Is my 5 month old spoiled? or is something wrong?

Jackie - posted on 08/28/2009 ( 15 moms have responded )

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My 21 week old son is the best baby....WHEN SOMEONE IS HOLDING HIM! I don't know if I should just let him cry when I put him down, or if there are other issues with him? What should I do?

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Danielle - posted on 08/28/2009

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You cannot spoil a 5 month old by holding him too much. Some babies need the physical contact. My son was the same way. I carried him constantly, and my mother constantly told me I was spoiling him. He developed into the most secure toddler, and now he is a happy, well adjusted, and secure four year old. When I drop him off at preschool he runs into the room and is excited to see his teacher and friends. I see other parents trying to peel their clinging children from them, but that is not the case with my son. And I held him constantly as an infant. So no, I don't think holding him will spoil him.



My daughter is very different, and is very content to sit on the floor and play with toys. My son was never like that. All children are different. As parents, we shoudl respond to their individual needs the best way we can.



That being said, there will be times you cannot hold him, and it's difficult to listen to them scream. My son used to scream every time I took a shower. Don't let this make you feel guilty. You have to get certain things done. You are doing the best you can. When you are able to carry him and you want to, do it, and don't let anyone make you feel guilty for doing so.

September - posted on 08/28/2009

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I've been told by doctors and friends that it is impossible to spoil a baby before the age of 6 months. As a first time Mom I've done a lot of reading up on letting your baby "cry it out" which suggests not letting you baby cry for more than one minute at a time before the age of 6 months because babies whose cries are ignored do not develop healthy intellectual and social skills, they have an average IQ 9 points lower at age 5, they show poor fine motor development, show more difficulty controlling their emotions, and take longer to become independent as children. It also interfers with the development of their trust. Although leaving a baby to cry it out does often lead to the cries eventually stopping, the cries do not stop because the child is content or the problem has been alleviated. Rather, they stop because the baby has given up hope that a caregiver/parent will respond and provide comfort. In my opinion at 21 weeks of age I think that it is important to give your baby as much attention as your baby requests of you. My son also enjoyed being held and would often cry when we put him down but as he got older he grew out of the habit. I don't think that your baby has any issues. He's a baby and he depends on you for everything including your arms to hold him :) Hang in there and know that it will not always be this way. Soak it up beacuse before you know it he will not want you to hold him anymore :( My son is 10 months old and the only time that I can hold him is when I'm feeding him or when he is sleepy. Otherwise he is on the move! Best wishes and good luck! Enjoy :)

Minnie - posted on 08/28/2009

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Humans are not animals who leave their infants in a nest alone and go off and do busy things. Human infants are supremely vulnerable. They can't do anything for themselves and depend solely on their mothers for comfort, nourishment, stability, and equilibrium. To be set down, in his little animalistic instinctive mind, is to risk bodily harm.



He's not spoiled (as far as I know, it's items that are LEFT on the shelf that spoil) he's acting out of instinct that is ingrained into his biology. It makes him incredibly uncomfortable to not be in your arms.



Carry your baby. Get a soft carrier like a mei tai or a sling and strap him to your body and go about your day. Human babies are meant to be carried.

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User - posted on 04/12/2013

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You baby is just high needs. He has a need for the emotional support of being held. Some babies do. You are not spoiling him by teaching him you will give him the love he needs, even if it is hard.

Amy - posted on 01/09/2012

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I have 3 kids, 13, 9, and 7. I run a daycare out of my home. I can tell you...you CAN spoil your baby by holding them all the time. I can tell right away the kids that have been held all the time. They have a harder time when they get older also. It is ok for your baby to learn to sooth themselves and to learn how to play on their own. NOW...your baby is 5 months old, so I wouldnt worry to much right now. But start giving your baby some alone time during the day. As long as your baby is fed, clean, healthy, and warm, then he is ok. Good luck! Just remember there are so many wonderful moments with your son and this is just a hiccup.

Vanessa - posted on 08/28/2009

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I am a mom of an 8 yr. old a 2yr. old and an 8mo. old sometimes it is okay to let the baby cry, but if he is crying to hard go get that baby.

Marjorie - posted on 08/28/2009

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I wouldn't worry too much - as long as he is ok to go to sleep. And even then some children like a lot of contact. However, for you own sanity you may want to try and get him to be happy on a playmat on his own - you next to him but not ON you. Over time he should be able to handle more and more of being near you but not on you.

Helen - posted on 08/28/2009

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distraction is the key - he needs to be able to entertain himself - are you still going to be holding him when the next one arrives?

Dorothy - posted on 08/28/2009

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Find something he likes that is entertaining and educational. Start by short spirts of distractions such as this. He is vying for you attention. So while you are cleaning house keep him within sight of you and talk to him. He will get used to being on his own and not constantly in someones lap. Hope you can find something he likes! good luck.

[deleted account]

Babies love to be held and it's ok to cuddle and love them. But, only as long as you want to and it's positive for both of you. The reality is you probably have some things to do around the house and need a break some times. So, let him cry some. It won't kill him and might even be beneficial for him. He just might discover he can entertain himself (eventually).



If the crying is too much for you, you might try a bouncer seat. Both my boys loved the bouncer. When they're little, they can't handle too much stimulation so you will probably need to remove the toys, or just use them for short periods. But, he can bounce away (mine had a battery that made it vibrate and soothed the kids) and most importantly be near you and see you and everything you're doing without being in your arms. I also liked to put it near a window so the boys could look out at the trees. Tey liked that too. I used my portable crib (playyard) and rolled it wherever I needed it and put the bouncer in that - so it's safe and he's high up and can see.



I hope this helps!



I also used a convertible baby front/back pack. The back pack is easier to use but I think he has to be able hold up his head (?) before he can go in the back pack. I used this when they were just needing mommy too much and I needed to do things. My kids both loved it.

Margaret - posted on 08/28/2009

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Let him cry for a while but don't leave his sight and tell him mommy is right here, and it's okay sweetie, honey etc. (or what ever your pet name is for him) But you need to be consistentant. He will soon learn that when he cries mommy or daddy (or whoever) won't come in and swope him up. Babies are very smart and he has your number, this is very common in babies around this age and younger and even older. Its not going to hurt him to cry for a little while (10 min or so) when he starts to cry give him a toy and say mommy is right here, stay in sight but DO NOT pick him up just reassure him with a nice calm soothing voice. Or set him beside you in a chair, on the floor or wherever and read him a book. Play soothing music while he is on the floor playing and you are doing house work or what ever. Make sure you talk to him while you are doing other things its all about attention and just some positive talking letting him know you know he is there and that in order for him to get his attention does not mean he needs to be held all the time. He wont get over it right away it may take 2-3 days but the main thing is to be consistentant. That doesn't mean you can't hold him set aside a few times a day where you hold him and rock and sing or read make sure you give him some one on one time but when it fits you not him. Hang in there it will get better

Breanne - posted on 08/28/2009

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Maybe you should take him to the doctors and express that he crying all the time. You never know because something might be bothering him and making him cry. He's still young and needs that love and care from his parents. Maybe you could try wraping him tightly and putting him in a swing and see if that help sooth him. Do you guys give him a sucky to suck on whe he cries because that can help sooth him also. But i think he still needs to be held and loved, but when he gets older, then that will be the time to ween him away from being held all the time if it's still an issue. You could maybe also try just sitting on the floor with him not in your lap, but in front of you with some favorite toys or something that will distract him from noticing that your not holding him. As long as your close and you have that skins to skin contact, it might help too. Just give everything a try and see what happens.

Jackie - posted on 08/28/2009

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Thanks for your opinions ladies! Yes, I get told all the time It's my fault that I've spoiled him (he's my last baby :( ) and I would hold him 24/7 if I could.... But now it's hard when I have to put him down... He never wants to be away from me :) I will keep it up with the physical touch :)

Krista - posted on 08/28/2009

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We cannot ever spoil our infants with affection, it's just not possible. Babies learn everything about their worlds through human touch (or it's absence). I had people telling me I was spoiling my daughter when she was a baby because I always carried her, and I never listened. This idea that we have to leave our infants to cry, alone, to avoid "spoiling" them is ludacris. Your baby learns that he can trust you when you are there for him, and trust is developed in infancy through human touch and interaction. I completely disagree with whoever is telling you that. An abundace of loving human touch is essential for emotionally healthy children (who become emotionally healthy adults) I say keep it up :)

Alison - posted on 08/28/2009

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The jury is out on this one my friend. Do what feels best to you.



My opinion: if he is always asking to be held, physical touch may be very important for him to feel secure. I would get some great baby carriers and hold him as much as you practically can.



My second daughter (15 mos) is super clingy and loves to be carried around. I do what I can. Sometimes I have to let her whine while I am getting ready to go out or making supper. Other times, I will stop what I want to be doing and spend some time with her. She loves to sleep with me, but can also sleep on her own. It's just her nature and I'm cool with that.

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