Is my daughter's father showing favortism for his son that is by another woman.

Nikki - posted on 06/12/2012 ( 2 moms have responded )

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I was with my daughter's father for over five years. We broke up for awhile and he had a son before we got back together and worked things out when I had my daughter. His son is now 23 months and my daughter is 12 months. Every since his son has been born he has been very supportive to his son which I like about him and knew that this would be a good quality since I was having his child. He keeps his son two nights a week every since he has been 6 months old and whenever the child's mother needs him for doctor appointments etc. he is there. Every since I have had my daughter her dad has not kept her on a consistent basis we argue about when how where and why he will keep my daugher. He says he will keep her when he wants and I cant tell him what to do because he doesn't watch kids for fun I better find a babysitter for that. This has really upsetted me since I have seen the treatment that he gives his son and how nice and cooperative he is towards the mother of his son . This caused us to break up 9 months ago and I have recently placed him on child support. He has gotten very upset with me putting him on child support and has gotten even less cooperative. He calls me ungrateful crazy unhappy etc. All I want is my daughter to be treated fairly by him. I don't know why he hasn't connected with his daughter as much as his son. Is this favortism, is the way he is acting wrong or am I overreacting and what should I do.

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Nikki - posted on 06/13/2012

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I have started talking to some legal advisors to work out visitation and mediation for future dates. I am currently waiting for someone to get back with me in regards to my situation. I am not trying to keep my daughter from her father and I know how important it is for a child to have a healthy relationship with both parents. I was raised by my father so a father/daughter relationship is so precious to me. I just don't want her to miss out on this opportunity if I can help it in any way. I know that men usually take on to their sons but if he would just give it a chance he would see how rewarding and special it could be to bond with his daughter. I want this issue worked out while she is young at a year old she doesnt quite know what's going on but I don't want this to be damaging for later on in life. Thank You so much for the advice. I will keep you posted on how it all turns out.

[deleted account]

You are right to feel annoyed and angry at your ex. If he is showing a certain level of attention to his son, then it wouldn't be unreasonable for you to assume that he would show similar levels of attention to your daughter.

It is time to step up and let him know that you are not prepared for him to mess you and especially your daughter around. Good for you for making sure the paperwork's been sorted for child support. If you haven't already it is worth taking legal advice and seeing what is appropriate to your situation.

You need to put your daughter's needs in front of his, even if this means that he's upset that you are making sure that your daughter's needs are met. Work on having a good routine for you and your daughter, have a good support network of friends and family around you. Hopefully one day (sooner rather than later) your ex will grow up and realise that his daughter is just as important as his son, but work on the assumption that he may not. Yes you can have a say in when, where, what times your ex has your daughter, it is not all up to him. If you need to go and get a legal agreement set up to visitations. That way it's done by someone who's neutral and will take into consideration what needs to be taken into consideration about contact.

For your daughter, it is also important that she is aware that she has a half brother out there. When the time/situation is right maybe look at possible contact with the son's Mum, so that the children at some future date can meet up and get to know each other. Whether it would work or not I don't know, but it can be looked into at a future date/time.

As far as your daughter is concerned, don't put her Dad down verbally in front of her however tempting it is. Let her make up her mind about her Dad.

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