Jean Marie - posted on 08/20/2015 ( 5 moms have responded )
I have 2 adult sons. My older son is 33 and lives in Arizona. My younger son is 30 and lives in Milwaukee, Wi. I live in north eastern Wisconsin. It was important to me that my sons grow to be well adjusted and independent adults. I don't hear from either of them very often and I see them even less as they seldom come home and when they do I still don't get to see them much because their father and I are divorces and married other people. Their father wasn't around much when they were growing up because he worked away from home, and when he was around he always had other places to be, and other people to be with, and when he did manage to be home, it became a war zone. He spent most of the time criticizing, Loudly, In short, he was in no danger of ever winning any father-of-the-year awards. 90% of the time I was raising them by myself. Parent/Teacher conferences, school and athletic events and practices, home work, meetings with teachers when there was problems, doctors appointments, dentists, orthodontists, surgeries, cooking, cleaning, washing clothes, yard work all done by me, while I was working full time and going to college. their dad got the house we built together and paid me off, but I got 1/4 of what the house was worth because he said, that I didn't put as much into as he did. Now that our sons are grown and live their own lives, now their father wants ALL their time. He plans all kinds of activities; cook outs, boating, visiting his relatives, parties, and expects them to be there for all of it. He does not consider my having equal time with our sons of any importance. The boys do what he wants because now that he is giving them the attention they didn't get growing up they don't want to risk losing it again. If I say anything, then I am "putting a guilt trip on them" and they don't feel like coming around at all. Is anyone else familiar with this heartbreak? I feel like I'm no more important to them than any other extended family member. Like the main reason to be home is to see their dad, and they "stop by" to see me in between their family activities. Their dad gets a feast and he throws me the scraps. If there are other moms out there like me, I would like very much to hear your thoughts.