Is my daughter angry!

Ciku - posted on 02/22/2011 ( 5 moms have responded )




Hello mummies. My daughter is 17 months. She is a confident little girl, not scared of asserting herself. I am however afraid that she is too violent. Whenever she plays with other children, she slaps them, puts her little finger in their tiny nostrils, even kicks them. Other children are now scared of her and I am afraid she will soon have no playmates. I am bothered because my husband and I do not fight, I have never hit her (I prefer time out), and she does not really watch much tv. Is this normal in some kids, or where is my child acting so angry and aggressive? Anyway to arrest this behaviour before it gets out of hand?


Laura - posted on 02/22/2011




This is actually a rather natural behavior for little kids to engage in--the aggressive behavior is about getting what the child wants, usually a toy from someone else, and getting it right now! Toddlers are all about themselves and immediate gratification! Children must be TAUGHT how to share and how to behave in a gentle, polite manner. Certainly parents can act as role models for appropriate behavior, but it is still up to the parents to TEACH those appropriate behaviors. You need to address the aggressive behavior immediately!

Louise makes some good suggestions: Get down to her level and use your words to re-direct her behavior away from what she was doing. Letting her know that her actions "hurt" others helps teach empathy. I would add: Don't be afraid to use the dreaded "NO!" This single word can be quite the attention-getter, especially if used firmly and loud enough (it doesn't need to be yelled). Once you have your daughter's attention, use your conversational voice to talk to her about her actions. If she is particularly upset, try whispering! It seems counter-intuitive to whisper to a crying child, but it does work by forcing them to calm down to hear what you are saying. I did this with my daughter when she would get upset and it worked quite well. Give a verbal redirection of her behavior and let her know that the next time she gets a time-out. Then follow through! If you are consistant in dealing with the aggressive behavior, your daughter will learn how to behave appropriately in a short time. Hope this helps and good luck!

Louise - posted on 02/22/2011




You need to stop this and now. When she starts to get aggresive get down on her level and quite firmly say no. Tell her that it hurts people and that is not nice. If she continues to be aggressive then put her in time out and then tell her again that it hurts. The best way to demonstrate gentle play is with a pet or playing with teddies. Teach her to be gentle and to hug with a teddy and then tell her that being rough with teddy upsets him. Learning to be gentle is something that most children need to learn so take time away from other children to teach her this because she will end up being avoided.


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Katherine - posted on 02/22/2011




Here is an article from Love and Logic that might help. It's a very helpful approach. Your daughter doesn't exactly understand what she is doing and you are right to want to try early intervention.
I always used the word "gentle" with both of my daughters since they were 6 months old. I have a 23 month old and she does not act out that way, however she has slapped and bitten me on occasion.
So read the advice and tools they have for Love and Logic and I hope it helps.

Lil - posted on 02/22/2011




I think you are very wise to be worried about this I am afraid
that i am an old fashioned Mum I did not tolerate spitefulness
If my child started to get spiteful Then i used to do the same back to them that they did to another child just to let them know it hurt.they soon got out of it once they knew that i meant it
Half the trouble today is the children get what they want and they are NOT indiscipline I have tried to teach them Manors Like please and thank you and to be polite to other people and children
so you have to start when they are young If you promise then anything then keep that promise But if they are really naughty then you tell them why you have not kept your promise
if you give in and let them have there own way how are they going to learn ?
so please be firm with your babies and keep to your word

Deepti - posted on 02/22/2011




ur daughter is too small to make her understand things.. this is a normal act at this age and may be she is trying to explore or may be she feel threatened when someone enters in her comfort zone. hug her gently, make her feel secure and politely show that it hurts when she hits no need of punishment.

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