[deleted account] ( 3 moms have responded )
I have 4 children one of which is ours together. My other children are 21 year old son and 12 and 13 year old girls. My husband took on the role as father when the girls were 1 and 2 because their real dad left and never came back. All of my kids say they hate my husband. All except for the youngest which is ours together. I have a hard time trusting my own judgement because my own father is emotionally and verbally abusive towards me to this day. I don't know what normal is. That's why I'm here. My 12 year old daughter tries everything to get his attention but it seems to me as if she is completely ignored. When she's not ignored he is yelling at her for talking too much or dancing around while he is watching tv. God forbid she be the one who is sick in the middle of the night knocking on our bedroom door. He has never hit them but he has grabbed her by the back of her neck to" make her go to her room". She was born small for gestational age so she is very tiny and acts very immature. That drives him crazy constantly telling her to act her age and calling her a baby if she cries. When I say something to try to smooth things over and explain to him why she's not listening such as she has headphones in, he goes ballistic saying that's no excuse and takes her iPad away. He says in front of the kids that I'm disrespecting him for sticking up for her because he says he doesn't "need anyone sticking up for her. I am her father and she needs to respect him and I am undermining his authority." I feel that she needs someone to stick up for her because I feel she's being bullied. He says he hates to think of how the kids would turn out if he wasn't there. I am very nurturing and not good at disciplining. He uses my son as a " perfect example". He has gotten in trouble as a teen and not doing much with his life. My son is bipolar and my husband can't stand him and it goes both ways. He just makes my daughter cry all the time. He says it's because of the tone she uses with him. I apparently use the wrong tone with him also. He ruins every Sunday because he decides to argue with all of us except for the youngest for no reason at all. I don't know whether to stick up for us in front of the kids or keep the peace. Usually I just try to smile as if nothing's wrong. My friends are biased and take my side when I talk to them. I need an outside opinion.