one of his own. My oldest was 8 and the other one was 6 when we had our own.
Yes it was hard going back to the newborn stage and I was 35 when we had her but I wouldn't change it for the world. I was able to take longer off work and enjoyed the time with her when she was a baby. I didn't get that with my older 2 as we were younger and I had to go back to work.
She is now 5 and she really has completed our family. All of the children get along really well and the older ones look out for the youngest. I was only ever going to have 2 children but some things happen to change your life and I think children are the best things that change your life forever.

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